"All in all, we're still enjoying each other and that's what counts, doesn't it?"
Are you in doubt?
I guess it boils down to what you want in a relationship and if the relationship is meeting your expectations.
You 2 don't spend much time together but you do connect daily. Is that enough?
I know that she makes you laugh and feel cared about and that is all good. Is it enough?
Remember with respect to her job that you can't rescue her. And you are only getting her side of it. Yes - they sound like jerks but on a bad day at my house - I'll bet I sound like a jerk to my employees too. But I'm not. Remember that she made the choices that got her to where she is and she has to make the choices for change if she so desires.
Between the 2 of you - there have been more sick weeks than well weeks. That is not so good. I truly hope that the Spring will bring you better health so you can continue to enjoy good times together.
Not to burst your bubble (although it sounds like it) - but Wii - it is important to periodically ask yourself these questions. "Is this what I want?". You DO sound happy but sometimes it sounds like you're trying to convince yourself.
Like me - you are one of those people who tries to DO TOO MUCH for the ones we care about. And we're not always appreciated for it. Just be careful.
I want you to be happy. Not just for today. But for all the tomorrows ahead.
Point taken, Barb. I do think about what I want. It's hard when there is one day a week that we can spend together. If something happens, we lose that and there's no "we'll just see each other tomorrow". Certainly, I have fears. Will this person suddenly just not want me anymore? What if my feelings change? Is this enough? But, with any R we have to take it a day at a time. I'm enjoying her, feel close to her and for now that's good. We'll see where the future leads us. We're both trying
We are also a "once a week" couple. It used to be one day a week. Then overnight. Then 2 nights a week (Fri & Sat). Now that we have a house together it is Thurs, Fri & Sat nights and most of Sun daytime. (he works from the house on Fri unless he has in person meetings). So it has evolved. Slowly... Kind of at a snail's pace. And for most people - it would not have been enough. But for us - it has been.
And we talk on the phone. But not every night. Now it is Tues nights. Because, after all - I need to watch Bachelor and Dancing with the Stars. And truthfully - I like my time to do my own things too. So on Mondays and Wednesdays we don't always connect. But sometimes there is a phone call. Or a text. Or an email.
The point is - he is a wonderful part of my life. But he is not my WHOLE life. He adds to it. But he does not "complete" me. I'm complete as a person all by myself.
I don't make his issues my issues. Yes - I listen to his problems with his job. (although he doesn't complain much). And I reflect what he is saying back to him. But I don't try to solve his problems. They are HIS problems.
And he listens to me complain about my son's agency. And he offers support. But he also does not try to solve the problems as it is my lot to sort out.
And is this enough for me??? Yes. At this time in my life - this is what I want.
Do I take stock of what I want? Yes - periodically. And for me - this is good.
Sounds good Barb! I was just typing that I'm quite OK with seeing her once per week, it's just that there is no "we'll see each other tomorrow" if that day gets messed up. We talk nightly and share fun stuff and concerns. She isn't a lady who bitches continually about her job, she's actually quite positive about life. I don't solve her problems and she doesn't seem to expect me to. We talk about my D's university decisions and how anxious I feel about this change, we talked about the anniversary of my Dad's death etc. We laugh but we also share some tuff stuff too. We contact each other equally. Sometimes I initiate and sometimes she does. It's nice. She wants a job where she can work five days a week and reasonable hours, that's encouraging. She was actually using me as a sounding board for her thoughts on finding new employment, not really bitching although she kind of felt she was. Also she makes me a priority, which I do appreciate. She has a whole life to stuff into a Sat morning and all day Sunday, yet she always finds time for me. I also continue with the things I do each week, my meditation group, my book group etc. and she encourages me to keep doing those things. Anyway, there's no perfect R and there are bumps here but we'll see where it goes. If it fails, I think I'm strong enough to take it in stride, feel my pain but move on. That's my ramble lol. Gotta go.
Btw, did I mention that earlier in the week SDA Lady and I were talking about TV shows. She likes medical real life shows e.g. ER because she was a nurse and understands what they are doing etc. I like watching 48 hours cuz I had some basic training in suspect interrogation in the Military Police and like to watch the detectives work the suspect. She told me about the ins and outs of amputation and how she got to hold a leg once and put it in a bucket after it fell off. I said "OMG, and I hold your hand!" I stopped her when she started telling me about the two post-mortems she assisted on, which were fascinating according to her...enough!!!!! Tonight I'm going to a mid-week church service and then dropping D14 for a sleep over (no school tomorrow). Saturday night I'm going to get together with some old university friends and catch up. Bye for now!
Oh yes, that show is pretty cool. Shows real cases that the emergency room gets to deal with and then has the real emergency room doctors talk about what happened! Used to be on Discovery channel I think.
kat
Me-53(and learning!) S24, S21, D18, D17 Just keep swimming, Just keep swimming. Dory
tonight was the Whatis-SDA Lady YouTube singalong. Yes, we did the best of Air Supply, Josh Groben, Helen Reddy, Anne Murray and a few hymns thrown in for more variety... and it was all done by telephone. I realized tonight that SDA Lady is right, she can't sing lol!!!! She once told me "I like the songs but hey don't like me"...hmm, she might have a point. We had fun though. Also earlier tonight Voldy called and asked me if I'd be able to pick D14 up from gymnastics as she was downtown having dinner with some old work friends. I said "sure, no problem. I can pick her up" After I hung up I laughed when I thought of the difference in my attitude to her "you're supposed to be dropping the girls off, you know" attitude of a few weeks ago. I'm just glad I can be me, a generous person willing to help out if asked. I'd rather be me than her
