Everwhere is walking distance if you have the time

[ClingingToHope]

I agree. The chapter on Internet Marrieds in Micro Trends said the married couples that did meet online averaged 10 dates with different people until they found the "one."

Now, that might be a little inflated because Internet dating is more popular as you get into the bigger cities. Still, the likelihood is that OKC is not "the one."

Yes. Perhaps I should recategorize it as a meeting.

Worked a football game last night and then met a couple of friends for drinks. Both are very new friends from this summer and they started dating. They were with a group of coworker's from the guy's job.

They wanted to introduce me to one of them. She is a huge sports fan but also very shy and plain looking. I was nice to her but I didn't feel any spark. Still, it was fun to talk Duke (her team) vs. Kentucky (my team) and his coworker's are crazy. They were mixing vodka, whisky, energy drinks, drinking wine.

They all work for the biggest hospital system in town and like to blow their money.

I alternated between beer and water (not feeling great) and watched the action.

[ClingingToHope]

Good weekend. Made it out with one set of friends Friday. Made it out with another on Saturday. Had too much to drink though -- first time in a while I did that.

Sunday I was pretty wiped out and just laid around -- except for taking D9 to church in the morning. She called me and asked if she could go so it was bonus time.

Thursday meeting with OKC is still on. The friends I was out with on Saturday called up the site on their phone so they could see her picture. It was fun.

Weird XW thoughts still pop up each day, but I'm not obsessing nearly as much. Likely, that's the diversion of OKC, but hey it buys more healing time.

Right now, my biggest concern is staying on task with all of the various projects -- books, blogs, regular job and cleaning.

[whatisis]

How'd the date go, CTH?

[ClingingToHope]

The date/meeting went OK. We're going to do lunch again in a couple of weeks then try to do a regular date. Life is complicated with kids. She has hers Saturday through Tuesday night. She has Wednesdays, Thursdays and Fridays off.

I have my girls every Wednesday and work lots of Fridays.

It was awkward. She seemed really apprehensive. Her divorce was fast. Filed last June. Done in January. Her deal was he was never around. He always worked second shift and they never saw each other. I got her to laugh a few times.

We'll see. It felt good to get it out of the way.

[whatisis]

Yup, that's what dating is all about, getting it over with

[ClingingToHope]

Journaling

XW is in Texas for a work thing this week so I've had the girls all week. D9's issues at school boiled over and we had a special meeting Tuesday and decided to put her back in special ed. She's just not socially, mentally ready for the regular class.

As soon as she got back into a class with far fewer kids and less time constraints, she calmed down. She's WANTED to go to school past two days.

D12 is having boy issues -- she had a boyfriend, found out it wasn't as great as she thought it would be. She wants one of the "cute" guys. Oh the drama.

Had to talk to XW a couple of times about all of this.

Some down moments. Girls are now used to life where they spend most of time with XW. They miss her. That hurts a little, but I'm comforted by the fact that all of the research shows a girl's self-confidence is derived from her relationship with her dad.

They are only with me 45 percent of the time, but I matter.

Couple twinges of pain. D9 wanted to go to a dress store after school yesterday. She likes trying them on. She told the lady she wants to look for when her mom gets remarried because she's sure she'll be in the wedding. That hurts. Also, D12 has been talking more about how to get in shape. She says XW is doing the workout videos that helped her get down to a size 4 after D9 was born. She looked awesome. I told D12 that those tapes work, but if she doesn't want to do them fine, just figure out something else. Still, the reverie of how good XW looked then stuck in my mind.

Messaging with OKC has dropped way, way off. I'm going to see if she'd like to do lunch again next week. If yes, keep going, if no, move on.

Running race this weekend, but they only need us one day, Sunday. That's bad. I needed the full $350 for my auto insurance. Money issues are mounting.

Match.com subscription ran out. I'm going to reup, if for anything else just out of habit. It's nice to go on there each day and look around.

I'll wait until Friday though.

I think overall I'm just impatient. Money issues will be easier by February, March. I'll be able to wipe out some bills. I just keep wanting something to happen. It's hard to just be still. I'm better at it. But it's hard.

[ClingingToHope]

Yes. My brain is swirling when it comes to that. I've had six serious relationships in my life. All were beautiful. All were very smart except for XW. Looking back, it's not like I said to myself, "this one, she's the keeper. She's everything I want."

It really was more of a we were going out, she's beautiful which fed my vanity, I'm in my mid-20s and felt it was time, she's nice, and I thought I could make the issues work.

Having the girls around so much this week is a struggle because XW comes up constantly. Either through something they are doing, some other memory or the phone rings and she's calling to talk to them.

I sent OKC a message today through Facebook about lunch next week, she responded within minutes, and we're going to try to set something up. If that works well, I think I'll actually CALL her to set up a real date. The modern progression.

Funny thing on the Match subscription, now that it's run out all of the people I clicked to not see again are back. So I went through my mutual matches and voila, XW is a 98 percent match. That being said, when you look at reverse match, she's not in my top 15 pages, so according to Match, she's not looking for someone like me. That makes sense.

She's changed photos. The one she picked looked better. By clicking on it, of course she'll see that I've looked at her profile. Oh well.

Last thing about having girls over so much. They are always coming up with reasons to go to the house. Over there tonight and notice a stack of bills. Yes. I went through them. She's falling into a big hole. That isn't surprising. She buried me in debt before we broke up. Letter next to the bills -- worksheet on Chapter 13 bankruptcy.

Unfortunately, I felt a sense of peace after reading it. Grass isn't greener. I then felt bad for feeling good.

I really hate to be over there.

[whatisis]

CTH, going over your past and why you married who you married is a nice exercise periodically but keep in mind that just as the WAS re-writes history, so do we. You will never be able to go over that history in an objective manner, never! Hey, you loved her, you married her and life did what it sometimes does. End of story! The person we marry is never the same person who left us, betrayed us etc. They change, just as we all do. We all try to figure it out so we won't make the same mistakes again but, on the whole, it's pretty much a limited value exercise. You did what you did because that's what you needed at the time. Now, you are someone different. Figure out who you are and what you need now...and beauty is nice but keep in mind that it is often a curse too as it can blind us from seeing things of greater importance, good and bad, in the other person. Just keep that in mind while you search.

[mishka422]

I'm so relieved for your D that you were able to have her put into special education. That more individualized approach can only benefit her.

Ok....my own little 2x4 here....did I read that correctly? You were at your XW's house picking up something the girls had left there while she is out of town and SNOOPED through her mail? You don't consider that a major invasion of privacy? How would you feel about her doing the same thing? Before you do anything, shouldn't your though always be "how would I feel on the receiving end of this action?"?

As an example, when XH and I were still M'd, I would always just open all the mail regardless of who's name was on it. It didn't matter, we were married. Now, we are D'd but live together, we have a R, but I would never dream of doing anything other than moving his mail from one counter to another. Never, ever would I look at it if it were open or open it for him. NO WAY. Major invasion.

Some of the most beautiful (externally) people I have ever met have been the most shallow, uncaring, snotty people! They rely on their looks to move them through life and don't have to work at being a worthy human being. Physical attraction is definitely imperative, but it's what is on the inside that melts our hearts and causes love to grow. If that weren't the case there would be a lot of lonely people in the world!

[kat727]

I never opend my ex's mail when we were married. Maybe I was too trusting then but if my name wasn't on it, I didn't open it.

I so agree with Mish. Alot of the "beautiful" people are lacking in character. Looks fade my friend, internal beauty usually grows. I am not a knock out by any means but I will say that the guys that only chased after the hot chicks were never of interest to me. You might want to think about why that matters to you so much.

kat