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#2229350 - 03/10/12 06:28 AM Finding my way through the fog
2thepoint Offline
Member

Registered: 09/30/11
Posts: 1692
Time sure does fly when you are having fun. Time for a new thread. Below is the link to my last thread. Links to previous threads can be found there as well.

9 - Picking Weeds and Planting Seeds

========================

Tonight I find myself preparing to move back to the bachelor pad tomorrow. As I mentioned the other day, W has stated that she needs to get back into the swing of things in terms of managing the house and the kids and everything else.... on her own.

I have to admit that it stings.... a lot!

My brother in law called me tonight (not W's brother, but her sister's H) to see how things were going with W and with me. I'm comforted by the fact that a member of her side of the family cares enough to check in on me from time to time. So anyway, I gave him the update on my W's health, on the kids, our sitch, etc. He is just baffled by it all. Of course there is one missing piece of the puzzle that he nor anyone else is aware of and that is the long distance EA/A that my W is involved in.

If he knew that important piece, things would make perfect sense to him and everyone else. I've been very good about not disclosing this critical piece of information. I've likely suffered harm to my reputation as a result of what people deduce is the root of our M problems. But I continue to keep my mouth shut in the hopes that one day we can piece our M back together.

Speaking of W's health, she appears to be doing remarkably well. Her heart rate is back to normal with the aid of some medication. Her stamina is greatly improved with the only problem being that she still gets tired, but we believe that to be a function of the medication she is taking. Her mood over the past few days has been fantastic, better even than before she got sick when I thought she was really suffering emotionally.

I'd like to think that the care and support that I have provided her over the past month has helped her heal both physically and emotionally. It's just a damn shame that she has no room in her heart for me.

I find it truly amazing that a near death experience, prolonged hospitalization and lengthy recovery has not been enough of a shock to wake her from her fog. I mean it just boggles the mind! Case in point: W has been on calls with OM for most of the day today. It is around midnight and I can hear her on the phone even as I type this. It's just crazy! crazy

======================

Enough about my W, what about me? Well for starters, I leave for Spain a week from today. I'm pretty stoked to be going to Europe for the first time and I'm looking forward to meeting up with my good friends in Madrid after they finish their tour of Italy.

Another big event that is in the process of unfolding is that I have been involved in a series of promising job interviews. 2 weeks ago I had a screening interviewing followed by a request to provide a written response to two additional screening interview questions.

This past Monday I participated in a one hour panel interview with the hiring manager, two potential peers and the HR business partner. Today, I received word that they would like me to participate in a second round of interviews which consist of 3 separate 1 hour telephone interviews over 3 days next week.

The panel interview went exceptionally well and I am feeling pretty confident. Of course I have no idea who my competition is and I still have to get through these next interviews before I'll know were things will go next. But, I am really excited by the prospect of possibly having a new job lined up and waiting for my return from Spain.

If that all comes together, then I think I can honestly say that I am slowly finding my way through the fog. I just wish I could say the same about my W.

Time marches on I suppose.
_________________________
Me48 W50 S15 S11
M20 T23
Bomb-9/11; A-11/11; I move out 11/11

It's easy to find our bottom, it is our top that requires cultivation.

Every rough spot adds to our emotional constitution. -Barney Fife

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#2229354 - 03/10/12 06:56 AM Re: Finding my way through the fog [Re: 2thepoint]
CallieIsSpooky Offline
New Member

Registered: 03/08/12
Posts: 4
Hi, I'm new here. I just wanted to say your story and your attitude are inspiring. I wish you luck in your marriage situation and your job interviews. Thank you for sharing!
_________________________
Me: 43
H: 43
M: 7
T: 12
S1
D3
D3
Living together, sleeping apart 3+ years

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#2229378 - 03/10/12 01:38 PM Re: Finding my way through the fog [Re: 2thepoint]
labug Offline
Member

Registered: 11/25/11
Posts: 9082
Loc: Sonoran Desert
Quote:
Case in point: W has been on calls with OM for most of the day today. It is around midnight and I can hear her on the phone even as I type this. It's just crazy


I'm sorry, that must be so painful. (((2)))

That interview process is brutal! Sheesh! However, it must help take your mind off the sitch and keep it fully on you.
_________________________
Me 57/H 58
M36 S24 S21
Bomb 3/11 Sep 3/11
Piecing 9/13 12/13 Reconciling

"We can make ourselves miserable, or we can make ourselves happy. The amount of work is the same"~Carlos Castenada

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#2229383 - 03/10/12 01:54 PM Re: Finding my way through the fog [Re: labug]
purgatory Offline
Member

Registered: 12/13/11
Posts: 825
Loc: Virginia
Sounds like you have some good things on the horizon! Spain is going to be awesome- you really deserve some time to yourself to relax smile

It baffles me as well that her brush with death and your unconditional support wasn't enough to clear the dense fog that seems to be surrounding her.

Time to get out the fog lamps so you can navigate your way through it, you don't want to end up getting lost in the fog with her.
_________________________
M-31, H-31
T-9, M-7
S-6, s-20mth
sep 8/1/11
ILYNILWY 11/29/11
Creating separation papers.
Discover H has feelings for BFF, she does too 1/11/12
H moves out 1.20.12

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#2229384 - 03/10/12 01:55 PM Re: Finding my way through the fog [Re: labug]
Accuray Offline
Member

Registered: 07/20/11
Posts: 2090
Grrrrr! You're a good man T2P, taking care of W while she persists in pursuing OM is a huge act of selfless kindness.

This fantasy our spouses hang onto about OP is so frustrating and maddening.

Your Spain trip will be great and I'm sure you'll get the job. You've had a lot of "character building" lately and I'm sure that shines through.

Accuray
_________________________
Married 18, Together 20, Now Divorced
M: 45, W: 47, D: 15, S: 13, D: 9
Bomb Dropped (EA, D): 7/13/11
Start Reconcile: 8/15/11
ILYBINILWY (again) 7/12
Bomb Dropped (EA, D): 5/1/2014
Divorced 8/2014

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#2229435 - 03/10/12 07:04 PM Re: Finding my way through the fog [Re: Accuray]
2thepoint Offline
Member

Registered: 09/30/11
Posts: 1692
Yesterday evening I went to a yoga class at the invitation of a female friend of mine. It was awful! Dirty, smelly floors, strange intonations by the instructor, weird music (if you want to call it that) and the AC was blasting freezing us all!

Still glad I went though. Got some good exposure to some pretty extreme yoga poses only to discover later that because there were several beginners in the class, the instructor was taking it easy on us, (sure could've fooled me!). laugh

So today I was telling my W and S10 about the class. I like to tell stories in self depricating ways including demonstrations of poses, etc. just to make it funny. I could tell W wasn't into it so I stopped, but she and S10 asked me to finish.

Then W asks me where I went because by my description it didn't sound like our home gym, which it wasn't. She then asks me who I went with. So I told her it was a friend of my roommates GF, which is true. I immediately noticed W's radar engage. She starts asking me if this "friend" was able to do the yoga poses. I said yes she was prety good and I'm clearly the novice. Not wanting to discuss further, I walked out of the room.

Now I'm starting to feel guilt about spending time with a female friend that my W doesn't know. I know it shouldn't bother me, it was all perfectly innocent, but it does.

Sigh!
_________________________
Me48 W50 S15 S11
M20 T23
Bomb-9/11; A-11/11; I move out 11/11

It's easy to find our bottom, it is our top that requires cultivation.

Every rough spot adds to our emotional constitution. -Barney Fife

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#2229438 - 03/10/12 07:21 PM Re: Finding my way through the fog [Re: 2thepoint]
rickb89 Offline
Member

Registered: 10/04/11
Posts: 1119
T2 - like all liquid metal cyborgs, after each form of destruction you keep reforming back into a better T2.

You might as well get used to the double standard. It's a standard requirement for all MLC's to be as obnoxious as possible in that category. And she will absolutely use it to justify her A with the horned creep from 900 miles away.

We all see this in our aitches. Think of each one of our DB buddies here, maler and female...each one of us has this same story.

T2 - we all do that...let guilt consume us, let their crazed new standard control our responses until we say "f" it, that's enough. You are in no way an immoral or weak character for having a female friend after your W kicked you out of your M, and took on the OM.

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#2229439 - 03/10/12 07:30 PM Re: Finding my way through the fog [Re: rickb89]
labug Offline
Member

Registered: 11/25/11
Posts: 9082
Loc: Sonoran Desert
Misplaced, wasted emotion in this situation.
_________________________
Me 57/H 58
M36 S24 S21
Bomb 3/11 Sep 3/11
Piecing 9/13 12/13 Reconciling

"We can make ourselves miserable, or we can make ourselves happy. The amount of work is the same"~Carlos Castenada

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#2229440 - 03/10/12 07:32 PM Re: Finding my way through the fog [Re: rickb89]
ces67 Offline
Member

Registered: 12/23/11
Posts: 1024
2 - I'm telling ya, all you guys out there doing yoga. I'm going to have to get on the band-wagon.

Stay upbeat as you move out. I wish something would jolt your W into the reality of what she's giving up. I'll keep praying it happens for you.

Try not to obsess on how your W might view your friend. If you're not comfortable with the idea of having a lady friend then back off, but do it for you. Let go of the mind-reading and let your W deal with her own feelings.

Spain is sounding mighty good! Enjoy and best of luck with the job offer too.

My interview process for the job I had now consisted of 2 phone interviews then a site visit. They flew me in and I spent from 8:30am to after 6pm interviewing with about 10 to 12 people. Some 1 on 1, some in pairs and then a panel with the team I ultimately managed. It was a looooong day but it paid off.

Enjoy your weekend and try and stay focused on where 2 is heading and not what W is stalling.
_________________________
Me:45, W:44
S:15, D:12
M:22, T:25
Bomb: July 2010
2 attempts at MC-stopped 09/13
Continue to live in same home-separate rooms

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#2229452 - 03/10/12 09:28 PM Re: Finding my way through the fog [Re: ces67]
nhmom Offline
Member

Registered: 12/20/11
Posts: 345
2TP,

I hope deep down your W appreciates your help and support in her recovery. It must not have been easy to go through the scare of losing her, stepping in and showing her what unconditional love really means. I'm sorry that it didn't get her to open her eyes and appreciate what she has and what she's willing to give up. I commend you for giving support while being able to hear her talking to OM. You kept your compose and that's awesome! It's hard to keep these feelings inside (at least it is for me, and I would not have been able to keep my mouth shut - so you're way ahead of me there!)

While your W was recovering, she got used to you always being around to help. Let her miss you and miss all that you were doing.

I'm excited about your trip to Spain. I've never been, but it's on my list. My Spanish friend always brings us a bottle of Rioja and some Spanish olive oil (the Spaniards sure are proud people). You're going to have a great time.

Your interview process sounds painful, though I think CES got you beat on that smile

Sorry you had a weird first experience with yoga. Don't feel guilty for spending time with another female. One, she's a friend and you're not pursuing her, and two, it sure got your W's attention. Let her wonder what you're up to. It shows that she still cares, even if she's still deeply trapped with OM. You're not out of the picture yet.

You're doing great and you have some exciting things happening!
_________________________
Me:32 H:34 T:14.5 M:9.5 S:5 BD: 11/25/11



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