Learning as I go

[Rick1963]

No need to apologize. Just throwing ideas out there.If you have health care can you use it to get a C? I know about the two job thing. I worked two jobs until three or four years ago. After a decade. I know colleagues working three jobs. But it is what it is.

I am sorry to say this but you sound very depressed. Your helplessness and hopelessness comes right through the net. Think it is time for a reset Don't you think?

You don't need too much or any money to GAL. But thinking out of the box is in order.

[Rick1963]

One more thing have you consulted with a L? If not do it ASAP to protect you and D. Initial consults are free.

[Rick1963]

And u did not answer all of my questions

[tested metal]

Rick,

Thank you for your suggestions and sorry if I did not answer all of your questions, but there were a lot!

As for the L, I contacted the biggest baddest L in the tri-county area about a month after all this was going down. Unfortunately he informed me that his retainer was $4,500.

I realize that right now I am depressed as I am becoming very overwhelmed, am not sleeping right, and feel very isolated.

More in a minute..

[WenikiTiki]

Hey Tested!

Sleep is your number one friend as you go through all this stuff.

I take Ambien. Yoga helps too. A friend of mine uses Excedrin PM. I do believe I would have been a basket case if I hadn't been getting my sleep.....

Do not feel alone, you have all your internet friends out here with you!

Aloha,

Wendy

[tested metal]

What hit me really hard today is when I was doing my taxes and found out that I now owe $770. I had followed the advice of my tax preparer last year (who was MIL) to the letter and still owe money. I talked to her about the matter and she replied "Well I told [W] to tell you to take out more this year "(I had already claimed 0 on everything and am sure I would have remembered if I had been told to take out more as I take tax preparer's advice as serious as it was gold.) She also informed me that W had been taking out extra on her checks the whole time and that all our refunds were due to her actions! If I would have known, I would have made to proper arrangements.


Anyway, long story short, I will figure this mess out now and I have learned to go to a 3rd party who is not family to get taxes done. I will be taking out more $ for taxes in the future, but this really sets me back temporarily.

I know that I have insecurities regarding finances, but that is because I have always wanted to not be my father and work 2 jobs and never see my family, and now it appears i have become my father! Very Fruedian indeed!

I am dong what i can with finances to look into joining a gym, but this might set me back. I live in the frigid tundra so outdoor activities are tough to do. But I will think up a way somehow to get on the right track.

Just venting for mow. Thanks for the listening eyes!

[tested metal]

I will have to start trying Excerdrin PM. I know that W has hard time sleeping as she used Tylonol PM regularly for sleep but was afraid that she would not wake up for baby's cries. So I would take care of baby at night for her so she could get sleep.

For me I know it is a PTSD thing as I wake up every night at 3 am and can't sleep until 6 pm. This was the same pattern I would have when living with W and would be waiting awake at home in bed for W to come home when I lived with her.

I am trying the Stop sign thought block, but it does not always work at night. If I have a stiff one (alcohol, for you preverts :)) before bed I sleep hard, but I am not well rested. So I will try the tylonol PM or excedirn PM.

I know from other's posts the sleep thing is part of the territory and sadly take some comfort in that.

Thank you all for being so kind, even if I have to be 2x4ed. Anything helps at this point.

There is no where to go but up! (I hope)

[Rick1963]

Push ups and sit ups can be done inside. Right Now I am doing 50 sit ups and moved to 40 push ups. My goal is 100 of both. I started taking melatonin is Really knocks me out.

[Thundarr]

Good evening all,

I've just been spending a bit of time catching up and noticed that Tested Metal and I have the same occupation in common. I usually post on Heros Spouse and had posted on LifeTwo until it apparently disappeared a few days ago. I don't think my thread is still active here but I noticed that Tested had posted on my old thread.

As for me, I don't have the PTSD symptoms any more but BOY did I have them in the beginning!! I used to wake up and feel like someone dropped a 500 pound weight on my chest in the morning. Stay strong, my friend, and check my updated thread on the other site if you get a chance. We will survive this one way or another. We have to for our kids. Good luck to Rick as well, and it's encouraging that you're still together. There seem to be several restoration stories here apparently.

[tested metal]

I took some St. John's Wort today which seems to have helped my mood and has calmed me down.

I was called at 8 am this morning by W asking me to "do her a favor" and pick up D an hour early because apparently the two had been up all night (teething) and she had to work a 13 hr. day. I (having gotten to bed at 3 am because I worked until 2 am) agreed to help her out not expecting anything whatsoever.

Tonight I got a text from her asking my address, zip code, and town of my birth. I replied the answers but asked her what she need them for. She replied "paperwork." I then asked what kind of paperwork and she did not reply back.

I think the reason that I was freaking out and that I have been feeling nervous is that I can just sense being served very soon with D papers.

Then again she might be asking for taxes reasons. It does no good to try to mind read.

I am no where prepared as I am trying to save $ for a L. I have consulted with L. I am also trying to get an apartment on my own (am renting a basement from friends until spring) and may have to move very soon if she decides to file and I have to fight for custody.

The nice thing is that I have a ton of friends that have offered to help me with attorney bill if need be (if she files).

I think for me the reason why I question whether it is MLC or not is because I am wondering if she was always like this and I never seen it, or did she just start acting crazy. If she started acting crazy and had mental problems, I could be a little more compassionate. Otherwise she would be a raving, coldhearted, B in my book and I would probably go after her with guns blazing (legal wise).

I still respect that she is the mother of my child and will leave D to decide what kind of relationship she will have with her mother.

I am pretty sure though that if W decides to D I will be closing the door on any potential of a future relationship because the damage will be too great.

Then again who knows? When we first started dating we had a conversation about cheating and how if it ever happened to us the relationship would be over.

I am now here trying to stand for our M and found out that I have more compassion, patience, and forgiveness than I ever thought I had (and I realize that 4 paragraphs ago I called W a coldhearted B.. LOL .

I am just riding the wave of emotions right now and trying to detach more. I have been doing NC pretty well for the last 2 weeks except for drop offs, pick ups, and 1 conversation about taxes.