Can I save my marriage? (long; please be patient)

[MadeToSucceed]

Uggghhhh...LOL.

Fine. I'll stick my nose back in a book, work out, go to class tonight and keep on trucking. Just needed a little bit of that "don't do it" reinforcement. LOL.

[a girl]

You're doing great! Remember, your instincts are not always correct in this case - keep the "don't pursue" rule in mind, and if you get an urge you know you shouldn't, come here so we can talk you out of it!

[♪CS♪]

I definitely am trying to find more church activities to get into. My biggest issue right now is that I'm in graduate school so I have night class 8-10pm Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday. I was in a men's group that met every Wed night until summer started. Luckily I'll get to get back into that on August 3rd. I'm involved in Big Brothers Big Sisters but even that has been difficult because my Little often asks about W. We joined as a Big Couple. I don't want to let my Little down so I continue trying to be there for him even though W hasn't contacted him in months now.

mgm, this is great stuff.

The Big Brother thing is awesome.

Anything else out there you have been wanting to do?

Have you kept football in your life since college?

Do you think you would enjoy coaching a youth league or something similar?

This is a great time to really think about what you like, and want to do in your life, regardless of what happens in your M.

Often we get so wrapped up in the R, we put other things on the back burner.

In M life or single life, having activities we enjoy are important.

I've found myself also questioning whether or not I'm just masking by activities.

Not at all. While I do agree part of the GAL is you take your mind off of things, it serves another purpose.

It reminds us we are an individual. That we have our own interests and talents.

Hope all is well.

[MadeToSucceed]

a girl - Thanks for the encouragement.

CS - I kind of want to take some cooking classes believe it or not. I've always enjoyed cooking and wanted to take some classes at a local Whole Foods or something just for the fun of it. Gonna work on smoking some different foods too this weekend maybe.

I've kept football in my life but I'm pretty conflicted about football now given the OM is in the NFL. I was actually a huge fan OM prior to all of this and even enjoyed rooting on his team because a couple of my college teammates play with him but I'd be lying if I said my entire mood is kind of soured to the game now. It honest to God has been tough for me to watch ESPN...and as a man that loves the game and sports in general, that's tough for me but I'm trying to get back into it. Especially now that the lockout has ended. I want to find a flag football league to get involved with maybe.

Today was interesting in that I've been thinking all along our next court date is September 12th when we meet with the mediator - I was wrong. We meet on October 19th. I guess that's a good thing because it "buys me more time" to see how this thing continues to play out. That being said the August 5th move out date still looms and she hasn't circled back to say whether or not she's ok with me staying longer.

She didn't contact me today and I didn't contact her but I did find out an interesting tidbit. I have a good friend of mine who also runs track. I'm in his wedding in November and he said last night he messaged my W and asked her if she wanted her maiden name on her invitation to the wedding. He said she responded this morning and said "No. Leave it as my married name. I think I'll still be my married name." Or it went something like that. I know...I know. Don't read too much into it. It could just meant she didn't expect it to be D by the time she receives the invitation. My friend (who knows the details of our sitch) just said he found her response to be interesting.

I guess I'll just go ahead and try to get some rest. Here lately I haven't been sleeping well...really the past 2 or 3 nights because her recent behavior has my mind racing. Trying to remain strong and holdout from messaging her until she contacts me. Tough because she's traveling from one country to another and I typically like to wish her well or send her a prayer but I suppose I can pray for her to myself just as easily as I could with her knowing/participating/allowing me to pray for her.

[♪CS♪]

The cooking and flag football sound great.

This is the perfect time to pursue the "I've always wanted to" stuff.

It will help you find yourself again. Your confidence. Your happiness. Your passion for life.

I understand not rooting for OM. No way I am going to ask you to do that!

But don't let him take the game from you, or your love of sports in general.

That gives him power, and takes it from you.

Give yourself the power.

[MadeToSucceed]

W messaged me at 1:30am to let me know about her travel itinerary. She was about to take off and had a connecting flight before her final destination.

Me: Thanks for telling me. I appreciate you doing that. Hope you travel safe (and your bags too) and I hope you're feeling better than you were the other day.

W: I hope so too. I'm ok. Just taking my time.

Me: Take all the time you need.

She messaged me when she took off, landed at her connection and then again at her final destination.

Me: Glad to hear that. Doing well I hope.
W: I'm ok. Thanks.

And here's where I may have regressed and gone too "melty man."

Me: There are a couple of bills that came that I am going to try to research for you. Maybe Monday we can go over them but I just wanted you to know I'll help you make sure things are in order. Just want you to be able to focus on your meet. I also want you to know that I appreciate you W. I read this this morning and thought of you. Believe in yourself b/c He is in you and working in you and for you. I hope I haven't disrupted your day and hopefully your bags made it safely. I pray you have a great day. #BeEncouraged Philippians 2:13 For God is working in you, giving you the desire and the power to do what pleases him.

I mentioned the bills thing because she gets very stressed about them since she is not home. I used to control and take care of everything but with her closing the accounts, I don't have the access to the funds that I used to. She read my message and never responded. Could be because she had just landed and is getting her bags and stuff. Could be because I overwhelmed her. Feel kind of like I took a step back in a sense but I was trying to address some of her concerns and give her a little comfort...maybe I just laid it on too thick...or maybe I'm completely over analyzing. I'm not sure.

[Starsky309]

W messaged me at 1:30am to let me know about her travel itinerary. She was about to take off and had a connecting flight before her final destination.

Me: Thanks for telling me. I appreciate you doing that. Hope you travel safe (and your bags too) and I hope you're feeling better than you were the other day.

W: I hope so too. I'm ok. Just taking my time.

Me: Take all the time you need.

She messaged me when she took off, landed at her connection and then again at her final destination.

Me: Glad to hear that. Doing well I hope.
W: I'm ok. Thanks.

And here's where I may have regressed and gone too "melty man." . . .

That's funny, cuz I thought the part you already WROTE there was the part where you'd gone too "melty man."


Sorry, but I don't think yer gettin' it so far, mgm. Maybe someone else can try to explain it better, but your wife needs to see some AUTHENTICITY from you, some "Middle ground" between her perceived bad-marital-you and this new "Nice Passive Guy" that she's suddenly seeing.

[Starsky309]

I mentioned the bills thing because she gets very stressed about them since she is not home. I used to control and take care of everything but with her closing the accounts, I don't have the access to the funds that I used to. She read my message and never responded. Could be because she had just landed and is getting her bags and stuff. Could be because I overwhelmed her. Feel kind of like I took a step back in a sense but I was trying to address some of her concerns and give her a little comfort...maybe I just laid it on too thick...or maybe I'm completely over analyzing. I'm not sure.

Most likely, she sees this as coming across as "pursuing," "pressure," and "holier-than-thou." Not that that's FAIR, but I guaran-damn-tee you that she's perceiving it that way.

STOP SMOTHERING HER.


Starsky

[♪CS♪]

Sorry, but I don't think yer gettin' it so far, mgm. Maybe someone else can try to explain it better

Oh come on Starsky, you know this [censored] takes time.

How long did you put up with me?

I think you even said "I give up" at one point.

But you didn't.

[MadeToSucceed]

I mentioned the bills thing because she gets very stressed about them since she is not home. I used to control and take care of everything but with her closing the accounts, I don't have the access to the funds that I used to. She read my message and never responded. Could be because she had just landed and is getting her bags and stuff. Could be because I overwhelmed her. Feel kind of like I took a step back in a sense but I was trying to address some of her concerns and give her a little comfort...maybe I just laid it on too thick...or maybe I'm completely over analyzing. I'm not sure.

Most likely, she sees this as coming across as "pursuing," "pressure," and "holier-than-thou." Not that that's FAIR, but I guaran-damn-tee you that she's perceiving it that way.

STOP SMOTHERING HER.


Starsky

So me not being the one to reach out to HER since last Thursday (I know that's not "long" but it's a start for me) and this being the only real thing I've said that is "pursuing" since then is me smothering her? Hell she's been the one reaching out to me...I think this is just the first time I've actually responded in that kind of detail...and that's why I posted it here...to see if what I perceived could've been my flaw in a moment of "weakness" was in fact something that I need to avoid going forward...or even to establish how I can potentially gain some ground back from this course of action that I took.