LA kharma is a bitch hey. In hind sight I felt I shouldn't have married someone who was doing this to their current husband. But I do believe once a cheater always a cheater is not true. People grow up. I haven't cheated since we were married.
She got a name of another lawyer but didn't call because she is planning easter. Strange Easter is April 8.
Anyways I'm working on me from here on out. Trying to reach a point where I am ok with or without W and ok with or without D.
I am NOT there yet but knowing this is a good thing
M1 you act like I am the only problem with this marriage. It takes 2 people for a marriage to crumble and it takes 2 people to restore a marriage. I am doing my best to get me back on track. I have 38 years of re-wiring to do. It will not happen over night. I am working twice a week with a counselor to do this. (oh yeah when she her I was doing this she told me I was a f*cking loser and get a life and job)
My W threatens to take me to court and take my kids overnights away I need to do something about that or at least look into something. I try to go away for the weekend with my kids and she tries to ruin it. She tries to ruin every FN weekend I have with my kids. It is ridiculous.
Bottom line is I know what I have to do and where I am WEAK. Very weak. Im working on it. Control issues, anger issues, anxiety issues and non positive thinking. Its going to take time and having the venom and darts thrown at me during the process makes it even more difficult.
I understand the concept. Let her go be free. Work on me. Take the focus completely off her and just work on me. Easier said then done. You know this M1. You still struggle with it yourself. I've read your posts and I APPRECIATE your comments. I truly do.
I see your point on the rings. I was doing it out of anger and you caught me. She threatened to take my kids and she got a lawyer and out of anger I did that.
I have so much work to do on myself it is rediculous.
I have a book recommended to me that I may pick up:
The New Codependency: Help and Guidance for Today's Generation [Paperback] Melody Beattie (Author)
I also am going to try to get a part time job to keep me more busy then what I am doing now with my business.
Thx M1. Thx La, Thx 2thePoint. Don't give up on me. You guys know detaching is the hardest part. Letting someone go you love and not knowing if they will ever come back
Net
"Your Key to freedom lies in your power to control your thoughts" Tim Conner
M1 you act like I am the only problem with this marriage.
I'm sorry you feel this way, it certainly wasn't my intention to imply this.
Originally Posted By: netmaster
My W threatens to take me to court and take my kids overnights away I need to do something about that or at least look into something. I try to go away for the weekend with my kids and she tries to ruin it. She tries to ruin every FN weekend I have with my kids. It is ridiculous.
WOW....she is viscous huh ?
Too bad that you don't have a say in that...
Originally Posted By: netmaster
Bottom line is I know what I have to do and where I am WEAK. Very weak. Im working on it. Control issues, anger issues, anxiety issues and non positive thinking. Its going to take time and having the venom and darts thrown at me during the process makes it even more difficult.
I understand the concept. Let her go be free. Work on me. Take the focus completely off her and just work on me. Easier said then done. You know this M1. You still struggle with it yourself. I've read your posts and I APPRECIATE your comments. I truly do.
It's no longer a "struggle" for me. It is more of an awareness that I carry throughout my life. I know my triggers, and recognize my behaviors before they come out. I recognize the root of my issues, and have addressed them at the core.
They no longer rule my life. It does take time to work through them, yet you have to be willing to deal with them. Being a victim of circumstance will not allow you to do that.
Originally Posted By: netmaster
I see your point on the rings. I was doing it out of anger and you caught me. She threatened to take my kids and she got a lawyer and out of anger I did that.
So...stop.
You are focusing on the rings to fuel your anger. It is a lame asss excuse to stay angry at her. Every time you see her hand, you can allow yourself to think about what she is doing TO you.
I'm glad you are getting some of that anger out here, and with me. Go ahead and give it all to me if you want to, I can handle it.
If I can fire you up that much , I can't imagine how much you give to your spouse.
I am curious though.....
Are you angry with her ?
Or at yourself ????
Originally Posted By: netmaster
The New Codependency: Help and Guidance for Today's Generation [Paperback] Melody Beattie (Author)
It is a great read...
Originally Posted By: netmaster
I also am going to try to get a part time job to keep me more busy then what I am doing now with my business.
Just make sure that you don't hide in it....
You have choices in life, it is up to you to see them clearly...
You have a choice of how much pain that you let in...
You have a choice of how you move forward with your life..
You have a choice about how you come through this...
You have a choice of you are defined as a Man, Father, and a Husband....
I understand that our situations are a little different, but I can share some of what is going on with me. When my W dropped the bomb, the ring was off and the F/B account was updated to "Seperated" on the same night.
Since then I have not given my W that not wearing her rings did not bother me in the least. IMHO the rings were the least of my worries. My main concern was to become the Dad to my kids.
It has almost been a month since W told me were D'ing. I live my life day to day the best I can. Some days are better than others, but for the first time in a long time I can honestly say that I am giving 100% to my kids and family.
W cancelled her consultation with her L and I think we are making some progress. I am still advised that "It is a temporary thing and will last for two months." It makes me dissapointed, but I simply smile and usually walk away.
You are only human and so is your W. You both will make some mistakes, but nothing will get better for you, your family or M if you let your anger get the best of you.
