The other issue I have devoted a lot of thinking to is the oft cited idea that many, many people have heard from their spouse "I love you, but I am not in love with you." This was prior to my days on her and luckily I didn't start thinking about it because my W said it to me. She has never said that to me.
What got me thinking about a year ago I started to wonder if I was still "in love" with my W. I thought about it often. I mean I knew I loved her. We had a deep connection for nearly 20 years. She was everything I wanted in a wife, but was I "in love" with her and what did it really mean to be "in love." I was attracted to her physically, she made me laugh like no on else, I enjoyed spending time with her, we had a similar outlook on life, she was truly my best friend. But what did those things mean with respect to being "in love"?
My conclusion may surprise some. I decided that it didn't matter. I loved my wife and that was all I needed to feel.
I think the idea of being "in love" is some artificial distinction that usually on comes up when someone wants to soften the blow of a breakup. what does in mean? sexual attraction? well that's different. Butterflies in the stomach feeling? We know that doesn't last.
I mean when you are dating do you think about telling your SO. "Hey, I'm in love with you?" No, you say "I love you."
So i cringe when I hear the ILYBINILWY. If my W ever said that to me I'd say "what does that even mean?" I think it also reflect a notion that love is not a choice.
Patience is bitter, but its fruit is sweet. --Jean Jacques Rousseau.
Harrier you have a point. I think of "in love" and I think: lust/addiction that burns out.
BITS Me-51, WAS-52 Kids 2 M-26yrs, H.left 2009, 2 more Bomb drops, Reconnection spring 2013 Change is inevitable, personal growth is a choice. Love is a action and choice you make, every day.
