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#2226236 - 02/29/12 09:07 PM Re: If you like Pina Coladas.... [Re: purgatory]
labug Offline
Member

Registered: 11/24/11
Posts: 7812
Loc: Sonoran Desert
How about you say: Yes, but I was on hold for so long, I just now hung up. Why don't you try?

He feels pretty entitled, huh?
_________________________
Me 56/H 57
M 35 S 24 S 21
Bomb 3/11 He moved out 3/11
Piecing 9/13 12/13 He's home now

The enemy is fear. We think it is hate but, it is fear. Gandhi


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#2226237 - 02/29/12 09:09 PM Re: If you like Pina Coladas.... [Re: purgatory]
Grmpy_Mnky Offline
Member

Registered: 12/17/11
Posts: 524
Loc: MS
Geesh poor guy. Why are you so mean Purg? Lol..
_________________________
Me: 44
Bomb: 11/27/11
Divorced:6/12
Life goes on: 6/13


Dogs still like bacon...a lot.

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#2226238 - 02/29/12 09:15 PM Re: If you like Pina Coladas.... [Re: Grmpy_Mnky]
RoRoinMD Offline
Member

Registered: 01/17/12
Posts: 871
Purg, been there done that. I think you did good by just walking away.

Although you do know that if YOU don't call, you probably won't have internet ever again, right? LOL
_________________________
Me:34
H:38
SS:19 - lives in NC with his mom
M:3
Bomb #1: 1/3/12 - We're not compatible. I want out.
Bomb #2: 1/12/12 - Found out about EA/PA
H moves out 10/2/12

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#2226243 - 02/29/12 09:43 PM Re: If you like Pina Coladas.... [Re: RoRoinMD]
barely floating Offline
Member

Registered: 12/13/11
Posts: 750
Glad you took your g-ma's advice!

Do you think the WAS starts nit picking at the little things when their original justifications for leaving are no longer valid? Sort of.. Grasping for straws?

Boo hoo. Kids don't have a full time dad and H complaining about Internet. I am totally out of empathy today. wink
_________________________
Me:38.. H:33.
Two beautiful kids S:6 D:3
M:8.. together for 11.
Bomb dropped:10/17/11
Separated:11/07/11

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#2226247 - 02/29/12 10:00 PM Re: If you like Pina Coladas.... [Re: RoRoinMD]
purgatory Offline
Member

Registered: 12/12/11
Posts: 825
Loc: Virginia
Bug- THAT is what I should have said!! Too bad you weren't talking to the transmitter hidden in my ear

Mnky- I know, I can be a real b!tch sometimes... No wonder he left. Lol

RoRo- you're right, if I ever want Internet agin, I'll have to be the one to call. He tends to be SUPER stubborn and will never call just to prove a point!!

I was thinking about this a little more to see if there was something I could learn from his reaction.... I started remembering a few times during our M when he expressed disappointment b/c I didn't make his priority *my* priority. Now this cable issue is small compared to some of our past issues- but the concept applies to all of them.

It used to be that H would ask me to research/call/go/do something that would help him (usually military related paperwork.) although he never would give me an 'order' or an exact timeframe in which to complete this task, I quickly learned that he expected me to drop all of my plans, and complete this request ASAP. It was especially bad on deployments. Sometimes I would do it right away (if *I* could see the importance in it- that's the difinitive difference!) most of the time, I would put it in line behind my priorities. Which one is right? Respectful?

Tonight, I obviously showed him again that I didn't see the same importance in this call as he did (I really hope it wasnt another tally mark in the 'why I should leave' chart.) I seem to be putting a lot of thougt into a silly issue- but maybe *H* didn't think it was silly- maybe he had an important email that he needed to check or research for work- but instead of telling me WHY it's important to solve this quickly, I get fussed at. I have no problem doing something that is openly requested of me (honey, could you please call soon b/c I've got some important work to do) instead of being unknowingly expected and then punished for not meeting them.

In any case, I still don't understand why he couldn't call... Cause he's a big baby and can't be bothered to deal with such trivial things!
_________________________
M-31, H-31
T-9, M-7
S-6, s-20mth
sep 8/1/11
ILYNILWY 11/29/11
Creating separation papers.
Discover H has feelings for BFF, she does too 1/11/12
H moves out 1.20.12

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#2226251 - 02/29/12 10:08 PM Re: If you like Pina Coladas.... [Re: purgatory]
barely floating Offline
Member

Registered: 12/13/11
Posts: 750
Purg.. Try not to mind read. If it really was that important, H could have called or found another place to email from.

H is the one that chose to leave. Not you. It isn't fair to expect you to take care of the every day dealings because that is one of the priviledges of being married and having a partner. I have to remind myself of this all the time.. Especially when I think about whether he's eating.. Or sleeping enough.. But it was H who chose to leave.. Not me.

Still doesn't make it fun!
_________________________
Me:38.. H:33.
Two beautiful kids S:6 D:3
M:8.. together for 11.
Bomb dropped:10/17/11
Separated:11/07/11

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#2226257 - 02/29/12 10:24 PM Re: If you like Pina Coladas.... [Re: barely floating]
purgatory Offline
Member

Registered: 12/12/11
Posts: 825
Loc: Virginia
BF- you're absolutely right! Thanks for clearing that up for me smile

I also worry if he's eating/ sleeping enough- especially when I see the luggage under his eyes... Kinda makes me sad and worry about him.

I said *kinda*, trying not to waste time worrying about his demons!
_________________________
M-31, H-31
T-9, M-7
S-6, s-20mth
sep 8/1/11
ILYNILWY 11/29/11
Creating separation papers.
Discover H has feelings for BFF, she does too 1/11/12
H moves out 1.20.12

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#2226262 - 02/29/12 10:32 PM Re: If you like Pina Coladas.... [Re: barely floating]
rickb89 Offline
Member

Registered: 10/04/11
Posts: 1119
Sometimes, or actually all the time we get caught in the DB catch 22, if we try to be supportive and helpful we give them a cake eating life and get no credit as a loving partner, and if we detach they treat us as someone who should be left behind.

Have you ever explained to him what u explained here, that he should communicate these things with more detail. You know help you to help him?

I'm really in a PO'd mood tonight. I was thinking about inventing a new version of GTA, where you ride around Century City hunting WAS's.

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#2226264 - 02/29/12 10:39 PM Re: If you like Pina Coladas.... [Re: purgatory]
BklynMom Offline
Member

Registered: 09/29/11
Posts: 1600
I have a different point of view, dont know if its valid. I think you should call the cable company for him because it seems like that would make him feel loved. Yes it is juvenile that he cant pick up the phone himself but we are not talking about who is right and wrong here, not talking about who is acting like a grown up & who is acting like a kid. I think it will bring him closer if you call. I say do it now if you havent already.

I always ask myself the question will it bring him closer or push him further away?

After they come back we can work out the details of being a "good" husband or partner.
_________________________
----
M 37
H 34
D3,D2
M 4
T 9
ILYBNILWY 5/18/11
Left 7/11/11
Served 5/2/12


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#2226266 - 02/29/12 10:48 PM Re: If you like Pina Coladas.... [Re: BklynMom]
rickb89 Offline
Member

Registered: 10/04/11
Posts: 1119
Yeah Brklym may have a more sensible approach here. You can usually count on one of us on any given night with enough DB mojo to keep the rest of us in line.

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