ces, you may have mentioned this before but have you sat down with her and shown her the actual figures, pay stubs, bank statements, the whole nine yards?
Also, have you heard of Financial Peace University?
Hey Labug, yes, W and I have gone over all our bills and cash flow. We actually started that at the beginning of what little MC we did last year (a little under a year ago). At that point, my W wasn't happy with how I was documenting things so she set up a folder for each pay period so that each payment could be documented. Its well organized. I always kept the bills paid but did not document it each pay period. My W never really wanted to be part of the process as it stressed her out (her words).
While she made some critical comments about my poor origanization, I followed her process because I wanted to cooperate and also because it was a good process. Since then she has had little or nothing to do with the process. On occasion she will write down a bill that is due.
I've offered to go over this multiple times and to look at better ways to work together. Her response is typically what I got yesterday. She blames, makes excuses and in the end avoids taking part.
I'm familiar with Dave Ramsey and have looked at some of his stuff. The group I'm meeting with this week is Crown Financial. I found them on the "Focus on the Family" website. I'm taking steps to get out of the hole we're in. I want to leave the door open for my W to take part but no idea if she will or not.
Me:45, W:45 S:16 D:13 M:22, T:25 Bomb: July 2010 Putting finances in order for "D" Continue to live in same home-separate rooms
Well, not sure if it was our talk yesterday but something has impacted my W for the day.
W called me on my way home and asked me to get dinner started. She had run our D's science fair project to the the country show. S13 had bball practice so dinner needed to get started. Not a big deal. Actually thankful she asked for my help. (OK, she told me I needed to do this but that's pretty much always been her way of asking).
I get home and house is far from orderly. There was nothing on the calendar for the day so as far as I know W had no where to be. The clean dishes were still in the washer from last night. All the day's dishes including the kid's breakfast stuff is all over the kitchen counters. No laundry was done (W usually starts this on Mondays). All the presents and gift bags from my D's birthday were still scattered on the floor in the living room untouched from yesterday.
W gets home and its obvious she has cleaned up for the day. Typically she's at least put on some makeup and jewelry. She had no make up and only her single wedding band with no other jewelry on.
She was a bit snippy with me a few times which I ignored. This is usually what I would find when W has spend the day in bed being depressed.
Not sure if it had to do with our money talk yesterday or something else. But something is definitely bothering her a lot more than usual. In the past I've asked if she wants to talk and the answer has always been "no" so I didn't even bother this evening.
Me:45, W:45 S:16 D:13 M:22, T:25 Bomb: July 2010 Putting finances in order for "D" Continue to live in same home-separate rooms
Ces- it took me a couple days to read your thread. I have 2 lil ones... First- great!!! U went to al anon! It works if you work it! H isn't an alcoholic but a child of an alcoholic, like myself. Still helps a lot! W coldness - keep working on yourself for YOU!! Remember not to expect anything. Treat her as a friend. GAL - spending time w ur kids is a great GAL. They need to know you both love them. There r so many other things u brought up that I want to address but lil time. Ur bros negativity (and anyone else's) will bring down your efforts. Continue to stay away from the topic. It will help you in the long run.
Also, work on your own demons. They will help you regardless of the outcome!
M 42 H 39 T10 (-2yrs separation) S8 D5 DD 7/30/11 (EA&PA) Reconciled 6/2013 Separation in works 1/2017
