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#2222317 - 02/15/12 02:38 PM Re: WAW told me she doesn't want to be married pt3 [Re: witz10]
witz10 Offline
Member

Registered: 10/21/11
Posts: 234
Loc: PA
I have to say this is such and amazing ride to go through. One minute your perfectly fine and then you see or think something and boom the rest of your day goes down the tubes.
I am at a loss for words. I have no idea what my future holds for me at this point. Yea I am scared $hitless of where I will end up. I look at these dating sights and see divorced or separated women. (I know this is thinking down the line but they are just thoughts.) I think to myself do I want a mixed family with another persons kids. How can I reprimand another persons child and vice versa. What if I get attached to a person for a while and they have a kid and we break it off. I don't want my kids going through something like that. I also know I won't let anyone meet my kids until I am serious with someone. I am just lost in the sauce of life.
One of my big problems is having a memory like an elephant, as my friends and w say. I remember when my w and I were engaged and joked about a prenup. She told me back then that she was not letting me go no matter what I was the love of her life.
Guess things change huh. Funny it amazes me as well how everyone is saying to me she is having her cake and eating it too.
Oh well vented enough for now.
_________________________
M37 W34
S6
D3
M8yrs T14
S 1year
Told me she doesn't want to be married 10/2011
"I will never stop trying because when you find the ONE, you never give up." Steve Carrell Crazy, stupid, Love

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#2222339 - 02/15/12 03:52 PM Re: WAW told me she doesn't want to be married pt3 [Re: witz10]
Grmpy_Mnky Offline
Member

Registered: 12/17/11
Posts: 524
Loc: MS
Sorry bro!I noticed that on the sites too. I was like"eww" is this all that is out there? lol...
_________________________
Me: 44
Bomb: 11/27/11
Divorced:6/12
Life goes on: 6/13


Dogs still like bacon...a lot.

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#2222374 - 02/15/12 05:47 PM Re: WAW told me she doesn't want to be married pt3 [Re: Grmpy_Mnky]
labug Offline
Member

Registered: 11/24/11
Posts: 8384
Loc: Sonoran Desert
Hey Witz,

Quote:
She told me back then that she was not letting me go no matter what I was the love of her life.


What's different about you now? How were things better then?
_________________________
Me 57/H 58
M35 S24 S21
Bomb 3/11 Sep 3/11
Piecing 9/13 12/13 Reconciling

"We can make ourselves miserable, or we can make ourselves happy. The amount of work is the same"~Carlos Castenada

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#2222691 - 02/16/12 03:37 PM Re: WAW told me she doesn't want to be married pt3 [Re: labug]
witz10 Offline
Member

Registered: 10/21/11
Posts: 234
Loc: PA
Originally Posted By: labug
Hey Witz,

Quote:
She told me back then that she was not letting me go no matter what I was the love of her life.


What's different about you now? How were things better then?

When we lived together in Los Angeles we were our own individuals. I would go out to play softball 1 or 2 nights a week and we would do things on our own. After our kids were born I was more interested in staying home and my life became them. Now I have a life outside of them and with them as well.
Another thing we were a plane ride away from my families business so I didn't see everything first hand. Now I am involved. I see my mom at her house and at work. My brother and sister are here as well. I am looking to find another job but, I need to stay and pay off all my debts first then move on. Wherever I go I will take a drastic pay cut.

Another change in me is I am more outspoken and don't take any crap from my family. I used to let it go now no longer.
My W said to a friend of ours while on a play date with our kids. My W told her its not me anymore now she needs to figure out herself. She needs to figure out that the guy she is with is poison. She is just not ready.
Me I am paying my bills and saving money to buy a home for myself with a backyard for kids and a dog. I don't know if I ever want to go back to my condo.
_________________________
M37 W34
S6
D3
M8yrs T14
S 1year
Told me she doesn't want to be married 10/2011
"I will never stop trying because when you find the ONE, you never give up." Steve Carrell Crazy, stupid, Love

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#2222797 - 02/16/12 10:47 PM Re: WAW told me she doesn't want to be married pt3 [Re: witz10]
labug Offline
Member

Registered: 11/24/11
Posts: 8384
Loc: Sonoran Desert
That all sounds positive.
Quote:
My W told her its not me anymore now she needs to figure out herself.
Does this mean that you are no longer her problem?


Maybe your wife does needs to figure herself out and you can give her that space.
_________________________
Me 57/H 58
M35 S24 S21
Bomb 3/11 Sep 3/11
Piecing 9/13 12/13 Reconciling

"We can make ourselves miserable, or we can make ourselves happy. The amount of work is the same"~Carlos Castenada

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#2223019 - 02/17/12 02:32 PM Re: WAW told me she doesn't want to be married pt3 [Re: labug]
witz10 Offline
Member

Registered: 10/21/11
Posts: 234
Loc: PA
labug, I am giving her as much space as possible. The past few weeks have been good. A few weeks ago I expected to drop kids off and go. Then She offered me leftover chili and to make me sauteed brusel sprouts which I never had. I was there for 45minutes and she voluntarily told me what she did that weekend. Next night I found a dozen roses on the dining room table when I went up to get my resume off our computer. So there are good times then that.

I do get the feeling that she is questioning herself. She enjoys being around this other guy as well as her freedom.

Like this weekend is her weekend with kids. But she is running a race tomorrow and I told her I would take kids tonight for extra time and drop them off tomorrow afternoon. Then she is going out with them for a while and then droping them off at her parents house for a sleepover picking them up on Sunday. So really not a mommy and kids weekend. But she is very busy tomorrow race, therapy, son has a bday party she is taking him too. Next weekend is my weekend and she is taking them Friday night cause she is taking them to the circus on saturday then dropping them off to me. So I commented wow we both have easy weekends. She said she doesn't think they are easy just busy weekends.
When I don't have them I have nothing to do. I have to find things to keep me busy. I have no idea what she does that she is always running and can't sit.

I am trying to give her as much space as possible. Only thing left for me to do. Unless I shock her with an ultimatum and I go file for divorce. But that is not something I want to do. Even though I would control our fate.

Just a confused as everyone else out there going through this. Why can't logic just interfere its little head sometimes.
_________________________
M37 W34
S6
D3
M8yrs T14
S 1year
Told me she doesn't want to be married 10/2011
"I will never stop trying because when you find the ONE, you never give up." Steve Carrell Crazy, stupid, Love

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#2223026 - 02/17/12 02:44 PM Re: WAW told me she doesn't want to be married pt3 [Re: witz10]
labug Offline
Member

Registered: 11/24/11
Posts: 8384
Loc: Sonoran Desert
Yes, it's pretty confusing.

Quote:
When I don't have them I have nothing to do. I have to find things to keep me busy.


Find something, definitely!
_________________________
Me 57/H 58
M35 S24 S21
Bomb 3/11 Sep 3/11
Piecing 9/13 12/13 Reconciling

"We can make ourselves miserable, or we can make ourselves happy. The amount of work is the same"~Carlos Castenada

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#2223607 - 02/20/12 02:05 PM Re: WAW told me she doesn't want to be married pt3 [Re: labug]
witz10 Offline
Member

Registered: 10/21/11
Posts: 234
Loc: PA
This past weekend was supposed to be my wifes with our kids. She had a race to run on Saturday morning so I had my kids Friday night into Saturday and I dropped them off around noon. I text her early in the morning to wish her good luck then she text me back later on to tell me how she did.
When I went up to drop my kids off I noticed she got new pantry doors put on our pantry. We didn't have any since we moved into our condo and we had a flood. I said to her, "oh one of your dads friends finally got in touch with you?" She said no she took care of it. Which meant the om installed the doors for her either Thursday or Friday. Now what I find amusing about this is I asked this guy before all this started and I was living there if he would do it and he said he is not comfortable working on other peoples units. Hmm gonna leave that one alone. Lets just say if things work out between us I can't see myself moving back in.

My work has taken a slight turn. There are investors coming in to my families business that want to sort of take over and we would slowly become a bigger company. Now my brother is negotiating our new salaries and it would be a significant increase. So my eyes right now are sharply on paying my debt down then buying a home near my condo so I can be closer to my kids. Plus have a backyard for them etc. If my wife and I are back together by then just icing on the cake.

All in all I was at my condo for about an hour and we just made chit chat nothing too big. This weekend coming up was supposed to be mine with kids, but my wife asked if I minded switching. She is taking them on Saturday to the circus so I would only have them saturday night and sunday. Instead she is flying to California to visit a close friend the following weekend so I will have my kids then from Thursday to Monday. Should be fun. Now this friend of hers is/was a good friend to me as well, like a sister. She is my wifes confidant. I was able to talk with her when all this started then she stopped calling and texting me back in september. Last time I heard from her was Dec 26th out of the blue. Yea I can't read into my wife calling her and asking her to check in on me. I have not heard from this friend since Dec 26th.
_________________________
M37 W34
S6
D3
M8yrs T14
S 1year
Told me she doesn't want to be married 10/2011
"I will never stop trying because when you find the ONE, you never give up." Steve Carrell Crazy, stupid, Love

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#2223655 - 02/20/12 04:33 PM Re: WAW told me she doesn't want to be married pt3 [Re: witz10]
MrBond Offline
Member

Registered: 06/18/08
Posts: 10332
"She said no she took care of it. Which meant the om installed the doors for her "

Mindreading. For all you know, she really did do them herself.

As for your job sitch, I thought you didn't want to work with your family any more? It's better to go somewhere where you're happy, than stay working at a place where you're not.
_________________________
M-43 W-40
2D - 9 and 5

Emotion, yet peace.
Ignorance, yet knowledge.
Passion, yet serenity.
Chaos, yet harmony.
Death, yet a new life.

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#2223795 - 02/20/12 11:49 PM Re: WAW told me she doesn't want to be married pt3 [Re: MrBond]
witz10 Offline
Member

Registered: 10/21/11
Posts: 234
Loc: PA
I sat and had a conversation with my brother and mother regarding what is going to happen. My brother won't be fully in charge and there will be other people in the office other then my family. In all honesty like a sports player it comes down to the money. At 37 I can't go someplace and get offered what I was offered from Aetna. The pay cut doesn't help me with my future.
I will admit the money is the tempting part and I want a house for my kids with a backyard and a dog.
I feel this is something new. My job will change as well within the company.
I feel like if I stay for the duration then I can put money away.
Also at the moment I have no other offers. I received an email from Aetna telling me I was not going to fit with there team of customer service reps.
At the moment I am thinking of my future and my kids. More money means I can pay down my debt faster and start looking for a home closer to my kids and out of the basement. I can start my new life.
_________________________
M37 W34
S6
D3
M8yrs T14
S 1year
Told me she doesn't want to be married 10/2011
"I will never stop trying because when you find the ONE, you never give up." Steve Carrell Crazy, stupid, Love

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