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Originally Posted By: Rick
I dunno maybe we should talk about changing colors or the designs of license plates up north. How much would a plate cost that says " save the mnky" ." these are my "rust balls" or "love dogwoods in the spring"?


Well if you haven't lost your sense of humor by now then you're OK


My goal is to some day be the person my dog thinks I am
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Keep going - at a certain point of learning to detach, you might be able to take your anger out and look at it....it's usually there because we are not getting what we want and/or we are hurt beyond measure...understandable for sure...and also a function of our needs...which are also okay.

The thing that is so tough to get to and takes time for most of us is that we have to realize our S is on their own life journey, and they do have that right, no matter the consequences to us and/or kids. Not easy...in fact brutal to get to this point.

Once we get there you can look at your S for what they have gone back to...being an individual...not part of a M...or maybe still part of it but not consciously known to them anymore.

If you can see that troubled soul for what they are...then the anger starts to diminish. And if an affair? That's the worst anger to have and also very understandable. It takes the most effort of your life to accept, and actually you never accept it. You just recognize that your S ended up there, and probably not with that intention. You learn to be yourself again in a new world with a new future that may or may not include your S depending on the sitch. The anger gets compartmentalized maybe, and doesn't consume you as much. This may be an issue you have inherited in your life for good, how could it ever not be a part of you if the one you love(d) cheats? Time does heal and provide its own wisdom.

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Originally Posted By: Truegritter
Originally Posted By: Rick
I dunno maybe we should talk about changing colors or the designs of license plates up north. How much would a plate cost that says " save the mnky" ." these are my "rust balls" or "love dogwoods in the spring"?


Well if you haven't lost your sense of humor by now then you're OK


gallows humor?

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When I got home tonight from b-ball and buddies house S13 simply said "code red". That's our code for W is hammered. Phew...you know those drunks that get sappy and maudlin? Yup. Lots of fun. I listened for about two hours until S13 got my signal and rescued me to bring him to the store.

She really was belting out a ton of deep inside stuff and I really paid attention under the circumstances. Trying to put together the 50 different thread topics took some mental gymnastics. I think I got a good sense of what she is trying to tell me.

She doesn't realize this but she has my total support in whatever she does or whereever she goes. I truly want her to succeed, get past her psyche stuff, figure her life out, be content, and wherever she can do that I'm fine. I think she wants to take off and try it on her own, totally solo...something she's never done. I'm sure none of us here can relate to how you do that and leave your kids?

I hope she does go and find her answers. I'll set her up if that's what she needs.

BTW one of the posters here today shared with me how his W had the same trauma at same age, same diagnosis, same issues, same triggering of the bomb as a result as an adult. A horrible story to be sure. It also shoes me that what we are going through is understandable...we're all human...and many suffer similar problems. WE have to do our part even though the hardest thing ever.

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It's sad (and humorous) that you all have developed a 'code red' as a warning for your W's moods. You deserve an award for being as to sit and listen to her ramble on!

Your level of detachment is amazing!!! I hear you saying that you will help her, of he asks for it, in anyway needed... But at the same time- the plans you have for you life and your kids are going to continue and aren't effected by what she's choosing to do.... I hope to reach that one day (hopefully it won't take a year!)

I feel like a stupid cheerleader- because I'm just repeating the same things as everyone else.... But I'm so proud for you!!

I'll make you a pie!!


M-31, H-31
T-9, M-7
S-6, s-20mth
sep 8/1/11
ILYNILWY 11/29/11
Creating separation papers.
Discover H has feelings for BFF, she does too 1/11/12
H moves out 1.20.12
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I think you need to have a robot with silver arms like dryer venting that comes out of a closet at times like these with a loud "DANGER - RICKB, DANGER". Then it can just go back in the closet....


Me:45, W:45
S:16 D:13
M:22, T:25
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Originally Posted By: rickb89

When I got home tonight from b-ball and buddies house S13 simply said "code red". That's our code for W is hammered.



LMFAO^^^

Well Done Rick!!


Me- 34 W-33
S15 S10 S6
Married- 11 Together- 18
Bomb- 6-2011
WAW moves out- 8-2011

"Nothing in the Universe can stop you from letting go and starting over at anytime"- Guy Finley
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Rick, you've mentioned this before and I guess it gets glossed over. Is she hammered a lot? If so you know you aren't dealing with a person, but rather a substance. Even if she's self medicating due to her trauma, it doesn't matter, you can't save her. And self-medicating on top of her prescribed meds is over the top dangerous.

Ever thought of Alanon for you and Alateen for S13?

(((Rick)))


Me 57/H 58
M36 S 2.5yrs R 12/13

Let me give up the need to know why things happen as they do.
I will never know and constant wondering is constant suffering.
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Originally Posted By: ces67
I think you need to have a robot with silver arms like dryer venting that comes out of a closet at times like these with a loud "DANGER - RICKB, DANGER". Then it can just go back in the closet....


CES..you don't know how funny that is. I do have a Lost in Space robot that says that! I'll post a photo of it! She actually bought it for me years ago. How ironic!

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Originally Posted By: purgatory
It's sad (and humorous) that you all have developed a 'code red' as a warning for your W's moods. You deserve an award for being as to sit and listen to her ramble on!

Purg...Vinnie and I have had this secret code for quite some time sadly...but it does work! Code red means hammered...avoid at all costs; code blue means super depressed...avoid at all costs; code green means she's jealous of an imaginary woman (if she ever knew about our gang ha ha); code black means suicidal; code grey means she's speaking in tongues (we can't understand). I know it might sound like a big joke at her expense but it really is not; we are dealing with such wild mood swings and output that it became an early warning system...kind of gallow humor


Your level of detachment is amazing!!! I hear you saying that you will help her, of he asks for it, in anyway needed... But at the same time- the plans you have for you life and your kids are going to continue and aren't effected by what she's choosing to do.... I hope to reach that one day (hopefully it won't take a year!)

Purg...none of this has been easy, and I just recently made the breakthrough to understanding my anger and judgement. You get the lighter side of this from me and we can laugh about our trials together, but it has been so hard. I'm just now knowing I can see her objectively, let her go whereever she needs to go and help her if she wants it. She will always be part of me, hell she's been my adult life story up to this point. Purg in your way you have a big trial ahead of you with the deployment. Think long and hard about what life you want going forward. You don't have to have him in it in anyway less than what your life calls for if you choose. I'm not advocating you leaving, bt I am asking you to think about all we have learned about DB. It is possible that you can tell yourself how you want to live and maybe he will be a match for that. If not, some other incredibly lucky bastard will. Mach suggested to me once that I write a "mission statement". Just write down "how" you want to live. It helps you know. In fact. I suggested to W last night when she was asking for help that I had heard they help. She may or may not remember that this morning.

You're so strong. Glad to know you!

I feel like a stupid cheerleader- because I'm just repeating the same things as everyone else.... But I'm so proud for you!!

I'm glad you're a cheerleader for me...even if it is a Raiders cheerleader...shudder. Hey I'm a cheerleader for you too, short skirt, woolly sweater, hairy legs

I'll make you a pie!!


Mmmmm pie. What's your favorite kind?

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