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#2225792 - 02/28/12 08:02 PM Re: Wife in "D - freight train mode" Pt.2 [Re: Mach1]
jlove Offline
Member

Registered: 01/25/12
Posts: 126
Originally Posted By: Mach1
Originally Posted By: jlove

Our relationship. Perhaps dealing with the issues she has with us. MC, etc.


When does SHE get to work on her own issues ?

When do you ???



Whenever she wants to, but she doesn't believe in therapy or have any desire to go or deal with her issues according to her. She says she understands she needs to make herself happy, but cannot see being happy in M with me.

I am working on my issues, and still have a ways to go. Long way honestly. So, I trying just to get healthy myself and go from there, wherever there ends up being. I am tempted by the devil like anyone else and have to avoid my own temptations.
_________________________
M 43, W 40
T 22. M 14
D 14, S 9, S 8
DD 11/21/11
Retrouvaille 4/13/12--and the healing begins as we begin a new journey together!


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#2225794 - 02/28/12 08:09 PM Re: Wife in "D - freight train mode" Pt.2 [Re: jlove]
Mach1 Offline
Member

Registered: 11/04/08
Posts: 3732
Since ya'll are in the same place.....

Let me paint this for you.

If I were to ask you to walk from NYC to LA, each of you would probably tell me to F off. An I would agree with you.

If I were to promise each of you a better, restored marriage when you got to LA, every one of you would sign up for that walk....

Right ???

How many would make it ???

And if I told you that there was only a small chance, that if you made the walk , that you would reap the benefits of a better marriage...

How many then ???

How many have what is inside, to actually SEE if they could make it, on miniscule chances ???

If there was a one in ten chance, would you take it ?

If there was a one in a thousand chance, would you take it ?

Would you burn everything you had, to be the one in that equation ?

For most people, they would focus on the destination, and feel failure at almost every step. Feeling that failure would lead them to drop out of the journey.

If you look down the road, you will fail yourself.....

However, if you were to look at your feet, and think about one step at a time, instead of the destination, how many could go much farther than what you think you can ???

This journey the LBS is on, is much similar. We have an unknown destination, that MAY lead us back to our spouse, it may not. The road isn't always clear, and the markers are non-existent.

It is our faith that leads us daily, sometimes hourly, sometimes by the minute......

What we focus on, is where our mind goes.

Are you looking at LA ???

Or are you looking at your feet in Jersey ???

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#2225795 - 02/28/12 08:21 PM Re: Wife in "D - freight train mode" Pt.2 [Re: Mach1]
Broken74 Offline
Member

Registered: 01/19/12
Posts: 288
Grmpy and jlove, I am right there with you guys, it is so tough... And I read on these board how others have went on for 10 times as long as I've been in my sitch and can't comprehend it.

And then Mach1 swoops in and puts a perfect spin on the situation... Thank you for that sir I needed it today. I have a number of your posts printed out for when times get tough and I appreciate the thoughts that you and everybody else share out here.
_________________________
me 38
W 30
T 3
M in 05/2010
Separated 08/2011
Stephchildren (all hers) SS17, SS12, SD8
I filed 8/27, she countered I filed response 9/5
Anxiously waiting on the judge!

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#2225799 - 02/28/12 08:33 PM Re: Wife in "D - freight train mode" Pt.2 [Re: Mach1]
jlove Offline
Member

Registered: 01/25/12
Posts: 126
Originally Posted By: Mach1
Since ya'll are in the same place.....

Let me paint this for you.

If I were to ask you to walk from NYC to LA, each of you would probably tell me to F off. An I would agree with you.

If I were to promise each of you a better, restored marriage when you got to LA, every one of you would sign up for that walk....

Right ???

How many would make it ???

And if I told you that there was only a small chance, that if you made the walk , that you would reap the benefits of a better marriage...

How many then ???

How many have what is inside, to actually SEE if they could make it, on miniscule chances ???

If there was a one in ten chance, would you take it ?

If there was a one in a thousand chance, would you take it ?

Would you burn everything you had, to be the one in that equation ?

For most people, they would focus on the destination, and feel failure at almost every step. Feeling that failure would lead them to drop out of the journey.

If you look down the road, you will fail yourself.....

However, if you were to look at your feet, and think about one step at a time, instead of the destination, how many could go much farther than what you think you can ???

This journey the LBS is on, is much similar. We have an unknown destination, that MAY lead us back to our spouse, it may not. The road isn't always clear, and the markers are non-existent.

It is our faith that leads us daily, sometimes hourly, sometimes by the minute......

What we focus on, is where our mind goes.

Are you looking at LA ???

Or are you looking at your feet in Jersey ???


good perspective and thank you for this on this tough day! I work out and do my AA one step/day at a time and my W says she is taking our R one day at a time, so I will put left foot forward and head to LA.
I would make the trek if there was a shot, so I guess I need to keep this in mind....J
_________________________
M 43, W 40
T 22. M 14
D 14, S 9, S 8
DD 11/21/11
Retrouvaille 4/13/12--and the healing begins as we begin a new journey together!


Top
#2225805 - 02/28/12 08:55 PM Re: Wife in "D - freight train mode" Pt.2 [Re: Mach1]
RoRoinMD Offline
Member

Registered: 01/18/12
Posts: 871
Originally Posted By: Mach1
If I were to ask you to walk from NYC to LA, each of you would probably tell me to F off. An I would agree with you.

If I were to promise each of you a better, restored marriage when you got to LA, every one of you would sign up for that walk....

It is our faith that leads us daily, sometimes hourly, sometimes by the minute......

What we focus on, is where our mind goes.

Are you looking at LA ???

Or are you looking at your feet in Jersey ???


WHOA! I needed that today! Thanks Mach!
_________________________
Me:34
H:38
SS:19 - lives in NC with his mom
M:3
Bomb #1: 1/3/12 - We're not compatible. I want out.
Bomb #2: 1/12/12 - Found out about EA/PA
H moves out 10/2/12

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#2225990 - 02/29/12 03:04 PM Re: Wife in "D - freight train mode" Pt.2 [Re: RoRoinMD]
Grmpy_Mnky Offline
Member

Registered: 12/17/11
Posts: 524
Loc: MS
Ya know when I see the "oldtimers" here extoll the virtues and necessity of patience, I am like pfftt...whatever - can't beleive you schmucks have hung on for so long. Why don't you just get back out there? Afterall, its just a girl/guy and he/she can be replaced.

Well I'm here to say go ahead and give that shot and see where it gets you. It's just not that simple. As painful as it sometimes is, patience and introspection are absolute requisites. Beyond any doubt, mastering the former is the hardest journey I have ever embarked upon.

Waking-up each morning and getting past that first several seconds of "sh!t she is gone" is still extremely painful. I can make it through my days without giving the sitch much thought. It's just when things slow down, especially at night that I begin to let my convictions wane. Oh well, enough b"tching for today.

BTW- thanks guys for your input. Except for you Mach....kidding!;)
_________________________
Me: 44
Bomb: 11/27/11
Divorced:6/12
Life goes on: 6/13


Dogs still like bacon...a lot.

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#2225992 - 02/29/12 03:09 PM Re: Wife in "D - freight train mode" Pt.2 [Re: Grmpy_Mnky]
labug Offline
Member

Registered: 11/25/11
Posts: 8871
Loc: Sonoran Desert
We have to work thru this sh!t sometime in our lives or we'll be right back in the same boat, wondering what the he!! happened.

Right now is as good a time as any, I s'pose.
_________________________
Me 57/H 58
M35 S24 S21
Bomb 3/11 Sep 3/11
Piecing 9/13 12/13 Reconciling

"We can make ourselves miserable, or we can make ourselves happy. The amount of work is the same"~Carlos Castenada

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#2225993 - 02/29/12 03:10 PM Re: Wife in "D - freight train mode" Pt.2 [Re: Grmpy_Mnky]
Grmpy_Mnky Offline
Member

Registered: 12/17/11
Posts: 524
Loc: MS
Hmm. That post got me to thinking about epic journies. For the geeks out there - So in Lord of the Rings Froto has to take the ring over to Mt. Doom. What does he do? Well, he gets a whole bunch of his friends killed, not to mention whoreds of those poor orks, and causes mischeif and strife all along the way. To make things worse he cries and moans all along the way about how tired he is. His buddy Sam and the others are doing all the work.
Why did he not just hop an the back of one of those giant eagles, fly over to Mt. Doom and drop the ring in the fire?
So simple...can't stand that guy.

Looking for a parellel here?
_________________________
Me: 44
Bomb: 11/27/11
Divorced:6/12
Life goes on: 6/13


Dogs still like bacon...a lot.

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#2225996 - 02/29/12 03:17 PM Re: Wife in "D - freight train mode" Pt.2 [Re: Grmpy_Mnky]
Mach1 Offline
Member

Registered: 11/04/08
Posts: 3732
^^^^

Monkey just had a Geek-gasm...

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#2225998 - 02/29/12 03:19 PM Re: Wife in "D - freight train mode" Pt.2 [Re: Mach1]
Grmpy_Mnky Offline
Member

Registered: 12/17/11
Posts: 524
Loc: MS
Guess I need a nap now.
_________________________
Me: 44
Bomb: 11/27/11
Divorced:6/12
Life goes on: 6/13


Dogs still like bacon...a lot.

Top
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