The one thing I will say about a boundary is this.
If you do not clearly express what the boundary is, and just assume that they should KNOW what it is,(And yes reasonable people should KNOW that sleeping with another person while married (legally) despite wishing or wanting to the contrary, will have repurcussions, but we aren't dealing with reasonable people anymore) you're being...passive aggresive/ a non-confrontational whimp/ @$$hat...pick one.
Defining the boundary is just as important as following through with the consequences of having one.
Once established? Let her turn her hands bloody pounding on the walls of it, if she cannot abide by the rules of it.
Experience is a brutal teacher, but you learn. My God, do you learn. - C.S. Lewis
Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B. - Jack3Beans
Listen without defending; Speak without offending - FaithinAK
Denver, JMO, but I would not send it as an attachment to an email. I would use snail mail. I don't know what a proof of delivery signature would do in your case, but I would use one.
I don't understand the level of need for this information.
Good Luck, You're in my prayers. I am sorry you are going through this. If it is any consolation I am learning from it also.
BITS Me 55, ACK, when did that happen? Doesn't feel like 55 D 30 S 27
You create your own universe as you go along - Winston Churchill
I usually do my taxes at 11PM at night on June 2nd and only then but I have to get them done by midnight or my return turns to coal. I see why she is desperate for a response. Just saying...........
I usually do my taxes at 11PM at night on June 2nd and only then but I have to get them done by midnight or my return turns to coal. I see why she is desperate for a response. Just saying...........
You too? Heck that's a lot more common than I thought then.
If you set a boundary do it right, or don't become upset when it fails.
Experience is a brutal teacher, but you learn. My God, do you learn. - C.S. Lewis
Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B. - Jack3Beans
Listen without defending; Speak without offending - FaithinAK
I usually do my taxes at 11PM at night on June 2nd and only then but I have to get them done by midnight or my return turns to coal. I see why she is desperate for a response. Just saying...........
What I have done is simply put an appropriate subject (in your case: "tax info"), put nothing in the body, and attached the file.
Just did that Kaffe.
M 43 X 38 T 13 W moves out of home 11/2010 Roller coaster from hell 2/2011-5/2012 I request divorce 5/2012 W moves home 6/2012 Good time 7/2012 - 1/2015 I leave 3/2016 process of divorce
I don't understand the level of need for this information.
I don't either. I kind of doubt that it is something that she needs right away. My guess is that it is just a reason to contact me.
It certainly isn't at the level of needing to call me 35 times straight last night. That much I know for certain.
M 43 X 38 T 13 W moves out of home 11/2010 Roller coaster from hell 2/2011-5/2012 I request divorce 5/2012 W moves home 6/2012 Good time 7/2012 - 1/2015 I leave 3/2016 process of divorce
If you set a boundary do it right, or don't become upset when it fails.
Have I not set my boundary correctly? I don't know Jack, it seems that I was pretty clear with her on Tuesday:
"I'm removing myself from the equation W."
"But I simply can't continue fighting under these circumstances. I think that if you really think about it, you will understand. At least I hope so. I don't hate you. I love you. I always will."
"Go be happy with OM W. I'm not saying or doing anything to stop you. I'm removing our marriage as plan B for you. You have not been fair or honest."
"I do NOT want this W! But I REFUSE to live in an open marriage. The last thing in the world that I want is for you and SS to not be a part of my life. I do not want this. I've said it for 6 months. How many times to I have to say it and in how many ways for you to understand that? You are leaving me with no choice at this point. No choice! How could you even respect me if I didn't walk away at this point? How could I respect myself?"
"I just didn't realize that give you space and time to figure out if you could forgive me meant that you'd be f'ing someone else in the meantime. Sorry, but I'm not okay with that."
"I know that I can't control you. I'm not even trying to. But I deserved to know so taht I could make decisions regarding my life accordingly. Now I know. And now I'm going to move on. I want to be married. I want a family. I want someone who loves me and wants my love. That is no longer you."
"what I'm saying is that I'm unwilling to continue fighting for you under these circumstances. It is too painful. I don't think that it is fair to me. It isn't fair to SS. and frankly, it isn't fair to OM. I'm going to let you live your life without me in it. And I'm going to do what I can to heal from all of this and move on."
"No, that is where my boundary is. I am not okay with that. I will not live in an open marriage. I do not think that you need to date OP to sort through things. It's been 6 months and I haven't."
"I'm not asking you for anything. I don't want anything from you. I'm not trying to convince you of anything and I'm not trying to get you to do anything. I am moving on with my life. I don't want anything from you at this point. I'm shutting the door on our marriage."
M 43 X 38 T 13 W moves out of home 11/2010 Roller coaster from hell 2/2011-5/2012 I request divorce 5/2012 W moves home 6/2012 Good time 7/2012 - 1/2015 I leave 3/2016 process of divorce
If you set a boundary do it right, or don't become upset when it fails.
Have I not set my boundary correctly? I don't know Jack, it seems that I was pretty clear with her on Tuesday:
"I'm removing myself from the equation W."
"But I simply can't continue fighting under these circumstances. I think that if you really think about it, you will understand. At least I hope so. I don't hate you. I love you. I always will."
"Go be happy with OM W. I'm not saying or doing anything to stop you. I'm removing our marriage as plan B for you. You have not been fair or honest."
"I do NOT want this W! But I REFUSE to live in an open marriage. The last thing in the world that I want is for you and SS to not be a part of my life. I do not want this. I've said it for 6 months. How many times to I have to say it and in how many ways for you to understand that? You are leaving me with no choice at this point. No choice! How could you even respect me if I didn't walk away at this point? How could I respect myself?"
"I just didn't realize that give you space and time to figure out if you could forgive me meant that you'd be f'ing someone else in the meantime. Sorry, but I'm not okay with that."
"I know that I can't control you. I'm not even trying to. But I deserved to know so taht I could make decisions regarding my life accordingly. Now I know. And now I'm going to move on. I want to be married. I want a family. I want someone who loves me and wants my love. That is no longer you."
"what I'm saying is that I'm unwilling to continue fighting for you under these circumstances. It is too painful. I don't think that it is fair to me. It isn't fair to SS. and frankly, it isn't fair to OM. I'm going to let you live your life without me in it. And I'm going to do what I can to heal from all of this and move on."
"No, that is where my boundary is. I am not okay with that. I will not live in an open marriage. I do not think that you need to date OP to sort through things. It's been 6 months and I haven't."
"I'm not asking you for anything. I don't want anything from you. I'm not trying to convince you of anything and I'm not trying to get you to do anything. I am moving on with my life. I don't want anything from you at this point. I'm shutting the door on our marriage."
432 words (yes, I counted), and you claim that you're not trying to convince her of anything? LOL
And those are just the edited highlights!
Any boundary (or two) that can't be stated in 50 words or less, you're only going to come across as fuzzy at worst, and PURSUING and/or CONTROLLING at worst, Denver.
