Together Since We Were 15...Now Piecing

[purgatory]

Have fun setting up your new place!

It sounds like you've got your wad on straight and eyes wide open- both very important with all the possible issues about to come. As long as you and J can always keep the lines of communication open and honest, I see good things for your family

How's school going? Do you like you job?
So happy for you guys!

[rickb89]

Agree w/Purg ^^^^^^^.

You're a smart girl Jenna...keep it together and remember we're here if you need us!

[Jenna333]

Thanks Pur and Rick. We definitely are trying to take this slowly and carefully.

School and work are going great! Can't wait until I get my first paycheck

J stayed over the other night. We had plans to have wine and watch a movie. He have his buddy a ride downtown after work (he didn't get off until midnight). I fell asleep. I wake up at 1am and he's still not here. I called him and he was on his way. He had a beer with the guy and some coworkers. He said he didn't think it's take that long and that he was really sorry. He said he realized how inconsiderate of him that was, though it wasn't intentional. I was upset because it reminded me of the 'old' J. His sincere apology was the new J, though. He repeatedly told me it wouldn't happen again.

I was upset mainly because we don't see each other every night. We don't live together yet. He had just hung out with friends the night before. I felt like I wasn't a priority.

First counseling session tomorrow. We sure need it Things are going well, but we both have fears that will crush us if we don't figure out how to properly deal with them. He often asks me if I find him attractive and if this is whet I really want. I know he is scared that a part of me moved on and it can't be changed. I'm worried he will leave again because he did it before when I wasn't expecting it. I hate that he works with the coworker he went on the one 'harmless' date with after he left me a d says they're just friends now.

I know he's in love with me. He completely handed the power over to me again (that's how it was for most of our R) and that puts a lot of pressure on me. It's a large test for me. I can't let myself take advantage of him. He's always been such a pushover with me.

[rickb89]

Jenna...he is a young guy with a lot of growing up to do. You have to be firm but patient with him...all the while growing where u need to. This is what happens in sucessful and deep relationships...you grow together.

[Jenna333]

So true Neither of us will do this perfectly.

[Jenna333]

We had a rough day today. We both said it felt like the old relationship While talking about it we said we both feel like we're in self-preservation mode. We don't want to get hurt, so we're protecting ourselves. The problem with that is that what comes along with it is not being open, trusting, forgiving, sensitive to each other's needs. *Big sigh* This is very hard! We have our second counseling appointment Tuesday morning. I'm looking forward to it.

I'm feeling upset that he has not moved in yet. We've been dating for going on 4 weeks, and we were split up 8 weeks. I'm feeling this way about him not living here yet because he's often here. It's feeling to me like the cake-eating thing all over again, but in a different way, of course. He gets to come stay the night here whenever he wants, but doesn't *have* to stay here, and can go do whatever he wants, whenever he wants if he so chooses. SO NOT COOL! Not when we're together now and have kids together! He should not get to choose to be here and be a part of it or not while we're together, in my opinion. We did decide to take it slow, but I feel very ready to live together again. He says he will be moving in within the next week. I'm tired of feeling like we're living in limbo. He even had his address changed to my address. He said he's been planning on moving in, just was not sure when. Taking it slow is not very possible with us. We were just together for too long, and we see a lot of each other now. It feels like he just sleeps somewhere else about half the time. How is that helpful? I'm not seeing how it's helpful at all anymore.

[rickb89]

He will move in within a week so why not let that slide? The big piece you will both need to keep front and center will be to COMMUNICATE OPENLY AND HONESTLY and make sure you both look for solutions....not blame. Stay strong Jenna.


(((JENNA)))

[Jenna333]

Thanks Rick. I appreciate you continuing to check in on me

We both just worry so much that we won't be able to be our new and improved selves together. I got onto him this morning for not ever taking initiative in the mornings. I always have to be the one to get us all up and going. It seems such a small thing to get peeved about now, but I guess it's my resentment toward him showing. I've changed so much, and I keep looking for certain changes in him that aren't there. I feel like he feels I wasn't good enough to fight for then, but now I am? The quote, "If you don't want to be there for my struggle, don't expect to be there for my success" keeps pooping into my head. It's so hard (so hard!) trying to piece our new lives together.

I posted this in Pur's thread earlier, but I feel the need to say it here, too. When J left me, all I could think about was getting him back. Even when I started seeing that life without him wouldn't be the nightmare that I'd previously envisioned, I still found myself often hoping he'd give us another shot so that I could show him how different things could be. Well, now that we are together, I find myself feeling like I'm almost too good for him. That's terrible, isn't it? I spent so much time convincing myself that I deserved better after he left me that now I almost feel like I'm settling for him, simply because I told myself what I HAD TO in order to start moving on, and now...trying to mend things with him and now convince myself that I'm not settling, I'm just scared he'll leave again and I'm protecting myself...it's so much to deal with.

We had friends over the other night after my finals (that went very well!). My BFF and her new boyfriend came over to have wine with us and watch a movie. I had to hear from J the next day that he felt I was ignoring him and paying too much attention to my BFF. I just feel disheartened. I'm glad he communicated with me, but I know I wasn't ignoring him. I thought maybe he'd changed enough to not take these little things personally. Now he sees that he shouldn't have, but I'm worried I won't ever be able to let loose and have fun with him because he takes everything I do and don't do that he doesn't approve of the wrong way.

He's worried I don't really want us anymore and it's coloring his actions, as it is mine. I just hope we'll be able to make it through this.

[Jenna333]

He ended up calling me after getting off work last might and asking me if he could stay here tonight He went to a buddy's house to shoot pool and have some beers, and got here a few hours later. He was still a little buzzed. As he was changing, he smiled and told me he likes that he'll be living here with me.

In other news, our poor D has had a fever since Friday evening Not many other distinguishable symptoms. She coughs once in a while and had a headache the first night. The fever has not passed 103. It's at 102.4 right now I feel so bad for her. All she's doing is lying around, sleeping or trying to sleep. This is the first time since last summer that she's been sick like this.

That's one reason I was upset yesterday that J doesn't live here yet. He wasn't planning on staying here last night, and of course he knew that D is sick. I guess I just figured he'd want to be here to help with her.

[canadianMrs.]

Jenna, I don't have anything to add either. Like you, I find your posts so similar to my sitch. My H and I have been together since we were 16.