Belated Merry Christmas to all my friends of the boards.
I'd like to say I've been SO busy this past week that I just haven't had a minute. I'd LIKE to say that, but it wouldn't really be true! Things are going along in their usual ho hum fashion. I think ( hope ) I've found a new plateau in which I am sleeping better without medicinal aides. Only had one or two bad moments over the holiday, although I spent most of the time alone. Oldest D and her family came early for a couple of days, and then left on Friday. That was pretty much it. We had a present opening for the kids over at D25's house Thursday night, and that pretty much wrapped it up for me.
D25 says that on FB XH and wifey hosted a huge family Christmas at their Fab-u-lous new house. All the family. All the family I held together for him when he refused to have anything to do with them, and dreaded their visits. Sorry, spitting a sour grape out of my teeth. Not the daughters of course. He hasn't contacted them in some time, and that is probably for the best. My former home was supposed to close today from the auction, so that will be one thing less to worry about.
With that one sour note aside, I really didn't feel sad or lonely so much this year, but can't for the life of me remember what I did last year. Not a thing. Hmmm.
Looking forward to bigger and better the coming year. Starting to think of Spring and Home Improvement, such as I can accomplish on my living; but a can of paint can work wonders and doesn't cost that much.
ME: 54 Him: 51 M: 20 years T: 21 years OW/New wife: 36 Sons & Daughters: 7 (ages 24-36) Bomb: March 4, 2010 He Filed: April 28, 2010 I Contested: May 1, 2010 Standing Down: 11/24/10 Divorced : 05/04/2011
I had been told here that all is not as it seems in the MLCer new life. Lately, I've come to understand that's exactly right.
Everything that the MLCer does comes with a price tag. Not all of it monetary and it does catch up to them.
Why do you think ow/w posts those things on FB? I'd bet my farm it's in part hoping that you'll either see or get wind of it. Sounds like a very insecure woman to me, not to mention evil.
Keep doing what you're doing, Punkin. You have many choices in what you want your life to look like. I have no doubts that you'll make the most of it. You can't keep a good woman down.
Here's to the New Year filled with all kinds of possibilities my friend!
Punkin, I'm glad to see that you posted and your holiday went well. Glad to hear that you are now able to sleep w/o medicinal aides.
Nothing is as it appears. Sure your xh and wifey had a nice party, but look at all of the work, expense and yes, the effort that they had to put into it to be pleasant and make everyone thing that everything is perfect. Sure, parties are nice, but think about it...you are the one that held everything together in years past. This party was no walk in the park and believe me, it was posted so that you would see it. It's all about appearances w/them.
Punkin, you are right where you should be at this time...2012 will be an interesting year for you. You are in your new home and have plenty of projets to work on when spring comes calling. You, my dear, do not need to wear masks to prove that you are okay w/your life...you are as real as you can be and that, in my books, is wonderful!
Enjoy the rest of the holiday season. Happy New Year!
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Punkin, I don't know if this helps, but I have been incredibly cross for the last couple of days. I did have a wonderful Christmas, and I am truly glad that my xh had lunch on 28th December with his three sons. But, he has never ever, even after 6 years apologised to them for the hurt and pain he caused them by walking out on them and telling them they were never wanted, and that he never loved me.
He simply cannot see they show up to have lunch because they loved him. I stay out of their relationship, except to encourage them gently where possible to see him rather than not bother.
But would it be so very hard to say that he is sorry he hurt them. It would mean so much to them. It would have taken very little pressure by me for them never to have seen their father again. Sometimes being teh bigger person really really s*x.
So I am struggling with anger at the fact that he is having a walk on this.
And yes, I got to see them all and we had a great time. I don't normally get so cross, and can't quite see why this bugs me. you would think I had gotten used to it by now. Zero expectations on all fronts is the only way.
Before anyone jumps in, I am not going to allow any of this to spoil my New Year. I am just acknowledging a bit of undealt with rage in this safe forum, and then continuing to move on.
Bea, I understand what you are saying and it's difficult not to have some anger bubbling. It's difficult as a parent to see their children making the effort to love someone who has totally walked away from them for such a long period of time. I believe that one day, he may say he is sorry to them....BUT....it will be in his words and it will not come out as "I am sorry". He may say that he made many mistakes and one of them was distancing from them, etc.
Conflict avoiders have a very difficult time "owning" up to their mistakes and rather than do so, they sweep them under the rug or just ignore them.
Some day...all will be reveal to you and your family....
Enjoy the rest of your day. Happy New Year!
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
I am feeing less cross!! Yes he is a conflict avoider, and genuinely sees himself as the vicitm in all of this, abandoned and misunderstood by his family that he did everything for. Oh well.
Thanks Guys! I really hate feeling like a grouch, but I was never really able to get into this Christmas, and the party news just made it that much worse. Hopes for next year!
My friend just called and asked if I wanted to go to Casino and Dinner New Year's Eve. Told him we would play it by ear. I really don't have the cash to be pi&&ing it off in a Casino. Neither does he, for that matter, but he said he'd spare it for New Year's Eve. Hey, it's better than staying at home alone, right? I keep thinking of this old Carol Burnett sketch where she is home alone and her neighbors are throwing a party. She keeps going to their door to ask for ice, flour, etc., hoping for an invite. Doesn't happen.
I suppose what aggravates me the most is that it seems that all my D's and I are just at loose ends here, while he's the wonderful, wiggly Jello Mold of the family scene. We all know better, but it is still irritating.
Planning to start painting the kitchen tomorrow. Granny Smith Apple Green. How's that for bright?
punkin, I understand how you feel...you'll know tomorrow whether or not you want to go out in the evening, especially if you've been painting.
That color does sound bright! Are you doing white trim or some other color?
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Punkin I was in a discussion with people on the alt last night about the choice to not go out NYE...and it all was started from a very funny article someone posted on cracked.com which was about how NYE was the worst holiday of all for various reasons. The article is hysterical, and several of us talked about how it could be just as fun to stay home if you made your own party, either with someone or alone :-)I have been planning to stay home alone and just act like it's any other night of the last nearly 600 nights I've been alone, but my mom is actually coming down to visit tomorrow, so she'll be here. Likely she'll go to bed at 10:30 :-)
I know a few single people paying a lot of money to go to parties, like 150 bucks to get in, at hotels and stuff, and they are pinning all their hopes (and cash) on meeting some great guy who will be their soulmate. Talk about setting yourself up for a downfall!
Personally I don't think I can take standing in some place with a whole bunch of people doing the New Year's kiss, or having to be crowded out of a seat by all the "amateur drinkers", as a friend calls them.
I think what this means is that I'm finally embracing my inner crazy cat lady, ha ha!
But you know, go with your gut. If you want to go out, go out, but if you want to stay in, you can kick a*s at that venture too and you're in great company the world over!!
Good luck with your painting tomorrow. I'm sure it will look wonderful!
M45 Bomb 6/09; EA 6/10; Divorced 1/11 Proud single mom of 7 little feline girls and one little feline boy "Fall down 53 times. Get up 54." -- Zen saying
Hey guys. Day two of painting kitchen. Yes, it is bright, but cheerful. White trim, white cabinets. I am trying to focus on one room at a time in order to not get overwhelmed. Previous owners had redone kitchen with 3 vinyl/roll out windows, making of bank of windows of about 90 inches. That will be the big purchase. I am so tempted to do Plantation shutters. The depth is there, but I don't want to overwhelm the room .
Did go out to dinner last night, but just locally. Had a wonderful steak dinner. Rented two movies and went back to his house to watch them. Kiss at midnight and home by 12:30 A.M. What a wild woman I am.
My sleep patterns continue to improve, TG. I am still bothered by some old memories and such, but overall, have found myself smiling at them more recently than frowning. I know that No contact is Good contact with Xh, but truth is, I do still miss him. Don't know when that particular feeling will go away. I find I am also somewhat bothered by the fact that, financially, I have to remain single for the rest of my life, in order to continue with the benefits I have been awarded. Now, that doesn't mean that I'd spit in the face of true love, but, it does mean I have to give serious consideration to my continued security. I'm not a spring chicken, anymore. Oh yes, I know that doesn't mean I couldn't have a wonderful companion sort of relationship, marriage is just a piece of paper, who needs it, etc., etc. Just sayin' that on some inner, puritanical level, usually accompanied by the voice of my Mother, it bothers me.
