This is a really crazy one!! I received a really nice email from my divorce lawyer today. She copied an email that she had received from xh a few days ago while she was away, telling her that she had misinformed me about whose role it was to tell the fund manager about the financial settlement details, and that she owed me at least an apology.
The context of this is that there was a total mix up following the financial settlement about my receiving money owing to me, and my xh was totally unco-operative about releasing information etc, which added at least two months on to the whole process of setting this right.
I had told him very clearly, about a couple of months ago, that it was the trial lawyer, and not my lawyer, who advised me that it was the Court's role to inform the fund manager, and that as he lived and worked on that circuit he might be assumed to know the rules!
I also told him I had no wish to complain to anyone about any of this, but wanted to get on with my life.
Why has he suddenly become my knight in shining armour I wonder?
Fwiw I have noticed, among all the erratic behaviour, a noticeable attempt to see and become more involved in the lives of his children, but all without making any amends, or acknowledging that he might have messed up . . .
So the latest flash and bang is xh as my champion!! My lawyer and I had to laugh about it. She has been doing this for more than 30 years, and never encountered anyone like me XH. Not really a record I wanted, but it is good to know it isn't just me.
SA - some of the delay was down to him. The fund managers told me he refused to co-operate when they finally received the Court order, and they had to threaten him with sanctions. He does not know I know this, and also does not know that my lawyer forwarded his email [we developed a good relationship dealing with my xh!!]
Whoever 'caused' this it was not my lawyer . . amd frankly, as I told him, I just wanted it settled, and get on with my life. I am not interested in apportioning blame, but he clearly is. More PS behaviour?
I do remember you saying that some of the delay was caused by him. That's why it's so curious that it seems important to him that he wants you to believe it wasn't due to him???
Bea, I think it is PA behavior and the reason I do is that he thinks that you are not communicating w/him because you think he was the hold up...which you know he was to some extent. He's now trying to pin the blame on your lawyer, not realizing she was not the cause of the delay.
Somewhere in his foggy brain, he is hoping that you will hear about this from your lawyer and you will contact him and say "thank you for taking care of this for me". He doesn't have a clue that you know the story and yes, he's trying to get your attention the only way he knows how...money and lawyers. If I were you, I wouldn't say one word to him about this. I would let him squirm long and hard and see just what he does next. He really doesn't know how to reconnect w/you and he sure doesn't know how to apologize like a normal, rational human being.
Bea, your life's story will become more interesting as he squirms to try to find some common ground w/you. Whatever you do, do not get angry...he is trying to grow up, but w/the PA behavior, he honestly doesn't know what to do.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Thank you all for the funny ways you see your MLCer's. Made me smile on a sad day. (W moves out of state in a few weeks.) I imagine that my W has a spinning head sometimes because she changes her mind so quickly and drastically.
Me:51 W:41 T:10 Domestic partners and M:7 Bomb:7/11 S:10/11 much back and forth W decides to move cross country: 2/12
Me(f): 51 W: 41 DP:8 M:3 T:10 "W not happy" 7/11 D final: 8/13
Life is good. No flashes and bangs from the Demon king. Or any contact at all for that matter, which is even better. I am so happy to have got beyond and away from the madness. I really empathise with what you are going through. It is the worst bit, when they are in such turmoil.
I am busy and happy. Miss what I had, but very much OK. Had lunch with an old friend today who got married again at Christmas I wondered if I would feel that I was missing out, and I really didn't. Very happy for her, but realised i LIKE my life.
Yes it can be glorious when they leave us to peace and quiet rather than the alternative spewing and disrupt.
Me: 46 H:44 Together: 25 years Married: 20 years Separated: 11-30-06 Divorced 12-21-07 OW: EA began 2005 PA began end of 2006 3 children,20, 16, 6 ex asked for forgiveness 01/16/11
My .02c worth re the comic book character ... my H is the Phantom. He appears one minute and is gone the next, for long lengths of time. Unfortunately, he doesn't have the heroic characteristics of the Phantom. Not anymore. Sadly, and the better for me, I don't miss him anymore when he's gone.
I'm glad that you're busy and happy, Beatrice. I have stages like that. Unfortunately, I spend a lot of time alone, and need to get out there and meet new people. It's just so easy to live inside my head (doing a poetry online course, and at school so constantly busy with projects/assignments). Oh well, I might crawl out of hibernation when the spring rain stops.
Me:57 H:52 M:28 Got another lawyer last year and filed. D35,S/D twins28,D22 EA4/04 End? Who knows? "Life is like a mirror. Smile at it and it smiles back at you." — Peace Pilgrim
