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#2225385 - 02/27/12 04:56 PM What's happens when u lose interest in WAS??
2chiquitos Offline
Member

Registered: 10/02/11
Posts: 1122
Loc: Los Angeles, CA
We spent a great weekend as a family. He initiated all the outings and we did great. Got along great, etc etc. Problem is I'm not interested in him. Weird, I know.

Yesterday on our way to the mall he told me how he wants to get more tattoos. Aside from the eagle on his back that the wingspan goes from one shoulder to the other, he wants our kids baby portraits on each shoulder. AND he was considering getting one on his chest. TALK ABOUT ACTING LIKE A TEENAGER DURING THIS TIME!!

In the 5 yrs we were together he NEVER mentioned a tattoo!?!?!?

After that I noticed other things he did that bothered me. I feel like a prude but I'm not attracted to this side of him. How do I look past it when this is all I see? Maybe it's a good thing? I will focus less on him n mr on me...
_________________________
M 38 H 35
T7 (-2yrs separation)
S5 D2
DD 7/30/11 (EA&PA)
Reconciling

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#2225389 - 02/27/12 05:23 PM Re: What's happens when u lose interest in WAS?? [Re: 2chiquitos]
Broken74 Offline
Member

Registered: 01/19/12
Posts: 288
Great topic! Hmmm, this springs a few words to mind for me... Let's see

Release for time served
Elation
Joy
Freedom
Happiness
Peace
New beginnings

Caveat being I am not having the best day today... lol
_________________________
me 38
W 30
T 3
M in 05/2010
Separated 08/2011
Stephchildren (all hers) SS17, SS12, SD8
I filed 8/27, she countered I filed response 9/5
Anxiously waiting on the judge!

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#2225394 - 02/27/12 05:33 PM Re: What's happens when u lose interest in WAS?? [Re: Broken74]
FiatLux Offline
Member

Registered: 11/11/04
Posts: 3100
Loc: USA
Maybe it's just detachment?

The real H is still there somewhere and if he does his work, he'll return to that person. At that point, you'll be able to remember why you fell in love with him, and all the history that u share...
_________________________
God heals the broken-hearted (Psalm 147:3)

Me: 44
W: 40
Separated 8/2011

S12
SD14
SS12
SD10

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#2225441 - 02/27/12 07:28 PM Re: What's happens when u lose interest in WAS?? [Re: FiatLux]
2chiquitos Offline
Member

Registered: 10/02/11
Posts: 1122
Loc: Los Angeles, CA
Broken74- maybe this is my transition to serenity??

FiatLux- could I really be detaching? That's a good thing, right?
_________________________
M 38 H 35
T7 (-2yrs separation)
S5 D2
DD 7/30/11 (EA&PA)
Reconciling

Top
#2225963 - 02/29/12 01:09 PM Re: What's happens when u lose interest in WAS?? [Re: 2chiquitos]
2chiquitos Offline
Member

Registered: 10/02/11
Posts: 1122
Loc: Los Angeles, CA
He brought up today that he wants to take S3 to downtown Disney. I said, he will love that. You guys will have a good time. Then he said, well if your not busy you can join us. I really don't remember what I said but inside I thought, oh another invitation, nice.

Funny thing is, I don't think I want to go...
I'd rather go to brunch w my friends...

I mean, I don't have anything planned but I'd rather do a GAL activity than go w him n the kids. What's going on w me???
_________________________
M 38 H 35
T7 (-2yrs separation)
S5 D2
DD 7/30/11 (EA&PA)
Reconciling

Top
#2225977 - 02/29/12 02:24 PM Re: What's happens when u lose interest in WAS?? [Re: 2chiquitos]
sayitaintso Offline
Member

Registered: 11/04/11
Posts: 951
V- I went through a phase where I lost interest and couldn't imagine getting back together w/ my WAW. I think it is a pretty normal stage for the LBS.

This helped me detach which is good but I think you need to just take it in stride and be patient. I still have doubts and concerns but our sitch's are far from stagnant and the dynamics continue to change so I am giving myself time to see how we progress and where we potentially will end up.

Best!!
_________________________
Me- 34 W-33
S15 S10 S6
Married- 11 Together- 18
Bomb- 6-2011
WAW moves out- 8-2011

"Nothing in the Universe can stop you from letting go and starting over at anytime"- Guy Finley

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#2226231 - 03/01/12 01:39 AM Re: What's happens when u lose interest in WAS?? [Re: sayitaintso]
2chiquitos Offline
Member

Registered: 10/02/11
Posts: 1122
Loc: Los Angeles, CA
Sayit- thank you for that! I was worried I have been such a good DB'er that I went overboard!

Also, I'm remembering a bunch of dumb things he's said. I don't want to post or else it'll upset me more.

I read the detachment article in the livestrong website. It's very detailed and has helped me understand something that is seemed so abstract to me.
_________________________
M 38 H 35
T7 (-2yrs separation)
S5 D2
DD 7/30/11 (EA&PA)
Reconciling

Top
#2226626 - 03/02/12 05:16 AM Re: What's happens when u lose interest in WAS?? [Re: 2chiquitos]
2chiquitos Offline
Member

Registered: 10/02/11
Posts: 1122
Loc: Los Angeles, CA
He came over after the gym tonite. He hasn't done that for a while for xyz reasons. Nevertheless he came. He helped get S3 ready for bed. He even hung out for a bit after. He usually doesn't do this.

I went about my business. Cleaned the kitchen. When it was time for him to leave my son yelled at him from the front door-daddy! I forgot to give you a hug and a kiss!! H gets off the car n came back. Then S3 said, I'm going to watch daddy leave from the window.

5 min later he calls, "please don't have S3 watch me leave. It's hard enough" (wowowowowow!!). I laughed n said it wasn't my idea.

Omg! Tin man has a heart!!
_________________________
M 38 H 35
T7 (-2yrs separation)
S5 D2
DD 7/30/11 (EA&PA)
Reconciling

Top
#2226985 - 03/03/12 01:58 AM Re: What's happens when u lose interest in WAS?? [Re: 2chiquitos]
2chiquitos Offline
Member

Registered: 10/02/11
Posts: 1122
Loc: Los Angeles, CA
This is so hard. He came over to pick up the kids. He actually moved the dental appt he had for today so that I could go to happy hour. Turns out, my friend will be here too late for us to get to happy hour before he gets here with the kids. He needs to bring D7mos back before she needs to nurse. This got me emotional because he can go out whenever he wants and here I am, his free babysitter!

He reminded me about how we will now work out the bills. This is the first month we go back to separate accounts and separate bills. Oh my god, this hurts all over again!

Then he suggests I use a week of the timeshare because it's already paid for. I don't want to go on vacation with our kids without him! I'm not ready for that!

Ok, I need to detach! He is no longer my family. My family consists of myself and my kids. I will soon be able to go to happy hour, dinners, movies, etc once my daughter is a little older. This is not a crisis, but a problem. Problems can be solved. ok, I'm not convinced....
_________________________
M 38 H 35
T7 (-2yrs separation)
S5 D2
DD 7/30/11 (EA&PA)
Reconciling

Top
#2227143 - 03/03/12 06:22 PM Re: What's happens when u lose interest in WAS?? [Re: 2chiquitos]
2chiquitos Offline
Member

Registered: 10/02/11
Posts: 1122
Loc: Los Angeles, CA
He came over again this morning. It's now a new routine. He fed S3 breakfast and watched D n S while I showered. He said he'd come to pick up S3 to take him to the movies.

This was great, right? Well I think I'm premenstrual cuz all I saw was negative stuff. He got to here late this morning and wanted to rush off to the gym cuz his guy friend was waiting for him. (I immediately think OW is waiting for him or he spent the night w her which is why he got here late)

As I write this I'm telling myself- DETACH!!!! Sever those emotional ties and DETACH!!! But when I'm PMSing it's hard!!!

Also last nite he had invited me to go to the movies w him n S n now he acts like I wasn't invited. So I need to remember NO EXPECTATIONS!!!!

Wait a second!! Wasn't I just saying a few days ago that I'd rather do GAL activities than go out w him??? Am I bipolar or something??? (that's a rhetorical ques). but seriously what is with me?? I should wear a flip flop on my head! Ugh!

Ok this journaling helped...
_________________________
M 38 H 35
T7 (-2yrs separation)
S5 D2
DD 7/30/11 (EA&PA)
Reconciling

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