A Divorce Busting® Coach can help you save your marriage, even when your spouse wants out. Go to the new Divorce Busting® Store where you can sign up for Divorce Busting® Coaching and purchase Michele's Audios, Videos and eBooks that you can immediately download. Start taking the steps that will help you get your marriage back on track right away.
Page 31 of 32 < 1 2 ... 29 30 31 32 >
Topic Options
#2236479 - 04/09/12 12:31 PM Re: DB'ing is sooooo hard (part 5) [Re: nhmom]
nhmom Offline
Member

Registered: 12/20/11
Posts: 345
more ((hugs)) ----@@----

smile
_________________________
Me:32 H:34 T:14.5 M:9.5 S:5 BD: 11/25/11



Top
#2236480 - 04/09/12 12:38 PM Re: DB'ing is sooooo hard (part 5) [Re: rickb89]
cat04 Offline
Member

Registered: 05/31/09
Posts: 2234
Originally Posted By: rickb89
If you follow the DB principles all the way through and you learn so much about yourself, get your life back, become a better person, keep it together for your kids, create a new and great life, yet your spouse never recovers and your M ends; was DB'ing a success, or an epic failure?


What do you think?
_________________________

"Acceptance doesn't mean resignation. It means understanding that something is what it is and there's got to be a way through it."--Michael J. Fox

Top
#2236483 - 04/09/12 12:53 PM Re: DB'ing is sooooo hard (part 5) [Re: cat04]
ces67 Offline
Member

Registered: 12/23/11
Posts: 1024
Hey Rick, has to be hard to see your W in such a self-destruct mode for so long. The fact that she acknowledged the challenge in herself is good. No telling how long it will stay in this mode before trying to do something about it (if ever). But at least that she acknowledged it could be a positive step for her even if it is a very small one.

Hope your week goes well.
_________________________
Me:45, W:44
S:15, D:12
M:22, T:25
Bomb: July 2010
2 attempts at MC-stopped 09/13
Continue to live in same home-separate rooms

Top
#2236498 - 04/09/12 02:00 PM Re: DB'ing is sooooo hard (part 5) [Re: barely floating]
rickb89 Offline
Member

Registered: 10/04/11
Posts: 1119
Originally Posted By: barely floating
La... Easter monkey???


Yes, he's a rival to the bunny.

Top
#2236500 - 04/09/12 02:03 PM Re: DB'ing is sooooo hard (part 5) [Re: rickb89]
2thepoint Offline
Member

Registered: 09/30/11
Posts: 1692
Hey Rick! Hope today is going to be good for you!
_________________________
Me48 W50 S15 S11
M20 T23
Bomb-9/11; A-11/11; I move out 11/11

It's easy to find our bottom, it is our top that requires cultivation.

Every rough spot adds to our emotional constitution. -Barney Fife

Top
#2236503 - 04/09/12 02:07 PM Re: DB'ing is sooooo hard (part 5) [Re: nhmom]
sayitaintso Offline
Member

Registered: 11/04/11
Posts: 951
Originally Posted By: nhmom
I hope many people on the board can learn a thing or two from you.

You are so right that the best thing you can get out of of DB'ing is taking control of your own life, because that really is the only thing that we can control.

(((Rick))) You're a true inspiration...we'll be right here with you as you continue on your journey.


Rick- I think I have learned more from you and your thoughts than anyone else on the boards and I just want to say thank you again!

Agree wholeheartedly Nhmom. This is the most in control of my life that I've ever been.

And I too will be right here with you Rick, supporting you during the tough times and celebrating all the good the universe has coming towards you!
_________________________
Me- 34 W-33
S15 S10 S6
Married- 11 Together- 18
Bomb- 6-2011
WAW moves out- 8-2011

"Nothing in the Universe can stop you from letting go and starting over at anytime"- Guy Finley

Top
#2236507 - 04/09/12 02:23 PM Re: DB'ing is sooooo hard (part 5) [Re: jks]
rickb89 Offline
Member

Registered: 10/04/11
Posts: 1119
Originally Posted By: jks
Originally Posted By: rickb89
She said she is faking every single human interaction she has.

I have never seen a more tortured soul.


Wow, that is quite amazing that she has come to this conclusion. What a sad life to lead. Is your wife spiritual? Does she ever look for ways to serve others? I have not read your whole sitch so I may be way off in what I'm suggesting but maybe she is needing to find a meaningful way to connect with others?? A great way to do this is to find ways to help or serve others. It forces you to forget yourself and your problems and to focus on what you can do to make someone else feel better. This may not be something that you can tell her to do but you could possibly encourage a situation that would lead her to do this. IDK. Sometimes our best life lessons are learned when we look outside ourselves.


Thank JKS...she has always been a deeply spiritual person, very driven by the heart and soul almost to the exclusion of some of the day to day stuff people live with. That she is like this only makes this crisis of hers harder. She's one of those people who feels everything exquisitely, so in this sitch her pain is magnified to extreme levels. Hence, her desire to disappear. She's in constant pain and guilt. And then her fear causes her to close up instead of reach out. She is veyr afraid of any spiritual suggestions that have any taste of organized religion, however I can see her searching in her way through the books I see her reading. She is extremely opposed to any sort of self help scenarion. Again, her fears drive her away from anything where she, in her sitch, feels she is being told what to do. Thats just how she sees things right now. So things like 5 LL, Retrouville, MC is completely poisonous to her. She has been with a psychiatrist for a year now so she's not doing this all alone.

As for her being able to give to others. In fact, her history is of giving and that is also a reason she's done such a 180. Her being a stay at home Mom for years and then her career in the alzheimer's world has all been about giving. So her dilemma has been that she gave and gave on the surface but never knew what she was herself. She's basically trying to unwire a lifetime of mental conflict, and then seeing if she can rewire herself back up somehow.

Thanks for reaching out!

Top
#2236508 - 04/09/12 02:26 PM Re: DB'ing is sooooo hard (part 5) [Re: nhmom]
rickb89 Offline
Member

Registered: 10/04/11
Posts: 1119
Originally Posted By: nhmom
Rick -

Glad you had a good Easter! You are so blessed to have your kids and they are blessed to have a great dad!

Your attitude towards life is so inspiring. I hope many people on the board can learn a thing or two from you.

You are so right that the best thing you can get out of of DB'ing is taking control of your own life, because that really is the only thing that we can control.

(((Rick))) You're a true inspiration...we'll be right here with you as you continue on your journey.


Thanks NH spy! ((()))

Top
#2236509 - 04/09/12 02:27 PM Re: DB'ing is sooooo hard (part 5) [Re: cat04]
rickb89 Offline
Member

Registered: 10/04/11
Posts: 1119
Originally Posted By: cat04
Originally Posted By: rickb89
If you follow the DB principles all the way through and you learn so much about yourself, get your life back, become a better person, keep it together for your kids, create a new and great life, yet your spouse never recovers and your M ends; was DB'ing a success, or an epic failure?


What do you think?

Cat...at this point I consider it a DB success. Early on in this I would have considered it a total failure!




Top
#2236511 - 04/09/12 02:42 PM Re: DB'ing is sooooo hard (part 5) [Re: ces67]
rickb89 Offline
Member

Registered: 10/04/11
Posts: 1119
Originally Posted By: ces67
Hey Rick, has to be hard to see your W in such a self-destruct mode for so long. The fact that she acknowledged the challenge in herself is good. No telling how long it will stay in this mode before trying to do something about it (if ever). But at least that she acknowledged it could be a positive step for her even if it is a very small one.

Hope your week goes well.


Thanks CES! I told her yesterday when we spoke that I can understand the words she is saying intellectually, however I can't even begin to know how she actually feels. I get what she is describing and it is territory that I am not living like her. The best i could do was to relate to her similar sitches that were traumatizing that we both experienced but for the fact that we are different people we chose to handle it all very differently. And she's too intimitated by me and other options to simply let go and try outside suggestions. At this point anyway, she's cracking under the stress of her fears keeping her bound tightly, and her knowledge that all the demons are bursting out of her.

Last night all of us, the boys and gf's went to S24 to watch GOT. I have always left the door open for her to rejoining the family and she can't handle that and you know that story. I know she was in our house after we left. The fact that it was Easter, that she didn't show to celebrate it with us, and that she was alone in the house couldn't have been easy on her despite what she says she is feeling right now. That just may be me projecting though. I've listened to her for years about this, and esp. the last year. If I had a gun to my head and was told I had to predict what is going to happen, I'm not seeing good things. If she can find someway to be content and have the relationship again with her kids then I'll be glad.

Top
Page 31 of 32 < 1 2 ... 29 30 31 32 >


Moderator:  dbmod, Virginia 

Save Your Marriage! Schedule Online

Schedule a phone consultation with a Divorce Busting® Coach! Call: 800-664-2435 or 303-444-7004