My W took hers off immediately. Long term goal is to get her to wear it again. There is nothing the LBS can do sour it. I old bing it up, but no good old come of it IMHO.
Thx LA for earlier comment. I am starting to work on fixing myself. I'm going twice a week to this counselor at 2 hours a pop. I believe in him and what he can do. He told me I have plenty of hope. Most people come to him much older then me.
I fear OM so much because I literally have anxiety so bad that I visualize the act of her being intimate with someone else. It tears me up inside and I do believe that would be the deal breaker for me right now because I'm not in a place where I could get over that.
I don't want to tear my family a part. I'm in tough place. Nobody understands that I understand that I need to change and fix things about myself. But my wife is depressed. So it makes it very difficult to divorce bust. I was reading that chapter last night in the book. Depression is a beast and when someone doesn't address its like telling alcoholic he needs AA.
I know its about letting go completely of her. I understand that. Everyday I tell myself that and I fail. I am trying very hard to let her go believe me.
I'm also starting to think my only happiness would be to dissolve this marriage. That I don't want to go back to her and the way she treats me. I'm trying so hard to be patient. I'm going to the counselor in 10 minutes. I will come back and post how it went. He really helped me last time.
He is interesting. He believes that your childhood memories get stored and you need to release them. He is very in tune with energy.
I'd be lying if I wasn't saying i'm struggling real bad. I try to focus on my kids. I try to focus on me but I get drawn into like a moth on a light bulb.
I did do better today. She was slamming stuff around the kitchen when I was over there. I stayed on course. Just helping get son ready for bus. By the last 2 minutes of my stay she talked to me a little. Not much.
LA wouldn't most men fear their W being intimate with another man?
I think what she's said to you is far more important than what she does with another man. Sex does not = love.
Quote:
She said I'm controlling and have trouble letting certain things go.
You wrote this in one of your first posts. I'd take this to heart and use it as your guide.
What are you having trouble letting go of.
Also, cat asked a question you didn't answer: Were you the other man when you and W got together?
Does that increase your fear at what might be going on?
I know this is hard, everyone here knows that. We've all felt the pain you're feeling. We either dig to find the root of that pain or we stay stuck where we are.
Hope your session went well.
Me 57/H 58 M36 S 2.5yrs R 12/13
Let me give up the need to know why things happen as they do. I will never know and constant wondering is constant suffering. Caroline Myss
Is it common for the LBS to start to have feeling of not wanting the WAS back. After starting to work on myself and finding myself I'm starting to have feelings that I don't want this person back in my life. Not sure if it is all the rejection and the venom that has been thrown my way. I'm actually starting to feel this way and I don't like it.
Yes^^ it is common. But also be aware of how often your emotions change as well as the dynamic of your sitch. Do your best to not make any rash emotional decisions.
I continue to feel I may not want to R w/ the current person my W is but I'm also aware enough that she is confused, hurt, etc.. and I am giving her the benefit of the doubt and the space to figure out what she needs to.
It took a long time to get where we are in our situations, it's not going to be resolved quickly. Give it time.
As I was driving home from work tonight I was thinking about my life as it is now. I'm coming to believe I was given this sitch so that I could find a better way and become a person who has genuine relationships and can be truly happy.
But it's up to me to do the work, to stop being a victim and look at myself and what I can change. I can't continue to blame others for my life, it's up to me and always has been. Now I choose to accept that.
Yes I was the OM. Yes it adds fear. I have trouble letting go of everything. That is what my counseling is helping me with and he is amazing. I'm now seeing him twice a week 4 hours a week. I feel 100 x's better after seeing him and he thinks with time the feeling will carry to days and then weeks instead of DAY.
I am working on my control issues right now. This guy is helping me release childhood memories and re-program myself. I really enjoy seeing him and I am so excited to have found him. I'm taking a 5 hour class with him on Saturday.
Small interaction with W today via txt. Suppose to pick up daughter at 2:30. She txt me saying she will not make it on time for 2:30. The 180 I did was told it no problem take her time.
Sad note. Son asking me when I'm moving back home. He told me mom keeps saying I don't know.
This counselor who use EFT tapping technique with pressure points really has helped me release tension. I actually feel tired after seeing him. I am going to keep working with him. He is helping me release my W. Let her go completely. We worked for over 1 hour today just on my ring anxiety and OM anxiety.
I have the kids this weekend. So very excited.
I bought all new clothes for the family party today. So at least I will look good
