Everyone who has posted recently, thank you! I've got a lot going on and a lot on my mind at the moment and can't really muster the discipline necessary to respond to individual posts. Know that I do read them and appreciate the time and effort it takes to formulate some of the great insight and advice that I have been receiving. For now I'm just going to continue to post my thoughts so they don't get bottled up.
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A bit of a rough day today. W appeared to be doing better earlier this morning and later this afternoon she definitely seemed to be on the mend. However, she failed an oxygen saturation test that would have determined her ability to go home. She's not leaving any time soon.
She also had an echocardiogram performed and her Ejection Fraction #'s are so low that she is at severe risk for heart failure or worse! Essentially the fluid in her lungs is so severe that it is putting pressure on her heart and must be treated. The Dr's gave her an injection of something called lasix that is supposed to be some powerful diuretic that helps the body eliminate fluids to alleviate the pressure on the heart. I pulled the Dr. aside to ask if this was a serious condition and she said yes.
While I was at the hospital this evening, W wanted to take a shower and felt good enough to do so. However, she could barely dry herself and I had to go in and help her get dressed and back into bed. She was so severely winded that I almost called the nurse in. But after getting her back on the oxygen, she recovered fairly quickly.
My W could sense my growing concern with everything that was developing and told me not to worry, she'd be ok. She asked me to leave since we was concerned that S13 who was with me seemed like he was getting a little upset. So I reluctantly left but as soon as I got home I called her to reassure her and myself. W again said she'd be ok and not to worry.
Since my W has been in the hospital and I have been spending more time at the house I have come to discover that her life is really in shambles. As I commented previously, the house is a wreck. This includes trash cans that need to be emptied, toilets that need to be cleaned, dishes that need to be washed and put away, laundry that either needs to be washed or folded and pout away. The house is just a mess!
Also, I have been driving my W's car since her car gets way better gas mileage than mine dies and I have been jackassing all over town the past few days. Even the car is a mess. trash everywhere, oil 3000 miles past the required change interval, inspection 2 months over due, etc.
So, W wants to be rid of me and exercise her independence but clearly she is struggling and now that she is deathly ill and will require 6 weeks of recovery, her plans are going to have to go out the window at least for the time being.
It is going to be interesting to see how things will play out in the coming days and weeks. She is not going to be able to manage the kids and the house without my help. Will she let me help? I guess we'll find out. I know that she has been relying on me quite a bit these past few days.
Just today, she asked me to bring some clean underwear, shampoo, razor and other essentials with me to the hospital. And she has not pushed me away when I have been helping her walk, brushing her hair, rubbing her back or kissing her forehead when I leave.
Well, that's all for now.
Me51 W53 S17 S14 M22 T25 Bomb-9/11; A-11/11; I move out 11/11
It's easy to find our bottom, it is our top that requires cultivation.
Every rough spot adds to our emotional constitution. -Barney Fife
2 hope W makes out ok and my prayers are with you. And the family. I think your expectations are increasing. How will you feel when she is better and she is back on her journey? Do help but rid your expectstions or you could get hurt again. Hang in there buddy
M 53 D 20 Separated 6/22/11 moved out 10/24 Together 26 yrs Married 16 W Filed for D 7/21/11 Served 9/6/11 D final 8/28/12
“Failure is not fatal, but failure to change might be.”
Man 2, feeling for you and your w, hope she can get on the mend asap.
It seems that no matter what stage of the journey we are in with our WAS when the ish hits the fan, especially health concerns, like you W's or mine, everything is thrown out and we are their for them to support and love.
I do agree w/ Rick about the expectations. Is it hard for you not to begin cleaining up all the messes? If you do it, are you doing it for you, for her, the kids? Any expectations?
When I finally accepted my W was gone and had her own place (took a while) I eventually one weekend morning went and cut her grass while she was out as it was out of control long. She really appreciated this and although I know this benefited my kids and I just wanted to do something thoughtful and helpful, I did have some kind of expectations that she notice.
Can you wait for her to ask you for help around the house or do you think it would be a good idea to bring up the topic and ask if she would like for you to help out while she is recovering?
I've been keeping up with your story..... My heart goes out to you. I think you are doing the right thing by putting everything else (the lawyers, D papers, OM...) on the back burners and just focusing on her health. I'm sure you are scared, and she is too.
Honestly, I don't think there's any reason you need to be conscience of your expectations (and/or trying to stop them) nor do you need to worry about what 'DB would tell you to do'.... Fact is: she is very sick and you are the one stepping in to take care of her. Not because you feel obligated or someone told you to do so- its the RIGHT thing to do because you love her. Remember the other 'rule' of DB: Do what works for *your* sitch.
When all is said and done and she gets out of the hospital, there is no way she won't reflect and see all that you did for her through this. You are showing her AND your kids what unconditional love looks like.
Prayers for your family and her recovery.
M-31, H-31 T-9, M-7 S-6, s-20mth sep 8/1/11 ILYNILWY 11/29/11 Creating separation papers. Discover H has feelings for BFF, she does too 1/11/12 H moves out 1.20.12
