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Originally Posted By: netmaster


She says what are your plans later.


Originally Posted By: netmaster
She was asking for my help


No she wasn't. She was trying to manipulate you to get you to offer. It's a common codependent dynamic. Don't think for one second she doesn't have you figured out and was trying to bait you into rescuing her. Let her do the work. If she needs help, she's a big girl and can ask for it.


Feel better now, netmaster?


M:36 WAH:41
M:16 T:17
D:12 SS:21
Bomb: IDLY 10/29/11
Separated same day, about an hour after the bomb.
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So I answered it right? Said I do have plans. If I'm around and you need me reach out. I didn't rescue her and I gave her a break all morning.

I'm jamming on the guitar right now as I type this with a long time friend.

I shouldn't call and check up on her right. Others chime in if I handled myself right.

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Also someone comment about my W telling my six year old we will all goto Disney together. I think that answer to his question is wrong in so many ways

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don't focus on the disney comment, NM...

You don't know the context of the conversation and it could just as easily been your W trying to soften things (white lie) to S rather than saying, "dad and I are going to D and unlikely to go to disneyland together"...

There is also the possibility she might even concede to go to disneyland with you and S just so that it is not uncomfortable for your S...

but... it's possible it has NOTHING to do with you and her possible intentions to R or more to do with not having to be in an uncomfortable convo with your S...

On the sick, you did the right thing as others have said...

Look, she has left the M... so in THAT world, you would not be around... if you were dead she would be sick and have to figure it out...

If she wants to play the blame game that you weren't there for her... if others want to agree with her...

put your chin up...

she is not being your friend...

she has left the M...

she wants nothing from you...

she can ask you if she needs it...

if she wants YOU to be her friend, she will show it by being your friend... otherwise, would you rescue a stranger...? a neighbor next door that you don't really know...?

What if she was sick and you didn't know...?

It's possible you'd STILL be blamed, somehow...

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FYI I would rescue a stranger

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I would to, Net, if I could.

I think helping out with illness is up to you as long as you do it with no expectations that it will change your situation. Her illness does impact your children.


Me 57/H 58
M36 S 2.5yrs R 12/13

Let me give up the need to know why things happen as they do.
I will never know and constant wondering is constant suffering.
Caroline Myss
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Originally Posted By: netmaster
FYI I would rescue a stranger


Are you really saying that you would notice that a stranger who was sick, who had people around to support them with their children...

you would still go to the stranger and say that you will take care of them by taking their children off their hands until they get better...?

Really...?

Or maybe more realistically, someone whom you knew, whom you understood really didn't have anything to do with you... who appears to really not appreciate you for whom you are... maybe does not even like you... who is treating you poorly... a co-worker, perhaps... who you knew was sick, away from work, and had kids... and you would go there after work and offer to take their kids off their hands while they got better...??

Really?

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Kd. I see your point now! It worked out last night. Add this to the mix. Our first dog together is dying. She txt me last night. I don't know if u ever had a dog but it's part of family. Sad

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That sux, NM. We've had a number of members here who have had to go through the traumas of loosing pets and even family members during their time here.

One of the things that worked for those members was simply "being there" for the other spouse and kids... not stepping and saving, but being there as a shoulder in the event it is asked for...

And good. I understood what you meant, I would help a stranger as well... it was in the context that I thought may have been misunderstood...

you'll get there, you are getting there... it just takes time and practice... and then things will get better...

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She asked for help today and I had to say maybe later on cuz I had plans. (golfing ) did not tell her that.

I have guilt and feel it will anger her but I truly have plans to keep me busy on my non kid weekend

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