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#2230294 - 03/13/12 09:25 PM Re: WAW told me she doesn't want to be married pt3 [Re: witz10]
labug Offline
Member

Registered: 11/25/11
Posts: 8880
Loc: Sonoran Desert
Quote:
Which almost got me to break down. I am such a puss.


In my book, a man who loves his children and can feel that emotion so deeply is a Real Man!
_________________________
Me 57/H 58
M36 S24 S21
Bomb 3/11 Sep 3/11
Piecing 9/13 12/13 Reconciling

"We can make ourselves miserable, or we can make ourselves happy. The amount of work is the same"~Carlos Castenada

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#2230410 - 03/14/12 11:23 AM Re: WAW told me she doesn't want to be married pt3 [Re: labug]
Autumn Leaves Offline
Member

Registered: 11/01/11
Posts: 568
Loc: Pennsylvania
I completely agree with labug! I think that is wonderful that you love your children the way that you do. They are your bright spot in all of this!
_________________________
-Autumn


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#2230891 - 03/15/12 05:00 PM Re: WAW told me she doesn't want to be married pt3 [Re: labug]
witz10 Offline
Member

Registered: 10/21/11
Posts: 234
Loc: PA
Thanks blush

Its funny I was talking with a trainer at my gym last night. He is having money issues. He has a degree as a teacher and been a sub for the last year and trains people for the gym. His wife is giving him issues with kids and money. He even made the comment about going to couples therapy cause it is getting on his nerves. I gave him the info for the office I go to and told him people do couples as well as individual. He was telling me that his wife thinks his 7 year old is too emotional. The trainer said to me that his son takes after him cause he tears up at movies. I told him I do the same thing. Now the funny thing is this guy looks like Stone cold Steve Austin but with Goldbergs body he is huge. To hear him say he gets emotional was just funny. We went back and forth about shows that you would tear up at.
_________________________
M37 W34
S6
D3
M8yrs T14
S 1year
Told me she doesn't want to be married 10/2011
"I will never stop trying because when you find the ONE, you never give up." Steve Carrell Crazy, stupid, Love

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#2230892 - 03/15/12 05:06 PM Re: WAW told me she doesn't want to be married pt3 [Re: witz10]
witz10 Offline
Member

Registered: 10/21/11
Posts: 234
Loc: PA
Had another very very vivid dream this morning that woke me up about 5am. I was getting ready for a party or wedding and looked in a drawer and found lingerie that I did not recognize. My wife comes out of the bathroom topless she was getting ready as well and looked at me holding it. She said even though it was from OM she is over that and wants to be a family again and nothing will come between us.
I woke up and was happy for about 2 seconds till I realized it was a dream. I hate when my brain plays tricks on me.

Stupid Flanders Brain.

Have I mentioned that she I think has gone dark on me. Doesn't talk with me during the day unless she has too. But we still play words with friends against each other. I kicker her ass in three games we had going
_________________________
M37 W34
S6
D3
M8yrs T14
S 1year
Told me she doesn't want to be married 10/2011
"I will never stop trying because when you find the ONE, you never give up." Steve Carrell Crazy, stupid, Love

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#2231657 - 03/19/12 02:31 AM Re: WAW told me she doesn't want to be married pt3 [Re: ]
witz10 Offline
Member

Registered: 10/21/11
Posts: 234
Loc: PA
So this weekend was a very very busy one for kids and I. Technically had kids from Thursday through tonight after dinner. Friday night took kids out to dinner then haircuts and into toys r us to get a new car seat for my daughter. Saturday we had a play date with one of my sons friends. We went to the philly zoo for a good bit of the day. They had a lot of fun. Dinner with mommom and my brother then some quick clothes shopping since its warmer now followed up with my neice and nephew being dropped off to play for a few hours. Sunday my father in law went with kids and I to Flemington NJ to a model train place. Another full weekend. My father in law was telling me that they might adopt a dog and if they do he might need me to watch him over mothers day weekend. See he is going on a bowling trip and my wife and mother in law are going up to NY for the weekend. I told him I am not sure considering that I am not around like I used to be and don't want a dog who does not know me to take care of him. This makes me realize how much do they really know about there own daughter being with a drunk? I feel like having a talk with my in laws and thanking them for sticking by me, explaining to them that I don't know what is going to happen, I know what I want but she and I are not on the same path right now. They have been great in laws and that I am looking on dating sites. I still have yet to go out on any dates.
She also wants to try to get together to talk next weekend.

Dropped kids off after dinner and they wanted to show my wife the stuffed animals they got. She asked where did you get them and they said zoo. She was shocked and came looking for me asking if there was anything that she needed to know that they did. Does she think I am trying to buy them off or something. Told her I got a good deal off a radio station for a family 4 pack of tickets. Seems like she still doesn't trust me. Yet I am in my old home and things are changing there. She got the dbag to take down the closet doors and put a regular door into the closet. Something we had planned but never got to. So yet again my goal is set in stone I will be in my own home sometime in the summer or fall.

My son didn't want to leave tonight but when I got him home he was ok. Yesterday my daughter said she missed mommy which is usual. She then said she missed me also. I told her I was right here she then said no I miss you at home. This out of a three year olds mouth.
_________________________
M37 W34
S6
D3
M8yrs T14
S 1year
Told me she doesn't want to be married 10/2011
"I will never stop trying because when you find the ONE, you never give up." Steve Carrell Crazy, stupid, Love

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#2231658 - 03/19/12 02:32 AM Re: WAW told me she doesn't want to be married pt3 [Re: ]
witz10 Offline
Member

Registered: 10/21/11
Posts: 234
Loc: PA
Good idea.
_________________________
M37 W34
S6
D3
M8yrs T14
S 1year
Told me she doesn't want to be married 10/2011
"I will never stop trying because when you find the ONE, you never give up." Steve Carrell Crazy, stupid, Love

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#2231959 - 03/20/12 03:46 AM Re: WAW told me she doesn't want to be married pt3 [Re: witz10]
witz10 Offline
Member

Registered: 10/21/11
Posts: 234
Loc: PA
Here is a laugh for you and this one is just my luck or again fate playing with me telling me to bide my time. I met and chatted with a girl on one date site. She asked me for my number to call and chat. We spoke for about an hour and agreed that we would get together and meet that Saturday night. While we were talking she was telling me she was in grad school. I asked for what. Turns out she is going to be a psychologist, I chuckled and played it off. Then she told me where she was going. Turns out she was going to the same school my wife works at. I laughed some more. She asked why so I told her. She knew I was separated with kids.
The next night I was out to dinner with my kids and my son has a fever. She called me and I missed it dealing with him. I text her what was going on and asked her what time I could call her back. When I did, she canceled on me for that Saturday. She said that she had some bad dates in the past and she was going into this with bad thoughts and taking time off.

I met another girl at a friends party that I enjoyed talking with. I emailed her about getting a drink and just talking. She emailed me back that she was flattered but she was not socializing since her neck incident. That was it. I guess for now at least I know I have the balls to try dating if I want but......... is still the question
Found both a little odd and just my luck
_________________________
M37 W34
S6
D3
M8yrs T14
S 1year
Told me she doesn't want to be married 10/2011
"I will never stop trying because when you find the ONE, you never give up." Steve Carrell Crazy, stupid, Love

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#2233294 - 03/26/12 05:30 AM Re: WAW told me she doesn't want to be married pt3 [Re: witz10]
witz10 Offline
Member

Registered: 10/21/11
Posts: 234
Loc: PA
Your going to love this one. Had a texting conversation with my wife today. Started out with me asking if she picked up my daughter her shin guards for soccer yet. I was in a store that had them. Then it went to her telling me we need to clean out the storage locker and I need to take what is mine. I told her I will stop by and grab some things the next time I am up there after dropping kids off at school and day care. Here is the text conversation in full (h=her) (m=me)

h- When are we talking to the kids about whats happening
m-You mean in regards to me taking things. I have already said to my son I am not moving back in.
h-Well then that implies we need to talk more with them and start making changes, right?
m- Yea I guess not going to be easy, I don;t want to do it in the condo.
h-No I would not want to do that in the house either, and we should likely sit down and talk about it too first, but we need to make changes so things can be settled for them and also for us so we can move forward too. Sorry this is over text, didn't expect to talk about this now, I'm going food shopping for gods sake.... nothing like crying down the produce isle.
m- I am in kohls making a return and getting them pjs. we should talk next weekend.
h- our timings never been better apparently, ok
m-I have one hard question to ask you. Are you filing for divorce or are we just staying separated still. Also hate asking that over text. No our timing is just off right now.
h- At this point I don't know what the difference would be.
m-I don't know divorce is final. Separated is still in a holding pattern I guess. Yes I am hopeful always will be.
h- But haven't we all been on hold long enough? At some point stops feeling hopeful and more punitive.
m-Not to me. Know matter what happens I will always have a place for you. I know I am an ass for saying that. I am hiding in the pjs corner right now.
h-Well I'm at the deli counter...lol, I hear that but I don't think thats either fair or realistic, I dunno
m-Blame the books and sites I go to. I feel there is another day. Things have changed and you are different, but I have changed a lot as well just one thing has not. My hope

She stopped texting me at this point.

I am debating about giving her the divorce remedy book. I have read through it and honestly have no idea what to do with it. At least she could use it for her work.

I think I said all the right things and have been saying and doing all the right things. I don't understand it. Where is the logic?
This deal with the office is 75% done tomorrow it could be finalized meaning I will get my pay increase soon. I will be socking money away paying down debt and looking for a home this summer. I already have two friends to help me do renovations to my future home.
Time to try to get some sleep.
_________________________
M37 W34
S6
D3
M8yrs T14
S 1year
Told me she doesn't want to be married 10/2011
"I will never stop trying because when you find the ONE, you never give up." Steve Carrell Crazy, stupid, Love

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#2233298 - 03/26/12 05:40 AM Re: WAW told me she doesn't want to be married pt3 [Re: witz10]
MrBond Offline
Member

Registered: 06/18/08
Posts: 11024
"I know I am an ass for saying that."

Never Ever apologize for doing what you feel is right to save your M. You haven't been an @$$ and you don't have anything to be ashamed of. In fact, you should be proud and say so.

"I am debating about giving her the divorce remedy book."

Terrible idea.

"I have read through it and honestly have no idea what to do with it."

How about following it?

"At least she could use it for her work."

Um yeah right. You just want her to read it. Save it for yourself.

"I think I said all the right things and have been saying and doing all the right things. I don't understand it. Where is the logic?"

If you continually do something just to get a reaction, you aren't doing it correctly. You do it for you and to change for the better.
_________________________
M-43 W-40
2D - 9 and 5

Emotion, yet peace.
Ignorance, yet knowledge.
Passion, yet serenity.
Chaos, yet harmony.
Death, yet a new life.

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#2233578 - 03/27/12 04:20 AM Re: WAW told me she doesn't want to be married pt3 [Re: ]
witz10 Offline
Member

Registered: 10/21/11
Posts: 234
Loc: PA
My question is how do you let go? This is someone that you have a history with and children with. I will see her for the rest of my life. Now it will help when I clear the rest of my stuff out of the condo and also when I have my own place. This way I don't have to go back there at all unless its to drop kids off. But even then I am thinking of asking her to come down and get them.

Yes I thought about giving her the book but I know its not a good idea. Just something that goes through my head because there is logic to the book and she is not thinking logically at all. Which also goes with her mindset.

I know I am a better person and I know I have my ups and downs I also know that I have become the spouse/husband that a fool would leave. Now question is is she this fool.

Yes I am trying to hold onto what we have. If at least one of us fights for the marriage then maybe there is a chance. She is lost and confused I can tell. Last Friday we spoke about our taxes and the assessment for the condo. I told her I mailed in half the assessment for the roof. She was panicking about the money and how we will pay for it. I was calm and told her it will get taken care of just like the IRS will be paid.
She posted on facebook a comment it was another one of those days. Someone else answered to go to the beach. She then responded yes beach with alcohol. Since she has been with OM she is looking for all her answers in a bottle it seems. Now not when she has kids thankfully. But he drinks so she has too as well. Its sad really.
_________________________
M37 W34
S6
D3
M8yrs T14
S 1year
Told me she doesn't want to be married 10/2011
"I will never stop trying because when you find the ONE, you never give up." Steve Carrell Crazy, stupid, Love

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