Well guys, turns out I have vertigo. I’m guessing the virus I had with the congestion and stuffiness stirred it up some because I never had dizziness like this before that. Had another episode this morning, and H offered to drive me to my dr. appt, but I ended up being okay enough to drive myself. Told me to call/text him when I was on my way so he’d know I was okay driving, and then call once I found out anything at the dr. I did both. Said he was glad I finally found out what was going on, and wanted me to call him when I got to work after dropping my prescription off so he’d know I made it okay. I’m beginning to think he’s showing pity instead of concern. HMMM Anyway, got some meds, so we’ll see how they do tonight.
I did call, but he wasn’t at his desk, so I sent him a short email, “Called your desk. Made it to work. Waited on them to fill my prescription.” He responded back, “Ok. Was away from my desk. Glad you made it in safely.” I’m trying to be more conscious of how I respond in email and not sound blaming or anything. His response made me think that he read it as if I was saying you told me to call, but you weren’t even at your desk. I don’t know. I feel like I’m overanalyzing everything.
I feel like I should be doing something more. More of what I don’t know. I’m not sure of what’s working with H and what’s not. Man I need a digital copy of DB/DR. Can’t be sneaky and read that out in the open like I can everything else on my Nook.
I’m also wanting to check the cell phone usage like I was before. I’m fighting it though. It’ll just send me in a tailspin again. It would just be nice if I had a clue what H was thinking. Not that I think it's over between him and OW. Wishful thinking!
Anyway, I’m hoping to go work out today, at least at Curves for Zumba. I haven’t been in weeks. Hopefully I’ll make it through without falling out. LOL
RoRo - check out my comments in red font inside the quotation block. Hope this is helpful for you.
Originally Posted By: RoRoinMD
Journaling…
Well guys, turns out I have vertigo. I’m guessing the virus I had with the congestion and stuffiness stirred it up some because I never had dizziness like this before that. Had another episode this morning, and H offered to drive me to my dr. appt, but I ended up being okay enough to drive myself. Told me to call/text him when I was on my way so he’d know I was okay driving, and then call once I found out anything at the dr. I did both. Said he was glad I finally found out what was going on, and wanted me to call him when I got to work after dropping my prescription off so he’d know I made it okay. I’m beginning to think he’s showing pity instead of concern. HMMM Anyway, got some meds, so we’ll see how they do tonight.
Why ascribe anything other than that your H may truly be concerned? Over the past few days, you have described what to my mind are some pretty significant steps in the right direction, yet you seem to prefer to view them from the cynics point of view.
I guess I can see where you are fearful this is all a ploy, but what if instead you changed your mindset to thinking "as if"? Then continued to operate from that view while you and your H continue to work on yourselves...
I did call, but he wasn’t at his desk, so I sent him a short email, “Called your desk. Made it to work. Waited on them to fill my prescription.” He responded back, “Ok. Was away from my desk. Glad you made it in safely.”
This is good ^^^^ IMO.
I’m trying to be more conscious of how I respond in email and not sound blaming or anything. His response made me think that he read it as if I was saying you told me to call, but you weren’t even at your desk. I don’t know. I feel like I’m overanalyzing everything.
Good that you are thinking about how to respond and avoid blaming, etc. Good self awareness.
But why do you feel the need to suspect the worse, mind read and "over analyze" every detail. Think about it, your H is at work.... working, and you expect him to wait by the phone for some undetermined amount of time for you to call to tell him everything is ok. Is that really rational thinking? Stop over analyzing and make room in your mind for more clear headed thinking.
I feel like I should be doing something more. More of what I don’t know. I’m not sure of what’s working with H and what’s not. Man I need a digital copy of DB/DR. Can’t be sneaky and read that out in the open like I can everything else on my Nook.
Clearly some things seem to be working. Think about what you have been doing that may be drawing your H closer to you. Keep that in your focus. Consider setting down a set of goals that can be tracked over time to assess your progress. You'll get there, RoRo!
I’m also wanting to check the cell phone usage like I was before. I’m fighting it though. It’ll just send me in a tailspin again. It would just be nice if I had a clue what H was thinking. Not that I think it's over between him and OW. Wishful thinking!
Don't do it! 2 things can come of it. First you will find that he is still in contact with OW and then what? or you find nothing is going on... but you are demonstrating a lack of trust which is also not healthy if you want to restore your M.
If you want to know what your H is thinking, maybe you could ask him. If the mood was right and you mustered up the courage, maybe you could tell him something like:
H, I've noticed you have been doing X, Y & Z lately (i.e. being more open, caring, etc.) and I really appreciate the effort but what does it mean? What is running through your mind right now?
And then be prepared to validate, validate, validate. Don't get defensive or accusatory, just listen....closely.
Anyway, I’m hoping to go work out today, at least at Curves for Zumba. I haven’t been in weeks. Hopefully I’ll make it through without falling out. LOL
Wow! Zumba with vertigo! Now that should be interesting!
Me51 W53 S17 S14 M22 T25 Bomb-9/11; A-11/11; I move out 11/11
It's easy to find our bottom, it is our top that requires cultivation.
Every rough spot adds to our emotional constitution. -Barney Fife
Thank 2tp. I can always count on you to point me in the right direction.
Honestly, I'm not sure I WANT to know what my H is really thinking at this point. (I'm a coward, I know!)
I haven’t been practicing DBing principles effectively that long, and have been encouraged NOT to bring up R talk (or him moving out). My H is sure to see this as R talk.
I know at some point I have ask him what he's doing/thinking, but not sure if now is the right time or not.
Oh and your H response didn't sound like he thought you were being accusatory. I think it all sounds good!
One thing though... I might not respond every single time... or at least delay the responses more to him. I know he was checking in on you but still.
Maybe you can do this in future? Add a little mystery!
111 - I thought about this today. I have been doing this occasionally. On the times that I do, he either calls me or sends another message. So I think I need to incorporate this a little more. Thanks for the reminder.
And yeah, vertigo. Can't wait to get home and take some meds!
So...I managed to work out without falling out! LOL
I did thank H for helping me while I've been sick. Told him he didn't have to do it given the circumstances, and that I appreciate it. He says me feeling better was important and I did the same for him when he was sick. *I didn't go into the why are you being so nice thing...just wasn't the right time.
So we're chatting tonight and start talking about tattoos. We've both wanted one for a while but could never figure out what to get. I told him I've decided on mine (For those of you who want to know, you'll have to check Purg's link for my alter ego.) I tell him that now that I've found my alter ego, it will be a surprise to everyone. He asks me what is. I tell him I'm not telling. He seems surprised because I tell him mostly EVERYTHING.
But something else surprising happens. I tell him I can guess what his is going to be. His "MC" name: Bless. He says he's not telling me. He says he wants an "anagram" (sp?). A word that reads as two different words depending on the way you are reading it. He then proceeds to send me a picture of what he wants to my phone. Turns out its the background on his ipad that I've seen when I snooped. I just say that I like it.
Now my H has been the most secretive person for the past 6 months. I only recognized it as secretive AFTER the bomb. I just thought something else was wrong. I know I'm not supposed to have expectations. But for him to send me this picture is saying something. I just don't know what.
Also tonight we were talking about something else (I had mentioned my plan to take alter ego photos this summer I think), and he stopped himself mid-sentence - like he didn't want to say too much about the future. I noticed, but didn't say anything about it, and kept the conversation light.
I'm feeling closer to him, but know I need to probably detach physically & mentallly from the situation a bit.
I too think you are drawing your H in closer. Keep working on that detaching you are doing. Maintain some of the secrecy that seems to have him intrigued and keep on going!
Things are changing for you and who knows what is on the other side of the mountain?
"I know I'm not supposed to have expectations. But for him to send me this picture is saying something. I just don't know what."
Maybe the answer is in the the anagram?
Me51 W53 S17 S14 M22 T25 Bomb-9/11; A-11/11; I move out 11/11
It's easy to find our bottom, it is our top that requires cultivation.
Every rough spot adds to our emotional constitution. -Barney Fife
My Mum has vertigo. It [censored]! 