Trust me, when that 26 year old was hitting on me the other night I was really thinking the math and the universe had imploded.
In retrospect I blame my sister. She told me to wear a certain blouse, certain jeans, a certain pair of earrings, my cowgirl belt that is 29 years old and my roper boots. That young man who hit on me is from Texas, I dare say he didn't stand a chance.
I was just trying to make sure I looked good enough to sell some stuff and hand out flyers for the boat to be chartered. I also got one charter that night. They already went sailing and gave my son a great tip in addition to the decent charter fee!
Anyway Gunny, it sounds like you are having fun and learning in school. I remember when I went through my aircraft maintenance officer course. All the prior service guys would ace the tests, then sit there and get questions thrown out until all of us dunces they liked passed the test.
I think with age comes a greater capicity to learn. Sorry if you have already said, But what is your long term college goal?
Aloha,
Wendy
PS Yes it is past my sleep hygine bedtime!
Me 57 XH 58 Sons age 32 & 27 M:32 D final 9/12 Bought 10 Acres and Living the Dream!
Hello Wendy, Thanks for popping in. No long term goal, just taking classes for the fun of it. I'm using whats called the Post 9-11 GI bill, which is an enhanced version of the old GI Bill. It is open to anyone who served after September 11th, and will pay for your tuition, books, and also a monthly housing stipend. I served 22 years in the Marines and never was able to use any of the education benefits, so when this one came along, at this transitional time in my life, I decided to take advantage.
I already have a Masters in Urban Planning, and have no interest or desire to study for anymore advanced degree. I am now just taking courses that interest me, like history, cooking, nutrition and health, and maybe sociology and psychology(figure maybe that might help me to try to figure out my w, lol!)
Anyway, I cant tell you how much more fun it is to be able to take a class and not worry about getting a great grade. I look around at the students in the class and I listen to their stories of how stressed they are about life in general,(at 19, 20, etc), and I thank God that I am past that stage of my life. You could not pay me to be that age again, and have to go through all the heartache and experiences of the last 30+ years.
How is your sitch, anything new? I will catch up on your story, enjoy the day!!
m 54 XW 48 m 12 t 14 bomb 6-11 s 10-11 wife moved to other state 10-21-11 d 9-12
O GOD THY SEA IS SO GREAT AND MY BOAT IS SO SMALL!
I went to a today meeting at the state capitol about Act 54(?) which was interesting, but my friend was hating it so we left. Hey, she has cancer, so this year she gets what she wants.... Asking me to go as part of AARP is pushing the friendship limits, though!
It was about urban planning and something was said about a guy who wrote a book with the word blue in the title. Bike lanes and stuff. Okay we walked there, I skipped lunch and just came away with, I need to learn more about that!
My H ened up with 3 masters degrees, the military sure likes those degrees. Urban planning sounds interesting. I went to visit my old home town and that place was a disaster. A fine example of how to not let a town grow!
I also wouldn't want to go back to being 19. Oh the heartbreak of my true love and I breaking up, how I thought my world would never be the same. Now I can't even remember his middle name or his birthday. Funny.
My youngest son was doing very well in college, but quit after he got his associates. You can lead a horse to water.....
I think it would be fun to take classes just for the fun of it. I guess that is what I do now, only they are all quilting related classes!
My drama continues. I just keep plugging along. Some days are better than others. It has been raining cats and dogs here in Hawaii for the past 3 weeks. Really puts a damper on my mood. Oh well, no rain, no rainbow.
Aloha,
Wendy
PS Please recommend one book about urban planning, maybe entry level stuff? Thanks!
Me 57 XH 58 Sons age 32 & 27 M:32 D final 9/12 Bought 10 Acres and Living the Dream!
Hello everyone, havent posted in a while, sort of in that netherworld between sep/div. I generally receive at least one email a week from w, generally about business stuff, i.e. sale of house, taxes, etc. I recently finished moving into a one bedroom bungalow and had to sort through all the personal items we had accumulated over the last 14 years together, since when she moved out of state she took only the bare essentials. It was left to me to deal with the furniture, landlord, etc.
I am passed that phase now, she emailed me last week to thank me for meeting with our accountant to work out the taxes. Gathering the info for the taxes was both emotional and time consuming. She said she realizes I have been left with her leftovers to clean up and she is appreciative.
At the end of her last email, she basically said I know you have been busy with things, but that she really feels it is time for us to move forward on the D. I fully expected this to come, and was not too shocked.
We are not using lawyers or mediators, and will be filing on our own. She is asking me to file, since for her to file in her state would require both of us to appear in court, and she will not be able to file in NJ because she has to have been a resident for 12 consecutive months.
I am probably going to reluctantly agree to file here, even though I did not want the d, only to enable both of us to get on with our lives. I dont see any prospect for a reconciliation, she seems hellbent on getting the D. I have pretty much accepted this.
It strange, after she sent me the email, the next day she sent me a great picture of our dog sitting in the grass looking very kingly.Its almost as if she felt bad about our last exchange and was trying to change the subject.
Got a call from my SIL (bros wife) who is close to my w, she said my w has a new photo up on facebook, she is sitting on a motorcycle with a leather jacket on and a helmet. She is by herself. I have never known my w to ride a bike, but then, she has been doing some very uncharacteristic things over the last 9 mos. It is almost as if she is rebelling against who she was for the last 12 years of our m. She told me more than once that she feels like she lost herself in our m. I find myself constanly asking myself now, "who was my wife really? anyone else have this experience during and after the D? Could my w have supressed who she really was for 14 years? Seems like it would be impossible to me, any thoughts folks?
Hope you all are doing okay, really could use some insights from the pros on here, thanks all
m 54 XW 48 m 12 t 14 bomb 6-11 s 10-11 wife moved to other state 10-21-11 d 9-12
O GOD THY SEA IS SO GREAT AND MY BOAT IS SO SMALL!
Hi Gunny. I think it is possible for her to have suppressed things. Maybe she is having a MLC. I don't know about you filling. My understanding is the WAS should do all the work but mybe I'm wrong. Do you want to file? If not than I think she should do it. IMO but maybe others can chime in
Have a great on my friend
M 53 D 20 Separated 6/22/11 moved out 10/24 Together 26 yrs Married 16 W Filed for D 7/21/11 Served 9/6/11 D final 8/28/12
“Failure is not fatal, but failure to change might be.”
sorry for your pain. But don't waste time wondering if she suppressed herself or if this is an MLC or not It does not change YOUR course of action (GAL/180s, etc) and it is a waste of time wondering these things.
Besides, people do change. We grow and evolve and some of our growth is not linear. Some of our changes are good, but not all. Sometimes we take 3 steps forward and 4 back and maybe make it up later.
I have thought of getting a motorbike too. I won't til our d is out of the house or I have more life insurance. And maybe I won't get it.
I DID get my pilot's license but I don't own a plane. Just always wanted to do it, and go skydiving. Did that twice and will again. LOVED the freedom I felt.
But in some ways yes I have felt repressed. It's not my h's fault, it's our own choice and society's expectations, etc. I never got a grip about what your w wanted that she did not get in the marriage. Any new insights there?
I know you didn't have kids. Did she regret that do you think? is she near her family now?
Anyhow, give yourself some more time to reflect. I don't know the logistics of divorcing in your situation or how harmful it'd be financially.
But I DO understand that at some point, everyone has a breaking point. Not "breaking down"
but breaking off with the past and wanting to move forward...I get it.
But you don't have to DO anything, today....
keep talking here and see if we can help you navigate
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
Gunny, I am not a vet here and with my own D looming I question my perspective.
I do not give one whit about your W or for making this easy for her, she abandoned, she quit. I do give a sh1t about your readiness to move on, to go forth again.
What do you want? Are you ready to move on? Do you wish to make this easy?
Ohio has a 6 month residency requirement. Certainly she has met that by now. I do not know if you would have to appear. I am reasonably certain lawyers would have to be involved across state lines.
BITS Me 55, ACK, when did that happen? Doesn't feel like 55 D 30 S 27
You create your own universe as you go along - Winston Churchill
IMHO Letting the LBS do all the work is really more of a shortly post bomb strategy. What it does is that it buys you time during the period that the WAS is most resolute. It also gives them time to cool off and look at things objectively.
Finally it gives reality some time to kick in.
As to how long you should wait? Hard to say, you know every case is different.
I think once the WAS seems content with living in limbo that you should move towards pulling the plug. I believe that for many after the initial resolve wears away, they may not be sure they are ready to return, and they are not sure they want to divorce. So they ride limbo afraid to make a decision. Some stories here ride on for months if not years of misery on both sides since the WAS is too afraid or too proud to make a decision.
In these cases I recommend just slowly letting go. Tell her you contacted a lawyer for advice, send him his info. Ask if she wants to contact him. Give her time.
Get the forms, send them, give her time to fill it.
In other words move with her, but continue to let her set the pace. Slowly amp the ante. Think of each movement as a toll gate. Slowly start moving towards it so she has time to think about it but knows that she may loose you if she doesn't make up her mind
It's the whole you don't know what you have onto you lose it.
(((gunny))), so sorry, even tho we all expect it, I'm sure it's so difficult to actually take that step.
I have no advice other than move at the pace you're comfortable with.
From my meditation book for March 25th: What if we knew for certain that everything we're worried about today will work out fine?...What if we knew the future was going to be good and we would have an abundance of resources and guidance to handle whatever comes our way?
...What if we knew everything was OK and we didn't have to worry about a thing? What would we do then?
We'd be free to let go and enjoy life.
Enjoy life, my friend
Me 57/H 58 M36 S 2.5yrs R 12/13
Let me give up the need to know why things happen as they do. I will never know and constant wondering is constant suffering. Caroline Myss
