Dark Shadows & Light at the End of the Tunnel?

[2thepoint]

M1 - "Do YOU really have to go there ???"

I don't know. I mean I think I understand the source but that doesn't mean I know how to manage it or if I even should manage it versus exorcising it out of my system if that is even possible.

M1 - "Lets go back to a beginners mind for now."

Not sure I understand what you are getting at with this ^^^^. Can you elaborate?

[Mach1]

Not sure I understand what you are getting at with this ^^^^. Can you elaborate?

DB101

What are your goals ?

What are you doing differently ?

Identifying the things that YOU don't like about how you interact with people.



How do you know if you are moving towards your goals, or away from them, if your goals are not clear ?

Are your goals achievable without your wife helping you get there ?

If your goals are tied to another human deciding whether or not you can reach them, then you are setting yourself up for failure.

Do you like yourself, when you get certain reactions from other people ?

Are you too comfortable in your daily routine ?

Access where YOU are for yourself once a week to make sure you keep yourself in line with those things.

Are you staying consistent with what is working for you ?

Are you living your life, "as if" you are going to be just fine when you interact with her ?

Are you happy when you interact ?

Are you thought stopping ? Mindreading ?

Assuming her feelings ?

How are you practicing your validations skills ?







More ????

[2thepoint]

Been wrestling with this all day.....

Went over to the house today to walk S10 to the bus stop. W is super sick. She texts me later to tell me she has super aggressive form of pneumonia and is about 24 hours away from being admitted to hospital and asks if I would pick S up from school. Not a problem I respond.

I check in on her later (is that pursuit?) and she tells me she has to stay in bed and take massive doses of antibiotics. Asks me if I could tend to the boys, (i.e. get them home, fed, bed and then ready for school in the morning). I said yes, no problem.

I know I should be detaching but she has no real support system and she is super sick. I think I am being thoughtful and caring with no expectations whatsoever, but I am concerned that this is pursuit and that I am rescuing her, again.

Any thoughts?

[Drew]

You're doing what any normal compassionate human being would do.

[BklynMom]

I think its okay because she asked you for help and you have obliged versus when she didnt ask and you just did it anyway. Dont go above and beyond what she has asked. Dont nurse her just take care of the kids.

[rickb89]

Agree w Brklyn....no matter what, you have to team up when it comes to things that affect the kids

[labug]

No question, do it!

[2thepoint]

Picked S10 up from school this afternoon and took him home. House is a wreck. W is in terrible shape. I felt bad for her. Made her a cup of hot tea. I did not take out the trash!

I agreed to come back early tomorrow morning to wake the boys and get them off to school. W was very appreciative. Said thank you for helping me. I said you're welcome and left with nothing else said.

With the exception of making the cup of tea, it almost felt like a clinical visit. Maybe a sign of emotional detachment?

[antlers]

Did it seem like a clinical visit because you felt like she saw it that way...or because from your end that's all it was?

In the first case it would be emotional detachment on her part...in the second case it would be emotional detachment on your part.

[2thepoint]

Did it seem like a clinical visit because you felt like she saw it that way...or because from your end that's all it was?

In the first case it would be emotional detachment on her part...in the second case it would be emotional detachment on your part.

W was practically a zombie. For me it felt clinical because that is all it was. House is a wreck and I don't care. Ordinarily that would drive me up a wall!

Stopped by the house early this morning to get kids up and ready for school. W comes barreling out of the bedroom 30 minutes later and shouts/coughs, did you turn off my alarm clock, the kids are going to be late for school!?!? No, I reply calmly. I told you I would come over early to get the kids up. S10 is in the shower and everything is under control. W zombies back towards the bedroom.

Yep, definitely detachment on my part. Feel nothing emotional. At all!