A Divorce Busting® Coach can help you save your marriage, even when your spouse wants out. Go to the new Divorce Busting® Store where you can sign up for Divorce Busting® Coaching and purchase Michele's Audios, Videos and eBooks that you can immediately download. Start taking the steps that will help you get your marriage back on track right away.
Page 4 of 9 < 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 >
Topic Options
#2234067 - 03/29/12 12:10 AM Re: Recently Seperated Part 6 [Re: ThisDayForward]
2thepoint Offline
Member

Registered: 09/30/11
Posts: 1692
There is nothing wrong with being honest here. You have to do what is best for you. If you are done, then you are done. No one is going to blame you for that decision.

However, if you want to try to salvage your M and you need advice, guidance and support, then we're here to help as best we can.

When you post and we see you obsessing or losing control, we're going to try to steer you back on course. We're going to challenge some of your thinking and some of your actions.

But, only you can know when it is time to let go. The choice is yours to make. And you don't have to make it today.

Hang in there, if you are able.
_________________________
Me48 W50 S15 S11
M20 T23
Bomb-9/11; A-11/11; I move out 11/11

It's easy to find our bottom, it is our top that requires cultivation.

Every rough spot adds to our emotional constitution. -Barney Fife

Top
#2234136 - 03/29/12 12:52 PM Re: Recently Seperated Part 6 [Re: 2thepoint]
ThisDayForward Offline
Member

Registered: 01/16/12
Posts: 2124
Thx 2thepoint. It just seems no matter what I do I can't win with W. If I am civil and friendly she pushes away. If I don't pursue she pushes away. If I do she does. If I set boundaries she gets pissed.

It appears to me her mind was made up a long time ago. She even tells my 6 yos when he asks about disney that you can probably go twice. once with me and once with dad.

Anyways i know my only choice is to detach. As of yesterday I am just being friendly and civil to wife. I am trying very hard to take the attitude what happens is what happens. I'm trying very hard to focus on the kids only. The codependency book really helps.

I know I'm not the 1st 38 year old with 2 young kids to possibly be divorced but I just didn't want it and it blows. yeah I'm angry at myself for letting my marriage reach this point. Lesson learned

Today is the 1st day I am going to try not to call her mil. It is a start. I want to try to go the entire weekend. It will be a challenge too because she meets with a L at 3 so I know I will have urges to snoop through MIL. I am going to try to beat it.

But someone said when you quit fighting (LA) it gets easier. It is so true. Somedays when I give up I do feel better.

Unfortunately for me my entire life of relationships was getting right into another one to get over that person. I hope I don't fall into that trap again

Top
#2234140 - 03/29/12 01:12 PM Re: Recently Seperated Part 6 [Re: ThisDayForward]
labug Offline
Member

Registered: 11/25/11
Posts: 8907
Loc: Sonoran Desert
It just seems no matter what I do I can't win with W. If I am civil and friendly she pushes away. If I don't pursue she pushes away. If I do she does. If I set boundaries she gets pissed.

You are railing against normal reactions. This what you should expect will happen. Don't let it throw you.

You stay on YOUR course, let her do whatever she does. You stay on YOUR course.

I know I'm not the 1st 38 year old with 2 young kids to possibly be divorced but I just didn't want it and it blows. yeah I'm angry at myself for letting my marriage reach this point. Lesson learned

Ever read any other threads on this board. It's full of people very like you.

Today is the 1st day I am going to try not to call her mil. It is a start. I want to try to go the entire weekend

Giving yourself permission to fail by trying? How about I will not call MIL today.

One step at a time, one day at a time. Little successes give you confidence.

Unfortunately for me my entire life of relationships was getting right into another one to get over that person. I hope I don't fall into that trap again

What? Do these devious women drug you and drag you into their lairs? You walk in with your eyes wide open, I would guess but you might not be clear on what you want from the R. Think about that and like Mach said: STOP playing the victim.

You have choices, failing to exercise those choices does not make you a victim of anyone but yourself.

Net, I think the hamster wheel may be slowing a bit. It is in your control.
_________________________
Me 57/H 58
M36 S24 S21
Bomb 3/11 Sep 3/11
Piecing 9/13 12/13 Reconciling

"We can make ourselves miserable, or we can make ourselves happy. The amount of work is the same"~Carlos Castenada

Top
#2234156 - 03/29/12 02:08 PM Re: Recently Seperated Part 6 [Re: labug]
Mach1 Offline
Member

Registered: 11/04/08
Posts: 3744
Net....

DB101....

What are YOUR short term goals ???

For you, nobody else...

What can you do today, that is just for you. Something that excites your soul....????

Stop looking at the big picture right now...

Stop letting your wife paint that picture for you....

Hit the "reboot" button on yourself, and stop letting her dictate the way you feel...

You are running on pure emotion, and you have get a grasp on that

Are you calling MIL from a cell phone ?

If you are, take her contact information out of your phone. That way, you have to dial the number, and you can think about why you are calling while you are dialing. What the reason is, and what purpose it will serve to do that.

IF that doesn't work, then have a friend drop a 16 ton anvil on your toe....that MIGHT do it....

Think about that list, post it here so that we can help you live it...

Top
#2234172 - 03/29/12 02:42 PM Re: Recently Seperated Part 6 [Re: Mach1]
ThisDayForward Offline
Member

Registered: 01/16/12
Posts: 2124
M1.

She is asking for divorce right now via txt. She is asking to sell our current house and buy a smaller house right now.

I am not sure that stuff should be done without legal advice

Top
#2234176 - 03/29/12 02:52 PM Re: Recently Seperated Part 6 [Re: ThisDayForward]
Mach1 Offline
Member

Registered: 11/04/08
Posts: 3744
Time for that anvil......????



Shut the phone off and don't respond to her....

She is baiting you....

You don't have to do anything you are not ready to do, just because she wants it now...

When you have something worth responding to, then you can do so through the legal channels....

I would recommend that you seek a CONSULT with a lawyer, to see what your rights are though.

Pick the meanest SOB lawyer in three states, do a consult only.

He/She will be your Pit Bull that you unleash when the time comes. They attack when you tell them to, and not until then. Plus, if you consult...she can't use them.

Make sure you are documenting everything. Keep a journal of your interactions...You do this to protect yourself , and your time with your children....

Top
#2234194 - 03/29/12 04:20 PM Re: Recently Seperated Part 6 [Re: Mach1]
ThisDayForward Offline
Member

Registered: 01/16/12
Posts: 2124
M1. I know you been here a real long time. But you don't understand man. My W wants a D. I'm telling you this. I KNOW my W. There is so much more to this story that I can't get into on here. But financially she will be all set from this D and she knows it. There will be ZERO financial struggle on her end after this. She can wipe my business out and my assets. SHe knows this and it makes the D so much easier on her end.

I didn't shut phone off but I said those choices are up to her and that is not the path I want to take. She said I will get a mediator. I didn't not reply.

I have 2 lawyers lined up. I am documenting all the kids stuff. All the visits etc.

I've consulted 2 lawyers after she threatened to take kids overnights away

Top
#2234207 - 03/29/12 04:56 PM Re: Recently Seperated Part 6 [Re: ThisDayForward]
Mach1 Offline
Member

Registered: 11/04/08
Posts: 3744
Originally Posted By: netmaster
M1. I know you been here a real long time. But you don't understand man.


Splain it to me then.....

What am I missing ????

Top
#2234210 - 03/29/12 05:23 PM Re: Recently Seperated Part 6 [Re: Mach1]
ThisDayForward Offline
Member

Registered: 01/16/12
Posts: 2124
When my W makes up her mind about a D it is final. Kids or not. The Pope could tell her to change her mind and she will not. She did this to the first H. She also knows financially she will NEVER struggle making the choice even easier.

I didn't push divorce or mediation I just said those are your choices and left it alone.

But she has a reality check. She thinks the kids will be with her overnight all week and I will lose overnights. I will not let that happen. I am a VERY good father.

Top
#2234212 - 03/29/12 05:31 PM Re: Recently Seperated Part 6 [Re: ThisDayForward]
Mach1 Offline
Member

Registered: 11/04/08
Posts: 3744
Originally Posted By: netmaster
When my W makes up her mind about a D it is final. Kids or not. The Pope could tell her to change her mind and she will not. She did this to the first H. She also knows financially she will NEVER struggle making the choice even easier.




So that's the rest of the story. Nothing more to follow that might confuse me ???

Nothing else I should know that would cause me to be too old to help you ????

Nothing I can tell the Pope to change his mind about telling her ???


I just want to be sure that all of the cards are on the table now.....

Top
Page 4 of 9 < 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 >


Moderator:  dbmod, Virginia 

Save Your Marriage! Schedule Online

Schedule a phone consultation with a Divorce Busting® Coach! Call: 800-664-2435 or 303-444-7004