She loves me not

[Truegritter]

We have had good interactions. She has been gone a couple days with work. When she calls, she talks to me longer and longer. She even said "thanks for listening" after she went off about her terrible day. That was nice.

Or she just woke up on a different side of the bed...

Pulp I am not trying to p!ss in your cornflakes.

My point is you should not let whichever way the winds blows with her determine your life and your decisions.

The biggest thing for your I worry about is that as the clock is ticking, you will be stuck HERE where she dragged you, with your son...

Once time goes by even if you decide to move home your son will have to stay where she moved you guys.

I really worry about this for you.

Because it is all in her court.

I strongly suggest you talk to an attorney on this issue.

She may know this too so she might be waiting it out with you so you can't take your son back home.

It is a domicile issue with the courts and each state I think is different.

How will you feel if this option is no longer an option, she amps up her affair and you are stuck in this town because you want to be near your son and now his legal home is this town not the one you just left?

Your home?

You need to make some very difficult decisions quick but just remember make the one that is best for YOU and YOUR son.

Forget your W right now. She is certainly taking care of what she cares about and what she thinks is good for her...

Regardless of you.

[pulpwood]

I made a trip back home to visit Grandma. She is 89 and her heart is failing. She is going downhill daily but very ok with it. We, as a family, are too. She is still able to speak but not much else. It was very good to see and talk with her. What a good, sweet, caring woman.

I had lots of driving time, and time at the hospital, to think about life. It was good. I found some peace, and was more relaxed than I have been in weeks. My appetite was back, energy up, sleeping well. Sad, but ok.

I got home and all the anxiety came rushing back. Even stronger than when I left. I felt peaceful until the moment I walked in the door. Knot in my stomache. Appetite gone. Restless sleep. Worry. It just rushed at me. I don't know why.

Shaking it off.

[pulpwood]

So I have made a firm decision to ride it out here Gritter. I understand your concern. In my heart I just feel it is the right thing to do. I have thought it over, and over, and over. I have no expectations. This is for me. Because I will feel better about myself going this route.

I want to go home, sure. I want to do right by my S even more. Anyway the decision is made. I made it. And I like it.

Things are going good. I mean to say I am doing good. DBing. Not backsliding. Interactions are friendly, neighborly.

She is softening some. Smiling a little more. I know she could jump ship anytime. I'm ready. In fact I'm kinda bored. There is a part of me that just wants to eff or fight. Either way. Bring it on.

Then I remember patience.

I'm taking S to the circus tomorrow. He has been wanting to go to one for a few months. So it should be a good time.

I'm gonna grill burgers and boudan tomorrow nite. I got a nice cigar and a few beers making my mouth water too. Ahh springtime.

[TSquared2]

I have no expectations. This is for me. Because I will feel better about myself going this route.

I want to go home, sure. I want to do right by my S even more. Anyway the decision is made. I made it. And I like it.

There ya go...

Here for ya...!

Sometimes making "a" decision, regardless of which choice, sets the path and takes the stress out some. Plus it shows confidence, which is good for YOU.

Those beers better be up to the caliber of the cigar, btw... !

T^2

[labug]

I've found that the "re-entry" (coming back after being away fromt eh day-to-day of the sitch) is always difficult.

Being away puts all the drama out of our minds and replaces it with other thoughts.

It's when we can gain that same space in our daily lives that we are truly detached.

What can you do to create that now?

And what is boudan?

[pulpwood]

I am doing better with detaching. Keeping busy in daily life helps. Its when laying in my bed alone that I find myself in a dark place emotionaly. Time has helped some.

Boudan- cajun food. Rice, pork parts, and lots of spices, in a sausage like casing.

My cooking instructions. Place on grill (not over HOT coals) close lid for 5-10min to get a little smoke infused. Then wrap in foil with a splash or two of warm beer to keep moist. Cook over med-low till the casing dissolves (about 30 min.) Mmmm. Mmmm. Good.

Gotta go. Circus time.

[pulpwood]

So I read something on here a few days ago. It goes something like...

Its not that you didn't know what you had till it was gone. You knew what you had, you just never thought you would lose it.

So true.

I always knew.

Man I miss that woman.

I am fine. Not dwelling. DBing right along. Just thinking about old times.

Circus was good. S had a great time. Those motorcycle dudes in the steel ball are crazy.

Practiced t-ball in they yard as a family today.

[Truegritter]

So I have made a firm decision to ride it out here Gritter. I understand your concern. In my heart I just feel it is the right thing to do. I have thought it over, and over, and over. I have no expectations. This is for me. Because I will feel better about myself going this route.

There is no right or wrong answer here Pulp. Only regret for choosing the wrong thing for you or having your W make the decision for you.

You have made YOUR choice here so that is what is important.

Now live.

Forget your W right now. I am not saying your W won't come back.

YOUR success depends on how you choose to live with your choice. Not on what your wife has chosen, is choosing or will choose in the future.

What you choose from this day forward will make all the difference in the world Pulp.

SO what does your life look like going forward?

How can you live an example for your son?

What are your goals from here Pulp?

[pulpwood]

Pressed for time so I will think about and get to your Q's next time Gritter.

We were talking and I asked W where she was at. Realizing immediately that it was a backslide, I couldn't believe that just came out of my mouth. She said things change daily for her. She just doesn't know. She is affraid to show me any positive for fear that I might act like all is ok. She is affraid to move out for fear that I might move back. She said she just doesn't feel like she thinks she should feel toward me. She misses the good times but doen't know how to get back there or if we can.

I just STFU and listened and validated some things. Anyway, bad move but I handled it as best I could and she didn't flip out. Glad to come out the other side and move on down the DB road. I pretty much knew the answers by heart as I have read them so many times on here before. I'm not down about her answers. Quite the opposite.

Didn't tell her I have decided to stay here. Should I have? It could be considered controlling behavior to let her think I will move back.

I did tell her that I intend to move through this together as parents. So maybe that covered it. I felt like it did at the time, but typing through this made me wonder.

[TSquared2]

Hey PW,

Looks like the LBS truth machine was active today...I let slide some of my feelings today as well.

I wouldn't worry about telling her your decision at the moment, she doesn't really have the right to know. I think your telling her you are going to move through this together as parents probably covered it, but not too much...still some ambiguity in there... Let her think what she will.

She hasn't moved out, she isn't sure what she wants, so you still get to show her the new, improved PW...