I am so happy that things are moving in a positive direction.
I know its hard but you should really try not to talk about the R. You can vent here and with friends but your H doesnt really understand his own meltdown. Any question you have will just be taken as pressure.
You are blessed that things are headed the right way, take it slow and continue to work on you.
---- M 39 H 35 D5,D4 M 4 T 9 ILYBNILWY 5/18/11 Left 7/11/11 Divorced 12/1/13
Good for you NHMom, I also saw that when I started to want W less she would want me more. You may also want to check out "The Passion Trap" and "The Solo Partner", they talk about this pursuer/distancer dance.
The book suggests that when you pursue H, he will distance. When you stop pursuing, he'll get uncomfortable and pursue you just enough to hook you back in, and then he'll distance again. You can get "stuck" there unless you break that cycle.
I'm so glad to hear things are going better for you, you've shown incredible patience and discipline, it's truly commendable!
I hope things are getting easier overall and you're finding more happiness.
Accuray
Married 18, Together 20, Now Divorced M: 48, W: 50, D: 18, S: 16, D: 12 Bomb Dropped (EA, D): 7/13/11 Start Reconcile: 8/15/11 Bomb Dropped (EA, D): 5/1/2014 (Divorced) In a New Relationship: 3/2015
I'm at a point where I think that no matter what happens, whether things work out between H and I or not, that I'll be ok. I feel more confident and at peace.
^^^^^^^This is great NHMOM!! You will be better than ok because you are a great person!
Thanks everyone. I do think we're making steps in the right direction, especially thinking back how things were a couple of months ago. I feel like I've given him a few get out of jail free cards during my frustrated moments, but he hasn't taken them. So whatever he's thinking, I hope it's positive.
Rick, I don't know if he'll go to Retrouvaille. I had asked him about it after my big blow up at him in February, I think. At the time, he said that he wasn't sure if he could commit due to his work schedule and possible travel on weekends. I haven't brought it up since then. I do think we will need third party help to really make any progress, whether it's MC or Retrouvaille, or something similar.
We still have issues to work out...like our different parenting styles, which seems to be a sore spot, and I know it will not go away, so we'll need to find out ways to make it work.
We also have communication issues. I will work on my communication skills, and I need to be careful to not give up. I tend to react to how my communication is received. If I see it failing, I'm tempted to stop and throw in the towel. So I need to prepare myself to negative reactions and just let them bounce off of me.
A lot of work and an uncertain future lay ahead. I'm still taking it one day at a time.
nh- this is great! so much progress in a month! I pray that he comes to his senses soon and he seems to be well underway!
I also went hiatus for a month and it was refreshing to come back and read my old posts. It puts things in perspective. We don't see the baby steps until we look at our sitch objectively.
Keep DBing!
M 42 H 39 T10 (-2yrs separation) S8 D5 DD 7/30/11 (EA&PA) Reconciled 6/2013 Separation in works 1/2017
We also have communication issues. I will work on my communication skills, and I need to be careful to not give up. I tend to react to how my communication is received. If I see it failing, I'm tempted to stop and throw in the towel. So I need to prepare myself to negative reactions and just let them bounce off of me.
NH - Thaks for being so honest and posting this. I can see myself in these statements. I think this is how I'm feeling now. So I need to work on this, too.
