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#2236797 - 04/10/12 10:38 AM Re: (NA) Informally separated from WAW, but DBing my best [Re: ces67]
AlwaysTrying Offline
Member

Registered: 10/26/11
Posts: 243
The counseling session was a bust. She asserted that she wants to move things forward (divorce, not separation) and that she wants to move out. with the kids. if I'll let her. (yeah, right!) Current deal was for 3 months and that time is almost up, so she'll be moving on. Then she bent a little and said that actually it makes sense for her to stay at least until the end of the school year. That's two more months.

Otherwise, thoughts and feelings were exchanged, and I think steps in a positive direction were happening. Getting her there showed that we would make more progress with more sessions. This was the most positive session we've had in probably 6 months, and she acknowledged that good things were happening with me and she saw improvement in our relationship.

Counselor suggested we meet again. Maybe every couple of weeks. She suggested we do a two-hour session and resolve some issues. I think my counselor has really invested herself in trying to rescue my marriage. I can tell that she is optimistic about the potential to rebuild our marriage. W was predictably non-committal about a future joint appointment. C asked if W would be willing to meet her separately, and W agreed, but they didn't schedule a time because W didn't have her calendar with her. bah! That was Tuesday.

I waited until the weekend to ask W if she called the C back. Nope. I have been trying not to pressure her about it, but the two-month clock she put me on makes it hard. I only asked her once until today. Today I said that I recognize that the appointment with the C isn't something she is doing for her own reasons and that at this point is something I'm asking her to do. I said that if it puts her out in some way, I could make up for it in some way.

We've been spending more time around each other. We spent a lot at easter. There was a point where she had decided to stay up and watch some TV with me. When we went to bed, I followed her for a moment and touched her arms to say good night. She stopped. I squeezed her arms. She said, "I'm so lonely." I didn't know what to say. I said, "Me too." That was dumb. I wish I had said, "How about a hug?" She would have turned around.

I learned a lot from our weekend together in terms of relationship issues that can be addressed. Having contact rather than strictly staying apart seems a lot more likely to lead to positive changes in our relationship at this point. W doesn't *want* postive changes in our relationship.

I see her again tonight. I plan to try asking her one of the questions my C suggested after the kids go to bed and see what happens.
_________________________
- All for the kids -
Me:34, W:35
M:7, T:13
S6, D3 + my D15 from previous marriage
July 2011 "I think I need a separation"
W filed D September
Currently living apart - she has the house, I rent a room

Top
#2236860 - 04/10/12 01:17 PM Re: (NA) Informally separated from WAW, but DBing my best [Re: AlwaysTrying]
AlwaysTrying Offline
Member

Registered: 10/26/11
Posts: 243
I feel stressed and panicky right now. W hasn't responded to my text, which probably means she is opting not to see the therapist alone.

I keep going over and over in my mind what to say and what not to say when we get a chance to talk alone tonight. How not to push but still encourage her to make the appointment.

Even before this, all morning I've felt this intense desire to reach out to her. It's distracting. I want her to hear how important it is to repair our family and how committed I am to bringing change to allow that to happen. I want to know what I can do right now to move us in the right direction.

I just need to take a moment and realize there are lots of things I already know about that I can do and focus on that.
_________________________
- All for the kids -
Me:34, W:35
M:7, T:13
S6, D3 + my D15 from previous marriage
July 2011 "I think I need a separation"
W filed D September
Currently living apart - she has the house, I rent a room

Top
#2236867 - 04/10/12 01:45 PM Re: (NA) Informally separated from WAW, but DBing my best [Re: AlwaysTrying]
AlwaysTrying Offline
Member

Registered: 10/26/11
Posts: 243
I want to ask her, "If we end up re-committing to our marriage, are you going to lose something?" "What do you have to lose by seeing the C with me?"
_________________________
- All for the kids -
Me:34, W:35
M:7, T:13
S6, D3 + my D15 from previous marriage
July 2011 "I think I need a separation"
W filed D September
Currently living apart - she has the house, I rent a room

Top
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