I didn't see it coming...but now I see everything

[breakdownbill]

Have you read either of the DR or DB books? By your posts is doesn't seem like it as you are doing everything MWD says not to. You're bouncing all over the place.

Hi labug - I haven't read either of the books, but I was trying to follow lots of advice on here & what's happened since Sunday just exploded from a huge row. At the moment I'm just riding the wave and enjoying it (sort of). But I have my doubts that this will last and if their relationship is truly over.

[breakdownbill]

Tonight was the first night of dancing that she's missed. I think she's really trying though as tonight she asked me to watch her try on some dresses and had nice underwear on & she made the moves - it was so nice for her to do that again - as it had been all 1 way lately. The dancing issue won't go away - but at least she's trying and I'm really happy with that.

[breakdownbill]

I've decided to set myself some short term goals

1. Go back dancing tomorrow myself & enjoy it & give it 100%
2. Start running again at least 3 times a week
3. Get focused & stuck into my UNI work again give it 100%
4. Remembering to show appreciation for anything nice my wife does for me & to take any compliments with a smile & say thanks.
5. start counselling tomorrow (individual - just me)
6. To stop discussing anything about my insecurities,R or future.
7. to be more confident and show an interest in W's day to day.
8. Show her how much I trust her by letting her go back to dancing this week. (too hard to make her give this up, she loves it so much & we have a big circle of friends there - got to trust her or it hasn't got a chance).

** the first 3 will give me some GAL and something to focus on & talk to W about when we are talking

we are giving it ago - we are intimate, we talk, we kiss, cuddle, but it's still hard & awkward for both of us emotionally connecting alone after such detachment. This was proved last night when we went out for a meal - when we ran out of stuff to say to each other, the past got discussed & the evening went down hill. Gonna take smaller steps, coffee & chat - yes, Romantic meal - not yet - seems forced for both of us.

Do those steps sound like a good Short Term Plan for me?

[sandi2]

I'm afraid you are in for more pain. Your W gave you remarkable sex before she told you about the OM. After she said they only kissed and "fooled around" (what does that mean if not sex?), then she gives you sex two more times.

Can you see what happened? No, b/c she has seduced you and your male hormones are so happy that you can't use your common sense. She gave you the best sex ever, to soften you up before the blow she was about to give you (and I don't mean blow as in bj).

She gives you only part of the truth, and then she goes back and you have sex two more times. You have admitted that it only now has begun to sink in about what she said.

I predict that you've had the last of great sex with her, and that she will get more colder and withdrawn from you.

She hasn't given you all the truth.

[breakdownbill]

I predict that you've had the last of great sex with her, and that she will get more colder and withdrawn from you.

She hasn't given you all the truth.

Thanks for the advice Sandi, I think you may be right about all of what you said (sadly). I went to my counselling session today & they said that my W doesn't know what she wants and that I need more counselling to help me for my own well being. It was nice to have someone listen & to ask how I felt about some of this stuff, I think that these sessions will really help me - no matter what happens next.

If I get any good advice I'll share it on here.

[breakdownbill]

Can you see what happened? No, b/c she has seduced you and your male hormones are so happy that you can't use your common sense. She gave you the best sex ever, to soften you up before the blow she was about to give you (and I don't mean blow as in bj).

Sandi2 that last part had me laughing - which is something I haven't done in ages. Thank you for that - needed a good laugh!!
I also loved that phrase - 'you and your male hormones' so going to use that one next time one of my friends p's me off!!

[breakdownbill]

I don't want to get my hopes up too much, but things have been great this week. I went to my dancing class on Monday - got completely into it (danced all night) and got compliments from my dance teacher. When I got in my wife waited up for me to ask me if I'd had fun and what I'd learned this week. we went to bed and made love. Yesterday we practiced a bit of dancing for about 15 mins and we were chatting and having fun. Yesterday I also left my facebook signed in on the laptop & when I went to check the internet history (habit - do this 'cause D8 uses it alot) I noticed she'd checked the profile of one of my girl friends who I'd said was pretty ages ago. I think this is a good sign - plus she's sending text message regularly. Is my wife interested and into me again or am I just imagining / wishing it?

[sandi2]

Sandi2 that last part had me laughing - which is something I haven't done in ages. Thank you for that - needed a good laugh!!
I also loved that phrase - 'you and your male hormones' so going to use that one next time one of my friends p's me off!!

Thanks! Laughter is good medicine.

I'm short on time this morning, but I'll try to find time tonight and reply to your other post.

Have a good day!

[breakdownbill]

Thanks! Laughter is good medicine.

I'm short on time this morning, but I'll try to find time tonight and reply to your other post.

Have a good day!

Thanks Sandi - I'm hitting the UNI work hard today - speak to you soon :-)

[breakdownbill]

Today is the 1st night W is going back dancing. It's hit a trigger with me today about the PA and I'm struggling to keep a lid on it, even though things have been much better this week. Do you just have days like this? I want to trust my wife again but this is really hard. Been trying to GAL went for a run this morning & been doing UNI work - but my mind is on the PA today & it is not healthy. Any advice to try and stop me thinking about my W with another man? I'm booked in for my 1st 1hr counselling session on Monday & it can't come quick enough!!