It's a Monday. It's a new week. Time for a new thread. My old thread has exceeded 100 posts. Links to the old thread appear above.
Rode the bike this morning for 8.6 mi. W drops off son before work. I barely got my S on the bus. He had to run this morning. It was partially my fault. I felt bad.
Feeling a lot of mixed emotions today. Feeling sad about missing my W. I'm also feeling angry about what my W is doing to our family. Then I'll switch back to trying to be understanding and realizing I need to have some patience. It's only been 9 days since my W moved out. I can't realistically expect her to miss me yet. It's all too new right now.
I am continuing to work on the GAL activities. I am supposed to have a softball game tonight. Hopefully the field will be in shape to play. I am starting a new Healing Relationships class at my church tomorrow night. Unfortunately, I have my S, so he's going to get slighted a little bit on Tuesday evenings where I have him. I need to drum up some stuff for this weekend. I have a lot of stuff that needs to be done around the house, but I'm really feeling the need to integrate some fun activities with other people. I won't have my S this coming weekend.
I get home from work today and there's a document open on the computer. It's one my S put together called "Poor me".
I'll cut & paste it right here:
Why
What did I do? Did I really deserve this? Oh why? I hate this,what should I do? It feels like love is prohibited... What should I do
If I didn't do any thing,why did this happen?
Help me end this war of LOVE... just please?
Why me? My mom left, I get bullied, I get made fun of, everything bad happens to me. But... Why me?
Don't go!
Do not leave me I hate this Why did you have to move? I told you once Don't go!
Very upsetting...
I don't know if he printed this off and gave it to my W. It looks like he did. I texted her and asked if he gave her any sort of document - she hasn't responded. He is with her tonight...
This really breaks my heart and ticks me off all at the same time!! Obviously he needs some counseling, too.
That is heart Breaking. I don't even know what to say. Brought tears to me.
Atleast he is writing what he feels. His way of telling you. It was not left there by accident.
Counseling he needs for sure. Use this in a positive way.
How are your church groups. I am relatively new to the church, 6 months or so, and have been thinking about going to a life group. I am just not sure what to expect. I have a hard time talking about things, even with the church
BITS
M:34 W:28 SD:9 D:6 (pr) M:3 T:6 Separated 1/16/11 ILYBNILWY 10/25/10 PA discovered 11/12/10, began about 10/1/10
I am not who I was, I am being remade, I am new...
Islander, my church groups have been fantastic. They have really taken care of me. It just happens to be a very caring and loving church. I am going to a new one tomorrow night. I believe I was led to my church for a reason.
I like the church that I go to. It is great. I am just nervous I guess about going to something new. I need to get over it. I hope time will help me with that. Or maybe I should just do it. Thanks
BITS
M:34 W:28 SD:9 D:6 (pr) M:3 T:6 Separated 1/16/11 ILYBNILWY 10/25/10 PA discovered 11/12/10, began about 10/1/10
I am not who I was, I am being remade, I am new...
I never did hear back from my W about the letter. I called her and left a VM. She called me back within 5 minutes.
He did give her the letter. She admitted to having a hard time getting through the letter. They talked through it. He seemed to be doing a lot better.
However, he did ask her why she doesn't just move back. She told him that wasn't possible, wasn't an option. She said to me "y'know?". I just replied with "gotcha". We didn't talk any more about the R than that.
She agreed we need to keep our options open as far as counseling for our S. She asked him about and he said he didn't want to talk anyone.
This single Dad stuff can be challenging. My W dropped off my S this morning before school so he could catch the bus. He walked in and I had his favorite music playing. He caught the bus in plenty of time - he didn't have to run like he had to yesterday. I waited to shower until after he caught the bus. That means I got into the office pretty late. I guess I will get it together eventually - I just have to establish my routine.
I am on an even keel right now. It was actually nice to talk to my W about our S last night, despite the sadness he was expressing. I think it was good we took the time to talk about it last night.
I got a call from W when I was on my home from work. She talked to my S and offered to take him to school with her to work on some things for the book fair. He was originally going to go with me to a group at church and he was going to just hang out there while I was in my group. He was originally supposed to spend the night with me, but I think my W and I agreed that all he would be doing is coming home and going to bed. Anyway I am going to someone's house on Thursday and he wants to come along for that, and it's her night, so I think it balances out.
The church group was interesting. A lot of divorced people in the group. There were also some people who are currently separated. It really should be good group. Everyone from church has been very supportive in what I'm going through right now.
Another day. Nothing too exciting so far, and that's a good thing. W stops by the house with S to get dressed for school. I am working from home today. I was able to be positive and upbeat for the most part. I got a little irritated with her when my S was taking too long and she asked me if could take him to school.
At least she didn't stop by to talk about the D the whole time.
Spent the evening with my S. We made dinner together and played his Hot Wheels Wii game until it was time for him to go to bed. We did get on a conversation about my W moving out. It probably wasn't as PC as it should have been from my side. He asked me why I let this happen and I told him I didn't let it happen. So he started drawing some conclusions. I started to zip it up at that point.
I have to confess with her moving out it does make my mind tend to wander toward what a plan B may look like, i.e. OW. I fight that from time to time. I have always been able to pull myself back thus far. I am still keeping my guard up. It just makes it a little harder to keep fighting sometimes.
