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#2234636 - 03/31/12 11:58 PM Re: Together Since We Were 15...Now Piecing [Re: Jenna333]
MrBond Offline
Member

Registered: 06/18/08
Posts: 11006
First off let me tell you that you were BOTH wrong for letting it get physical.

It was bound to happen sooner or later. Regardless of what everyone told you to do in terms of releasing some control over him you let your anxiety, fear and insecurity get the best of you. He went out with his buddies. That's what guys do. I understand that you were worried about him overindulging, but to a certain degree you're going to have to let him have some autonomy.

But because you wanted him around to keep tabs on him (his drinking) you wanted all the control. You set both of you up to fail.

You let your insecurities get the best of you, so you started yelling; he tried to talk to you but you wouldn't hear any of it, so you tried to leave, so he tried to restrain you to talk it out. Not the correct thing to do on his part, but it showed how frustrated he was with you.

The reason why you were hyperventilating and having a panic attack wasn't because of him, it was because of all your adrenaline that kicked up because you worked yourself up.

If you would have been more calm it would not have ended the way it did. Honestly? If it's not with him, it's going to happen to the next guy you're with. Both of you are dealing with this in an immature way.

He apologized, but you wouldn't hear anything of it. You were the wronged one in your mind. But let's face it. What started it all?
_________________________
M-43 W-40
2D - 9 and 5

Emotion, yet peace.
Ignorance, yet knowledge.
Passion, yet serenity.
Chaos, yet harmony.
Death, yet a new life.

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#2234639 - 04/01/12 12:19 AM Re: Together Since We Were 15...Now Piecing [Re: Jenna333]
greenblue90 Offline
Member

Registered: 04/09/11
Posts: 685
I'm sorry to hear this, but you are right in leaving.

No matter how belligerent and rude you might have been he has no right to hit you. You shouldn't even consider taking him back until he is sober for at least a year or two. Also if you take him back, he better have a stronger career than the hospitality industry. After working in it for 2 years I am convinced that it provides too much temptation for a stable marriage. I never worked a job where there were so many opportunities to party, I remember hanging out with fellow servers in an alley drinking at 3 am. They did this after every shift. Then a few would go to the after hours clubs.

Most had terribly unstable families. I knew of a couple of good guys. (one is my godfather, the other is my sisters godfather) who were dependable and strong family men, but most guys were too caught up in the party atmosphere.

Expect his behavior to get worse from this point. He'll probably drink more even if just to spite you. Start working out a plan to move somewhere safe, preferably with family.

Bottomline your BF has a very hard rock bottom to hit, he most likely works with some serious enablers, so his rock bottom will be harder than most people's. You need to be far away when he does.

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#2234647 - 04/01/12 01:54 AM Re: Together Since We Were 15...Now Piecing [Re: greenblue90]
Jenna333 Offline
Member

Registered: 12/23/11
Posts: 322
He definitely works with enablers frown

I'm so sad. I saw a happy life with him...well, not him, because he really isn't that guy anymore. He is coming over tonight after work to talk. There's not much that can be said now, though, I don't think.

He didn't hit me, just FTR. But he threw me around and shoved me frown
_________________________
M & H 25
T 9
D 7
S 4
Bomb 11/11 Confused about feelings for me.
Bomb 12/11 ILYBNILWY, moved out
2-1-12 We're exclusive & dating each other.
3-4-12 H moved back in.
3-31-12 I deserve better. I'm done

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#2234654 - 04/01/12 02:32 AM Re: Together Since We Were 15...Now Piecing [Re: Jenna333]
nhmom Offline
Member

Registered: 12/20/11
Posts: 345
Jenna,

I'm so sorry to hear what went down. It doesn't matter what the circumstances are, a man should never lay a hand on a woman...and throwing you around is no different. I hope at some point you'll be able to let him know that it's not ok.

I'm sorry you're sad and having to deal with this. I hope that you're able to find ways to enjoy your birthday. Happy birthday!
_________________________
Me:32 H:34 T:14.5 M:9.5 S:5 BD: 11/25/11



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#2234657 - 04/01/12 02:54 AM Re: Together Since We Were 15...Now Piecing [Re: nhmom]
Jenna333 Offline
Member

Registered: 12/23/11
Posts: 322
It's my fault he abused me, Mr Bond? Wow, just wow. Way to blame the victim. I hit him out of SELF DEFENSE. He picked me up and threw me. Shoved me into a wall! He TOLD me he'd be home. He didn't come home. That is not 'what guys do'. Responsible, respectful men at least call to say that they'll be late! And to say that he restrained me to talk to me is ridiculous. He wanted to be in control of me. HE started it by telling me he'd be home and then skipping out and drinking instead.
_________________________
M & H 25
T 9
D 7
S 4
Bomb 11/11 Confused about feelings for me.
Bomb 12/11 ILYBNILWY, moved out
2-1-12 We're exclusive & dating each other.
3-4-12 H moved back in.
3-31-12 I deserve better. I'm done

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#2234658 - 04/01/12 02:56 AM Re: Together Since We Were 15...Now Piecing [Re: Jenna333]
Jenna333 Offline
Member

Registered: 12/23/11
Posts: 322
And I had a panic attack because he had just thrown me around like a rag doll and then was pinning me down.
_________________________
M & H 25
T 9
D 7
S 4
Bomb 11/11 Confused about feelings for me.
Bomb 12/11 ILYBNILWY, moved out
2-1-12 We're exclusive & dating each other.
3-4-12 H moved back in.
3-31-12 I deserve better. I'm done

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#2234659 - 04/01/12 02:57 AM Re: Together Since We Were 15...Now Piecing [Re: Jenna333]
labug Offline
Member

Registered: 11/25/11
Posts: 8877
Loc: Sonoran Desert
Jenna, I hope this works out in a way that's good for you and your children.
_________________________
Me 57/H 58
M35 S24 S21
Bomb 3/11 Sep 3/11
Piecing 9/13 12/13 Reconciling

"We can make ourselves miserable, or we can make ourselves happy. The amount of work is the same"~Carlos Castenada

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#2234660 - 04/01/12 03:00 AM Re: Together Since We Were 15...Now Piecing [Re: labug]
labug Offline
Member

Registered: 11/25/11
Posts: 8877
Loc: Sonoran Desert
Mr Bond, abuse is never OK.
_________________________
Me 57/H 58
M35 S24 S21
Bomb 3/11 Sep 3/11
Piecing 9/13 12/13 Reconciling

"We can make ourselves miserable, or we can make ourselves happy. The amount of work is the same"~Carlos Castenada

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#2234661 - 04/01/12 03:01 AM Re: Together Since We Were 15...Now Piecing [Re: labug]
labug Offline
Member

Registered: 11/25/11
Posts: 8877
Loc: Sonoran Desert
Jenna, did you make a police report?
_________________________
Me 57/H 58
M35 S24 S21
Bomb 3/11 Sep 3/11
Piecing 9/13 12/13 Reconciling

"We can make ourselves miserable, or we can make ourselves happy. The amount of work is the same"~Carlos Castenada

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#2234663 - 04/01/12 03:10 AM Re: Together Since We Were 15...Now Piecing [Re: labug]
Jenna333 Offline
Member

Registered: 12/23/11
Posts: 322
No.
_________________________
M & H 25
T 9
D 7
S 4
Bomb 11/11 Confused about feelings for me.
Bomb 12/11 ILYBNILWY, moved out
2-1-12 We're exclusive & dating each other.
3-4-12 H moved back in.
3-31-12 I deserve better. I'm done

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