FWIW, I think if you can focus on you through this, your journey (and BTW I am just starting to get this myself) and not be a slave to hers, then you won't agonize over the meaning of every little interaction. You will just be walking your path, and letting her walk hers in the meantime. Then, this sitch would be so much easier to handle without the mental gymnastics. She's sick, the kids have needs in the meantime, you're walking your path in the meantime and sure its no problem to help out.
BTW 2, when the shyte hits the fan like with this illness, she might notice that its you that's there, the mature, strong, moral, patient, unconditionally loving father of her kids. Where's the goofy OM at this time? Right....not there. You are there.
So I'm on my way to an audiologist appointment and my phone rings. Its my W who is in total panic mode. She can't breathe and she is tears. So I race home and she looks like she is standing on deaths door.
I race her to the emergency room where they immediately begin oxygen a nebulizer breathing treatment, draw 6 vials of blood, place her on an IV steroidal drip followed by an antibiotic drip. XXrays are next followed by possible hospitalization.
W says thank you, like she would to a friend. I just nod and say nothing.
Another day.....
Me51 W53 S17 S14 M22 T25 Bomb-9/11; A-11/11; I move out 11/11
It's easy to find our bottom, it is our top that requires cultivation.
Every rough spot adds to our emotional constitution. -Barney Fife
Actions speak louder than words. Your actions today have spoken...she may not act like it, or acknowledge it...but she noticed nonetheless. Keep doing what's right and have ZERO expectations.
"Always go straight forward, and if you meet the devil, cut him in two and go between the pieces." - William Sturgis, clipper ship captain, 1830's.
This is a good sign. Do not stay with her in the hospital and DO NOT clean up your house. Let her come home after her hospital stay to the house in the disarray she left the house in. Maybe take the kids out to dinner so you are not tempted to straighten up
---- M 39 H 35 D5,D4 M 4 T 9 ILYBNILWY 5/18/11 Left 7/11/11 Divorced 12/1/13
(I am gonna assume <gasp> that you did it because it was the right thing to do. Your boys needed you, and you needed to be there for them)
THAT is what I have been talking about here...
You did what is right, regardless of the reaction.
You weren't looking to her for guidance. You weren't looking toward her for validation. You weren't doing it because you thought she may come running back if you did.
You did it because it was the right thing to do....
I'm proud of you for that....
The other part is....
That it ends now.
The wondering about if she did this, felt this way, or noticed this....ends now.
