Everwhere is walking distance if you have the time

[ClingingToHope]

I'll be fine. Life soldiers on. I was at a party last night and a friend asked me how things were going. I told her about XW talking about her house troubles.

She said, "doesn't she realize it's not your job to save her. She fired you from that job."

That's a good way to look at it. She fired me.

Really, when you get down to the root of the problem. It's fear. She'd rather be broke and foreclosed on than be married to me. And that hurts and always will.

On the bright side, another dating opportunity popped up. This one through DateHookup.com -- completely free site. (I'm on several now, why dip a toe in, I just went all in)

A 41-year-old with one son at home, one on his own with a 2-month-old, so she's a grandma. But if her pix do her justice she's a hot grandma.

We've been messaging for a few days and I've already asked to take her to lunch. Hopefully this week.

So things are picking up. There was the Match lady last December, I was interested in Church_31, another Match lady was interested in me this summer but I wasn't and the lunch date with OKC. So things are moving along.

[ClingingToHope]

There have been so many cuts at the newspaper that I'm actually typing in real estate transactions. We had a great person doing it. Always on time. Always correct. Never a problem.

He didn't have a "high value" job though so we let him go.

The person assigned to do them now hates it, puts it at the bottom of the list of her other tasks and now we're five weeks behind.

I cover real estate. I can't really write about it unless I know what's going on. So I'm typing them in to help get caught up.

Funny, went to donate plasma (and earn a couple extra dollars) and my protein level was too low so I couldn't donate.

Hmmmm.

Having trouble just focusing on the now. I keep looking ahead to the spring when a lot of my financial things improve.

This morning, I called a local housing expert for a story on how Obama wants to tweak the refinancing program and make it easier for people who are underwater on their mortgages.

When I learned what I needed for the story I emailed the info on to XW. This program will help her, but she'll have to catch up on the mortgage. She'd let it fall behind in hopes of qualifying for a different program. Where she'll get the money??? Probably her mom.

I know it's not my problem anymore, but I decided to send her the basic info because when it comes down to it, I don't want the girls to have to go through the pain of a foreclosure. If XW can refinance then she'll be able to stay there at least a couple more years.

I'll just have to put up with the pain of some other guy in my house when that day comes.

GM, I've tweaked my profile several times and now it seems to be getting some responses. Funny, the DateHookup lady right away began asking questions about my failed marriage. I don't have a perfected short version yet. I guess I could use the "we grew apart" line, which is crap. Really, I lost her to depression, but that takes explaining.

I also have a couple of emails waiting for me in Cupid.com, but I have to pay $40 to read them. I really don't want to spend the money, but I want to read them. I keep going back and forth.

Back to typing.

[kml]

Funny, the DateHookup lady right away began asking questions about my failed marriage.

I'm always interested in this, since I want to know if A) a guy cheated on his wife (a dealbreaker for me) or B) if the guy is an alcoholic or drug abuser (also a dealbreaker for me).

[awest1217]

CTH-
What did you learn about the refinancing? I have also been watching it because I have been trying to refinance since before XH left and couldn't because of the flipped mortgage. I have never been late on a payment and actually pay a little extra each month. Is this something that is going to help me?

In the D, I have until 2014 to refinance, but if I can do it sooner that will help me financially because of the lower interest rate.

Thanks!

[ClingingToHope]

AWEST "I have never been late on a payment and actually pay a little extra each month. Is this something that is going to help me?"

The adjusted HARP could help you. It depends on what entity "owns" your loan. I don't mean who sends you the bill or where you got the mortgage, but who owns it.

Most banks, once they complete a loan sell it right away. Where I live most of the loans are sold to Fannie Mae or Freddie Mac or to the FHA.

Obama's program only concerns loans owned or guaranteed by Fannie Mae or Freddie Mac.

For example, my (old) loan was taken out from a local bank. They sold the servicing rights to GMAC. GMAC sold the loan to Fannie Mae. GMAC is the servicer. Fannie Mae is the investor.

So you need to call your loan servicer (whoever sends you the bill) and ask if the loan is owned by Fannie Mae or Freddie Mac.

If it is a Fannie or Freddie loan, then ask them when and how can you take advantage of the HARP changes. The new rules for HARP go into effect mid November. If you haven't missed a payment and the loan was created before 2009 then you should qualify.

[ClingingToHope]

Yesterday was one of the best days I've "felt" in a long time.

DateHookup lady and I messaged several times. A date will be happening soon. We were going to talk on phone -- she gave me her number, but then she didn't pick up.

Still, it looks promising.

D12 has been asking a lot of questions about boy-girl stuff. Ahh 7th grade. I called up a Facebook friend that I had a huge crush on in 7th grade and showed D12. I told her I was too chicken to say anything.

D12 looked at her and said, "wow, she's beautiful." And she is.

Then the conversation turned to how certain people find you attractive. I told her it seems as if medium-height, brown-eyed, brunettes like my type. All of my girlfriends were brunettes (including XW) except for two blondes. I wasted a lot of nights chasing after blondes. DateHookup though is a blonde.

D12 asked me why boys do certain things. I said, well, boys are stupid sometimes. I called up one of the two blondes on Facebook -- I'm still friends with both -- and told D12, "I was really stupid. I broke up with this one."

The blonde was the county fair queen here and went on to be a model and she's still gorgeous.

D12 look at her and says, "yeah dad. That was dumb."

I had the girls for the night. D9 was great until it was time to turn off the TV and then she started going down the wrong path. I got her to sleep though and today she was excited to go to school because she has Tae Kwon Do class. I went to the class. D9 follows rules, is polite, is patient and works hard.

This may be the thing that she loves. We've been trying to find "it" for years.

Another conversation with D12. She says her ex boyfriend (she's 12, I can't believe I'm typing this line) won't talk to her.

I told her rejection is a hard thing to get over. Look at XW and me. I asked her how I look when XW is around.

She said, "When mom gets here you look angry or sad."

I told her it's going to take time for me to get past the rejection, and I've been through it before. Her ex-boyfriend (stomach tied in knots again) probably never has.

XW did come over again last night. D12 had to decorate a cake at her house. I just felt fine for once. I'll admit knowing much of the "grass is greener" things haven't panned out how she dreamed helps.

I am on the upswing. I know it. I see it. I feel it. Ten years from now I think I'll look back with pride on these years. I didn't let this beat me.

[kml]

Ten years from now I think I'll look back with pride on these years. I didn't let this beat me.

Amen!

Having come out the other side - I feel proud that I got past the shock and despair, to create this happy FUN life I have now! Cute boyfriend, playing drums in a rock band, nice new house .....life is sooo good. I feel peace knowing how hard I tried to save my marriage, joy in all the personal growth that came out of that experience (thanks to this board!), and excitement to see what the future will bring.

[awest1217]

Thanks CTH! I am 99% sure mine is FHA so won't help me.

Prepare now because with D12 and boys...it is only the beginning.

[whatisis]

I think it comes in waves, CTH. As time goes on and you do the work the waves even out. Glad to hear you're feeling so positive at the moment!

[ClingingToHope]

Yes. Nice even wave this weekend. I know deep down part of it is because XW hasn't found someone yet. That I have to let go of.

Just me and the girls for the weekend -- no sleepovers. They just vegged Friday night and Saturday morning. So Saturday afternoon we went to the mall to Christmas shop.

It's going to be easy this year. A Nintendo 3DS for them to share, a couple of games. Some small stuff animals for D9 and then just split the rest of the money I've budgeted into gift cards at clothing stores.

They are really into the clothes now and I can't afford to buy them stuff all year so gift cards so they can do their own shopping spree will be the way to go.

We were at the mall for six hours. I was more exhausted doing that than after lifting weights for an hour. Strange.

Last night I reached out to a friend of mine in real estate to ask him to look into buying my old house if XW loses it in foreclosure. He buys a lot of houses through foreclosure and then rents them.

I just want him to see if he could get it at a low enough price that he could rent it to me at the same price I'm paying now.

It's a long, long shot, but worth pursuing. I'd love for the girls to be able to have their childhood home until they left for college.

XW likely would be very mad though.