If anyone is reading this note from me for the first time, please don't think that I have arrived here quickly....hell, I don't even really know where "here" is. It's been a long, painful road of reflection and loss....and there are still no guarantees that it will end the way I want it to. But I can tell you that if there is still something left that even CLOSELY resembles love for you in your w's heart, DBing can work. Even though we still have the petition pending, I am miles away from the low point that I hit so many months. I literally just had my wife over and cooked dinner for her. Read my first post and then go wrap your brain around that for awhile.
Crimson - I am SO glad you had a positive Sunday!
You don't know how much I needed to hear read this story. Reflection is something I do daily. It's amazing what I'm learning about ME that I never knew!
Crimbo - you have done so much hard work...been so unbelievably honest....have been willing to hear every one of us try to help...took any constructive criticism by manning up every time.
I am so overwhelmingly glad that you see what it means to live in the moment, and see the endless priceless opportunities that are staring us all in the face if we just slow down and live and laugh.
M 43 X 38 T 13 W moves out of home 11/2010 Roller coaster from hell 2/2011-5/2012 I request divorce 5/2012 W moves home 6/2012 Good time 7/2012 - 1/2015 I leave 3/2016 process of divorce
Well the fert appointment went pretty well. Walking back into that office really conjured up some old ghosts....good and bad. However, we always had a good, honest relationship with the doctor and the staff. We hugged our old nurse like she was family.
I think we kind of know what we would LIKE to do - but there are clearly some obstacles and challenges we need to get out of the way before anything truly happens.
Walking out of the clinic, my w gave me a really long hug. First one in 6 months. I really didn't know what to do or say. I mean, yeah, I hugged her back - but I felt like a nervous 17 year old kid still.
W had an appointment later in the day, but we met up for dinner to exchange s. We had a really good talk. She basically said what a lot of the WAWs and WAW experts here said she would say. She is scared that things will go back to the way that they were. I told her that I understood why she felt that way, and it was justifiable. She also said she felt we never truly had that "honeymoon" phase. She may be right - but I told her it wasn't for lack of feelings - it was more along the lines of me not being able to confidently express those feelings.
We did not talk about the D, L's or anything. But she does know that I want a family, not just babies. I think if we can keep working on things in a positive manner we might be OK. I have IC with our MC tomorrow - she has it Wednesday.
Come to find out that her "appointment" this afternoon was with a counselor that she has been seeing on her own. I had no idea. I guess she had been sharing her fears of falling back into old patterns with me again - I have no idea what the counselor told her but it must have helped.
Positive day, a lot of good things happening all the way around...
For you
For her
For your son
The BEST part( from what I read), was that you lived in the moment, and left the world of "what if's".
Try to continue that today.....
And I'm still waiting for that story
: )
what he said...well done Crimson
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
[quote=Crimson]She is scared that things will go back to the way that they were. I told her that I understood why she felt that way, and it was justifiable. She also said she felt we never truly had that "honeymoon" phase. She may be right - but I told her it wasn't for lack of feelings - it was more along the lines of me not being able to confidently express those feelings./quote]
Fert appointment and sharing sound nice.
You did a nice job with her first fear of listening to her and validating her.
Re: the honeymoon phase (or really for all her fears), make sure you really draw her out and help her feel safe to tell you exactly what it was that bothered her about not having a honeymoon phase or what she would like to be different or considers a honeymoon phase. (instead of trying to fix/explain why there was not a honeymoon phase).
It's really all about connecting/listening/validating. Really, the listening/connecting/validating will "fix" alot more than any explanation you can provide. If she feels understood and heard, she will feel so much safer with you.
Me-53 W-49 D22,D18,D15 T-Since-12/2001 Married-9/2004 She Moved Out-5/28/2010 Piecing start-04/2011 Now-together Thread http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2079304
Crimson - things really seem to be moving in the right direction for you. Keep working at it!
Quote:
Walking out of the clinic, my w gave me a really long hug. First one in 6 months. I really didn't know what to do or say. I mean, yeah, I hugged her back - but I felt like a nervous 17 year old kid still.
To my mind, this ^^^ was a huge step for your W. Take it slow, but things really are looking up. I must admit to being envious of you.
Me51 W53 S17 S14 M22 T25 Bomb-9/11; A-11/11; I move out 11/11
It's easy to find our bottom, it is our top that requires cultivation.
Every rough spot adds to our emotional constitution. -Barney Fife
