She is going to the party no matter what. I am also going no matter what. Today is my day with the kids til 6. Party is at 430. They need to get dressed up in nice clothes etc and that can't happen in my tiny apartments (baths etc)
So I'm just going to ask her how she wants to handle or orchestrate everything.
I see your point LA. I just want her to decide and I'm at ease with any decision she comes up with.
I actually feel great again even with all the W interuptions this weekend. 2 days of meds. Counseling again Monday. I'm excited.
Ironic thing is this is orginally my W's counselor and she stopped cuz of money (excuse really )
I hope she goes back for herself and not us. He rocks.
He has helped me erase/release 3 traumatic childhood instances. All of which tied into my learned controlling behaviors
Working on myself is actually alot of fun. Lot more then I thought it would be. I appreciate this forum for pushing me that way.
Even though I feel like she used me all weekend I actually don't care as much as I use to.
In other words I took my balls back from my W last night. She's had them on the mantle for the last 2 months. Tired of living out of fear. I told her I felt she was using me and she didn't like it. Tough crap this is how I feel. D me for me communicating I dont care
Did she tell you anything that you didn't already know ??
Net,
What we search for here, is a balance for YOUR life.
Working on yourself, so that you can see the role you played in the demise of what was, your marriage.
Sometimes we get buried under a mountain of crap, sometimes we can stand on top of that mountain. It's not about winning or losing anything.
It is about what you can allow of yourself, it is about what you can't allow of yourself.
First thing though....you need to know yourself well enough to know the difference.
Right now, your spouses life is all about her. I don't see that changing anytime soon. And there is certainly not anything that YOU can do to change that.
What is causing her to act that way ???
Maybe the moon looks blue to her, maybe popcorn tastes like moth balls...
Maybe she is picking up radio stations in one of her dental fillings....
In reality, it isn't up to you to figure that out.
What is reality... is that you have to start making those decisions that are best for you.
Those decisions will ultimately be what is best for your children.
HER choice right now, is to take steps to get away from you. And while that choice hurts, you really need to honor that.
It doesn't mean to take an active role , and pursue getting a divorce, or to do anything other than just be you...
Let her have her space for now...
Your decisions and choices are going to put you in a position to make quite a few unpopular decisions ( by her standards). That should in no way keep you from making them. They will drive you apart from her at times.
As long as they are in the best interest of the children, and are aligned with what you can handle...
That is something I would like for you to establish before you interact next....
What contact can you handle, in a positive way with her ???
Well M1 I'm not actively pursuing to get a divorce. I just feel I want to be able to communicate to my W if I am not comfortable with treatment by her. If that in turns pushes her closes to D then so be it. I'm not going to walk on eggshells and have unnecessary anxiety from her.
I told her last night how I felt and she didn't like it. She lashed out at me. That is fine. Its off my chest and she knows I feel she is "nice" to me when its her weekend with the kids.
She does want the best of both worlds. Me out of her life and the kids in her life like we are married. I think its confusing to the kids and confusing to me and her.
I wasn't mean. She said "I know what I want and that is a D but I don't have the heart to do it" I replied I respected that feeling of yours a week ago. Said those are your feelings and I respect it.
Believe me I'm not pushing for a D but I also have to let her go. Up to this point I didn't stand up for myself at all.
Here is a scenario that just happened today. I had counseling scheduled for 9 am. I get a txt at 8 am my son is sick with fever. I said oh no do you need me to get meds etc. She said yes. So I did. But... she followed up with a txt there is a service at church for my grampys birthday its at 9 can you watch S for an hour. I said no I had counseling. I felt bad but she didn't even tell me about the service. She was going to go today if my S wasn't sick and I really NEED to goto counseling. The old me would have canceled counseling and catered to her needs. I almost did today. But I felt that I need to work on ME. No matter if she D's me or not.
M1 to be honest my counselor help me realize I do NOT want to go back to her like this. What is the point? To be miserable? Unhappy ? Have negative energy. Only way we get back together if she decides on her OWN to go work on herself. I've decided to work on me and to be honest I feel pretty good so far.
Believe me I don't want my actions to push her into a D. But at some point I need to protect myself and continue to work on myself. There is no reason for her to be around so much on my weekend with the kids. When its her weekend I don't here from her. So Yeah I need the space to enjoy my kids.
I really don't want her back as is so I'm at ease with whatever she decides. If she needs to start mediation to make her feel better then I'm ok with it. This marriage is DEAD as is. I've never been so excited to work on myself. Hopefully she sees the need to do the same.
I think the reality of what is happening right now and I had a lot of trouble earlier with it and still have trouble today with it is for now it is best that me and W are just "friends"
One of the most frustrating things I'm experiencing is when I try to express to my W how I feel about a given situation she is absolutely immature about it. When I told her I felt she was using me a little she called me a "f98r4398ing retard" you are an absolute idiot etc.
I mean she is 40 and saying these things. Seems so childish to me
