Beats me! I wasn't sure whether she was just being a bitch, which she's quite capable of, or whether it was some kind of jealousy thing. Actually who cares! I told her earlier I'd been off work for four days with this cold and her response was "it must be nice to be able to take that much time off work" in other words, she's so overworked. I compare her responses to SDA Lady and it's like night and day. Tonight at 10:00pm I texted SDA Lady to tell her I was still in Pickering and she responded "That's OK, take ur time and enjoy your evening with your family" Uh, night and day.
I never did reply. He came over late this afternoon. Packed up a bunch of his stuff, helped me get the futon set back up as a couch in the office, then asked if I wanted to go to dinner. I really was on the fence. We ended up going to sushi, he bought (he better have lol).
So nice it kept giving me deja vu. Had to keep reminding myself it wasn't a date.
Got back to the house (I drove since his car was full of stuff) and he asked if I wanted to talk. Again, on the fence. We ended up talking for a couple hours. The short version, he wasn't happy, he's still not happy, he doesn't know what he needs to be happy. But it's not fair to me to have to deal with that. He admits maybe the ADs have something to do with it, but he's still not sure it's enough. He's worried I'm suddenly going to decide I want kids, and since he won't have kids that's not fair to me. He's worried that things would never get better. He's mad that he had to break up with me to have all these conversations. Yet when I called BS and said he could have brought any of this up over the last six months before it got to the point where he decided he needed out, he said yes, but I had brought these issues up three or four times. He misses the dog, he misses me, but he needs his alone time. He needs time to work on his own stuff. Maybe he'll go back to school, maybe he'll try a different AD. Maybe we could try again when we're both in different places.
Just trying to put it all on paper before I start to forget details.
I'm too tired to really sort through all of this. I'm gonna try and get some sleep. We'll see if I can get my brain to shut up.
Michelle - Proud DR Rockette S: 28JUL07, D'd: 29OCT09 http://tinyurl.com/27j9qo2
Oh and the biggest trigger was hearing from his ex gf last summer. She's back with her bf, actually dumped Roger to get back with him. Apparently that really threw him for a loop. He e-mailed her back and asked her not to contact him again, she hasn't. But apparently that dredge up a lot of unresolved stuff. Was sort of the beginning of him questioning a lot of things about his life.
Michelle - Proud DR Rockette S: 28JUL07, D'd: 29OCT09 http://tinyurl.com/27j9qo2
Wow, that's a lot Michelle. Sorry to hear this. I was surprised to see so many new pages on your thread, just caught up.
Quote:
The short version, he wasn't happy, he's still not happy, he doesn't know what he needs to be happy. But it's not fair to me to have to deal with that.
That says it all IMO. You know you can't do anything to help that, right? You're doing a decent job of letting him miss you, but need to do more. The dog stuff would drive me absolutely nuts.
As for the commitment issue, as a guy I can tell you there wasn't any from the start. As soon as the feelings were gone he knew he could peace out. Of course, the same is true in marriage realistically, but at least there's commitment there.
The most fascinating comments to me are about having kids (why did that come up?), and not loving you as much as you love him. That's obviously true, but why does he feel so bad about it? It almost seems like he knows it's time to get serious, or not. That friends with benefits just doesn't work past 3 years. Honestly, I think he's right.
So, what do YOU want?
Me: 30 W: 28 T 8, M 6 S: 7-27-2007 W filed (again) 3-2011 Served 8-2011 Responded, now dark "I have decided to stick with love. Hate is too great a burden to bear" MLK
He has had gfs in the past who said they were okay with not having kids and then bailed on him later with that as a justification. It happened to him multiple times, so it's definitely a sore subject for him.
I didn't want to get married again. It's just a piece of paper, doesn't keep someone around. I've gotten past the point of thinking the whole thing is ridiculous, but I certainly don't feel any pressure to get remarried.
How much more serious does it get than talking every day? Having dinner together every night? Spending every night together? Getting a dog together? Living together until he bought his house? Short of getting that piece of paper, I don't see that it wasn't serious.
Michelle - Proud DR Rockette S: 28JUL07, D'd: 29OCT09 http://tinyurl.com/27j9qo2
Michelle, You're right about the piece of paper. All of us, especially on this site, know that. Just because we had that piece of paper didn't mean my W fought for our marriage, was willing to go to counseling, or anything. I completely relate to your frustration on that.
Didn't mean to sound harsh, this is just what I'm seeing with him. It was a convenience thing for him, staying in as long as it felt good. And peacing out as soon as it didn't. Strange as it may seem, in his mind he's just being fair to you.
Me: 30 W: 28 T 8, M 6 S: 7-27-2007 W filed (again) 3-2011 Served 8-2011 Responded, now dark "I have decided to stick with love. Hate is too great a burden to bear" MLK
So, if I get what you are saying, you think he believes that relationships have a life cycle. That because he's never seen anyone maintain a happy long-term relationship he believes that all relationships must end and that it's only fair to make the break easy?
Michelle - Proud DR Rockette S: 28JUL07, D'd: 29OCT09 http://tinyurl.com/27j9qo2
