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#2232561 - 03/22/12 10:06 AM Re: I don't love you, but we can be friends Part 2 [Re: Starsky309]
Sad in WI Offline
Member

Registered: 03/01/12
Posts: 225
W wanted to discuss our M on Wednesday Night. She told me that for the last 3 weeks I have been acting like the H she has always wanted, but ultimately beleives that this will pass.

Told her that the only thing I can do is take it day by day and that I have been enjoying the increased time with the kids. Did not try to extend the conversation or bring up other things.

I then left it at that.
_________________________
M:39
W:38
S:12
D:8

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#2232623 - 03/22/12 03:11 PM Re: I don't love you, but we can be friends Part 2 [Re: Sad in WI]
labug Offline
Member

Registered: 11/25/11
Posts: 8907
Loc: Sonoran Desert
Excellent, Sad! (hate that name, maybe you should think about changing it)
_________________________
Me 57/H 58
M36 S24 S21
Bomb 3/11 Sep 3/11
Piecing 9/13 12/13 Reconciling

"We can make ourselves miserable, or we can make ourselves happy. The amount of work is the same"~Carlos Castenada

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#2232625 - 03/22/12 03:14 PM Re: I don't love you, but we can be friends Part 2 [Re: labug]
labug Offline
Member

Registered: 11/25/11
Posts: 8907
Loc: Sonoran Desert
I see someone else suggested the name change idea. It does conjure up this weak, droopy dog kind of guy.

Is that who you want to be?
_________________________
Me 57/H 58
M36 S24 S21
Bomb 3/11 Sep 3/11
Piecing 9/13 12/13 Reconciling

"We can make ourselves miserable, or we can make ourselves happy. The amount of work is the same"~Carlos Castenada

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#2232626 - 03/22/12 03:15 PM Re: I don't love you, but we can be friends Part 2 [Re: labug]
Sad in WI Offline
Member

Registered: 03/01/12
Posts: 225
It won't let me edit my name out, just everything else.
_________________________
M:39
W:38
S:12
D:8

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#2232632 - 03/22/12 03:56 PM Re: I don't love you, but we can be friends Part 2 [Re: Sad in WI]
labug Offline
Member

Registered: 11/25/11
Posts: 8907
Loc: Sonoran Desert
I think you might need to contact the mods. Others, DG I think is one, have changed their names.
_________________________
Me 57/H 58
M36 S24 S21
Bomb 3/11 Sep 3/11
Piecing 9/13 12/13 Reconciling

"We can make ourselves miserable, or we can make ourselves happy. The amount of work is the same"~Carlos Castenada

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#2232947 - 03/24/12 02:00 AM Re: I don't love you, but we can be friends Part 2 [Re: labug]
Sad in WI Offline
Member

Registered: 03/01/12
Posts: 225
Hello everyone hope you are having a nice Friday! I need to run the following past you guys:

W took the day off to watch D6 and S10 since they did not have school. W said she would take the kids this morning so that I could get to work early.

She then facetimed me this morning to tell me good morning and we talked. She called a few more times and I offered to bring home dinner since she was home with the kids and were stuck in the house since the weather was lousy.

D6 was getting on my W's nerves when I got home, but I was getting out for family and said nothing of it. She then brought up our R - she likes how things are, but thinks it is a temporary thing. As I said before I said that I am sorry you feel that way, but I am taking it day by day and cherish the time I am spending with the family. She kept pressing her point, but I just listened.

She also told me that she wanted me to tell her that I have been enjoying spending time with her. She told me she needs to hear these things as she thinks things would be better if I told her how I fealt.

What do I do? I have treaded lightly when she brings up the R talk. I tell myself I am trying to be best dad I can be and that I would never want our R/M to be like it used to be. I telll her that I am taking things day by day.

I know with DB there is the fine line with pursuing etc. I know I am making progress with the kids, but not sure how I should approach the W.

Do I send her an e-mail telling her that I have been enjoying the time we have spent together as a family and that I am enjoying her company? You would think that it would not have to be said, but she told me she is a women and needs to hear these things. Doesn't this go against the 37 rules? Here is a draft of an email I would send to her:

Dear W,

I have enjoyed the family time with you and the kids. I really enjoyed the conversations you and I have had lately. (I am at a loss for words to say what else).

SIW

Do I stay on track with the 37 rules or bend alittle bit?
_________________________
M:39
W:38
S:12
D:8

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#2232970 - 03/24/12 03:59 AM Re: I don't love you, but we can be friends Part 2 [Re: Sad in WI]
lostadrift Offline
Member

Registered: 11/28/11
Posts: 35
sounds like a positive interaction there to me,happy for you. Ill leave the advice to the vets.
_________________________
M40
W39
S14
D7
bomb 8/11
PA 10/11

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#2233020 - 03/24/12 02:01 PM Re: I don't love you, but we can be friends Part 2 [Re: Sad in WI]
Starsky309 Offline
Member

Registered: 10/11/10
Posts: 5055
Loc: Florida
WI,

I would say to her (no e-mail, do this face-to-face):

"Look, sure, I've been enjoying some of the time we've been spending together, but let's be real here: less than a month ago, you basically 'fired' me as your husband, and just wanted to be friends. I'm not sure how I feel about you right now, and I think it would be best for both of us to take these things slow. Nothing needs to be decided today, right?"

She's looking for you to make her feel good about HER choice to break up your marriage, even though that's not what you wanted. I'm sorry, but that's not your job.

Be LOVING about this, tho -- not a dikk or anything. It sounds like you both genuinely HAVE enjoyed spending time with her, and ARE confused about things . . . right? If so, then my suggested "script" would be genuine.

When in doubt, I'm a big "speak the truth, in love" guy. smile


Starsky
_________________________
At the end of every hard-earned day, people gotta find some reason to believe. (Bruce Springsteen)

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#2233021 - 03/24/12 02:04 PM Re: I don't love you, but we can be friends Part 2 [Re: Starsky309]
Starsky309 Offline
Member

Registered: 10/11/10
Posts: 5055
Loc: Florida
Oh, and I also wouldn't seek her out to have this conversation today, or even tomorrow or the next day. Maybe a week from now, when she makes a similar comment or something.

Otherwise, it just reeks of "hoop-jumping." She gives' ol Sad an "assignment" to do, and he follows up dutifully, like a puppy dog. Not attractive.

Contrary to rumor, ol' Starsky's not as big a fan of puppy dogs as you might think. wink


Starsky
_________________________
At the end of every hard-earned day, people gotta find some reason to believe. (Bruce Springsteen)

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#2233094 - 03/24/12 10:50 PM Re: I don't love you, but we can be friends Part 2 [Re: Starsky309]
Sad in WI Offline
Member

Registered: 03/01/12
Posts: 225
Starsky,

Held off on sending the email. R came up and told her that I enjoyed the time together with her and the kids. W met a friend and they went to get their hair done. Had the kids and we went bumming around. W called when she was coming home and was in a very good mood.

She looked very good and was not afraid to tell her so. On Sunday W and S10 re going to The Hunger Games and me and D6 are going to see the Lorax. We are now watching the Muppets. Hope everyone is having a nice weekend.

SIW
_________________________
M:39
W:38
S:12
D:8

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