Everwhere is walking distance if you have the time

[whatisis]

That's why in the summers we go to Chicago and Florida and this year Winnipeg. I try to give them some big city excitement.

Winnipeg is big city excitement lol? Portage and Main rocks! When I was kid we almost moved there...Winnipeg, not Portage and Main.

[SunFunOne]

Yeah - Chicago and Florida are great learning experiences. But WinterPeg??? Ha! I remember going there in the 70s. So excited that we got to see the Guess Who (who hail from Winnipeg). Other than snow - not much of a big city feel there.

Barb

[SunFunOne]

I think your decision to go to the birthday party is right. not because it is what your ex wants but because it would make your D happy.

And I really don't consider it "cheating" if your ex started dating after you were separated but had not filed yet for divorce. She had declared the marriage over. Many of us (myself included) had to figure out that our spouses started cheating long before they left then they left us for that person. That's a little different. telling us all is good but living a different life.

You are not over your ex. It takes a long, long time. And it hurts like hell. I have been there and I totally get that. Just keep working on yourself. Plan your life without ex in it. As much as you wanted her - she wants something else. Hurt Hurt Hurt.

Consider yourself one of the lucky ones who can still converse with ex. Can still be invited to a family event with her and your children. Many of us have to deal with our ex living with the person they ran off with and in my situation - we NEVER would get together with them and share an occasion with our children. Our children NEVER go there either.

So please accept what it is at this time. Work on not thinking about what is going on in her world, but what is going on in yours. I recovered much better when I remembered that God only gave me one life and I wanted to fill it with the things I wanted to do the most. And I did and I continue to make those plans. When I found myself thinking about ex - I used the Stop Sign technique and redirected my thoughts. I stopped fighting with him. If I had to deal with him - I smiled and nodded and stuck to the situation at hand (usually our very ill son).

C2H: things are going to get better. you will not regret going to D's party. I rarely regret the things I do - I often regret the things I didn't do.

Barb

[ClingingToHope]

It's been a very strange weekend.

I got in touch with the ex-wife of a co-worker who also dated a friend of mine for four or five months. On Facebook, I asked how she was doing since I hadn't seen her she broke up with my friend.

She invited me to be a part of her trivia team for a fundraiser. So I went to that on Friday and our team won. I contributed about 12 answers.

After we went with some of her friends to celebrate. She's the executive director of the symphony here and her friends are highly intelligent and I had a great, great time.

Saturday, I got some fitness equipment and put that together and am pretty excited about how I'm feeling. Summer is coming up.

Then the birthday party. XW did a great job with it. 25 kids showed up and D13 just had a blast.

My job was to provide the pizza and take pictures.

XW's two friends didn't show -- which is typical, they've always been the kind of friends that reach out when they need help but aren't really around when you need them.

Also, XW's boyfriend didn't come. I didn't think he would, but I did have a bit of a panic attack when I wondered if he would.

That is a day I'm not looking forward to.

Anyway, it was just me, XW and her mom. And it felt very, very weird. These always do. I sit and think, this is what a family should do, be together, share these moments. But when it's over she goes her way and I go mine and ...

I was a little sad sitting upstairs watching the party. But then I thought "what would Jesus do in this situation?"

He'd be grateful he was asked. He would help when asked. And he would be thankful that D13 is turning out so well.

I felt better.

Still, I had to get a drink after. So I met a friend, who also is divorced, and we went out and I had one of the longer nights I've had in a long time.

I paid for it this morning. I'd already volunteered to play basketball because a couple of guys from a team were out of town.

So I skipped church -- splitting headache -- and dragged myself to the gym.

We won. I did OK and I actually felt better after.

Then I took a shower and went to a co-worker's fundraiser. His infant son had been in and out of the hospital several times with a rare condition. I contributed $20 to the cause.

Now I'm waiting for friends to meet me to go a hockey game.

I'd gotten tickets for this game back in January and the original plan was to take DHU-41, her son and her nephew. This was to be my official "meeting of the family."

Instead, I'm going with a few friends.

Life is just a roller coaster, really all the time.

[SunFunOne]

C2H: You are the Poster Boy for "Get a Life" this w/e. Kudos to you!!!! I'm especially glad you were there for your D13's birthday party. It only happens once. And she will remember!

Barb

[ClingingToHope]

Not much to talk about this week. D13 has her play this weekend. So there's lots of schedule stuff with XW.

Still a strange lack of energy at work. I'm focusing on so much OTHER than work.

The big thing right now is the bankruptcy. I thought I might be able to avoid it. But it appears as if the accident settlement won't be near enough.

So I met with the bankruptcy attorney Wednesday. We're filing in two weeks. In mid-April, I'm likely to meet with the trustee. At that point, my attorney told me, I can start putting money in the girls college accounts, saving for a house, things I had to avoid while I waited on whether to do the bankruptcy.

Mentally, I'm good with it. I spent all of 2010 trying to chip away at the credit card debt from the marriage. I did the math, if I lived as cheaply as possible it would take seven to eight years to eliminate the debt.

My girls would be college age by then and I'd have put no more to their education.

[ClingingToHope]

I was not happy with myself this weekend. D13 had her plays Friday and Saturday and I was carting her around and doing well when she told me XW was going to be out late with her friend from a small town 30 minutes from here.

That also is the small town the BF lives in and it just put me in a funk.

Finally, Sunday, after church, I asked her not to tell me things about XW's personal life anymore.

"It doesn't help me." I told her. "In fact, it hurts me. I don't want to know."

My poker face is bad and she can tell I don't want to be around XW right now.

Getting back to work helped. The girls and I plotted out a great trip for Spring Break 2013 -- I like to plan ahead and save. We're going to leave the minute school is out on Friday and drive to Disney World. It's 19 hours from my place so we'll have to stop and stay the night somewhere.

We'll spend two days at Disney World and one day at Universal Studios -- to see Harry Potter World. Then we'll head farther south to Fort Myers to see my best friend. We'll stay two days, with one spent traveling to Key West.

Then I'll put the girls on a flight home. Two monster car rides would be too much. Their mom can meet them at the airport. And I'll drive back, making stops to see friends along the way.

We've been to Disney World before. It was the last big family trip and I knew it likely was the last big trip we took together. I was right. Seven months later I was out of the house. I can't wait to update that memory with this one.

That helped.

For the most part I'm doing good. I struggle when XW takes up too much space in my head. Before it was because I snooped. Now, it's because D13 is acting as a go between.

There's lots to focus on. Saving for this summer. Staying on the fitness plan. Staying busy on weekends.

There's lots to worry about too, but I'm trying to let those worries go.

Good messages from church. "Your path determines your destination." As long as I keep heading the direction I feel like I'm going I will accomplish much.

"Peace. Be still," was this week's message. It was a great message, but my brain was a jumbled mess.

I've been truly blessed in my life.

* I was born healthy to two parents who loved me.

* I did a lot of dumb things early in life that I escaped from unharmed.

* I've had relationships with several beautiful, intelligent women.

* I was blessed to marry someone who I never thought would even go out with me.

* I have two healthy, beautiful daughters who so far are heading in the right direction.

* I have a career where I make friends and have some influence.

* I've climbed from living in a guest room with two baskets of clothes to renting my own house near friends with a good financial direction.

If I get outside of my own mind and look at my life objectively, an awful lot is going well for me. It's just hard when the one person you thought would be there for you forever walks away.

[SunFunOne]

Hey C2,

I sure hear you about being told about ex's antics. At least in the early years (now I don't care). I finally told the kids not to tell me. That time away from it actually did bring me peace.

Well - you can't go wrong with Disney World. I took the kids there every year and often stayed a month or so. If you need any ideas - I'm the girl! My daughter just went to Harry Potter last week and loved it!

So am I your best friend???? I am now in Fort Myers as a snowbird. I LOVE FLorida and just can't get enough. Back to Disney tommorrow for a couple of days then have friends coming from Key West, Rhode Island and New Brunswick for the w/e.

Anyway - making plans. Moving fwd. It is getting better.

Barb

[faithisbelieving]

HI Clinging. I think, you need to work on your poker face. I have the same issue. Although, I don't think of my XW on a daily basis and I am NOT jealous of her new dude, it is INCREDIBLY uncomfortable when she brings him to my son's baseball games.

Hey...I grab my glove, get out behind the plate, and warm him up, or, get back in the dugout and keep coaching with the manager.

I think, even in the best of worlds, you adapt,but, as I said in a recent post, some areas may never adjust. So, you find a way to make it work. Perhaps, next time, a "that's wonderful", or, an "I'm glad your mom's happy now", is better than an "I don't want to hear about it anymore".

Just a thought.

Something to think about over your next hot cup of joe. As my other buddy here told me...something HIS dad told him that HE tells his son now, and, I TELL MY SON NOW: "Tough times don't last. Tough men do".

Always recall my friends here. FIB

[antlers]

Perhaps, next time, a "that's wonderful", or, an "I'm glad your mom's happy now", is better than an "I don't want to hear about it anymore".

I had lunch with my youngest daughter the last couple of days. On the first day she told me several times just how happy her mom is with 'Steve'. I told her that "I wish your mom health, happiness, and love". I can't describe how it felt to say that, and mean it, to our daughter. All I can say is that it felt good. Still does. And it helps me 'let go' of those things that are unhealthy for me to hang on to.

I also sent the following to my ex..........

"Ex, I'm happy that you found love again. After all, you are someone who has meant a lot in my life, and you're the mother of my children. I want happiness and love for you.
antlers"

I felt, and still do, the same thing that I described above.