"Love knows no limit to its endurance, no end to its trust, no fading of its hope; it can outlast anything. Love still stands when all else has fallen.”
Had my 7th DB session today and I will share with you guys what we talked about tonight when I get home.
Nice take on Love 2step. Just when there is sometimes little hope left you throw that out there.
Its a good thing i guess but sometimes you get tired of spinning your wheels while she tests the future with someone else.
I sometimes wonder if this is just a hiccup for us or the beginning for her and OM.
Time as always will tell.
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BITS M-46 W-42 M-16y T-19 y s10 s15 BombDec.19/09 Sep-F16/10 Sep Papers signed by W- June 30/10 Recon July 5/10 PA foundOut- Oct 30/10 Mental HospNov/10 moved out Nov/10 Leg Sep Mar 15/11
Ok so as promised i will begin this thread with highlights with my DB couch. Did I mention she was awesome?
I spent 27 minutes of the convo just catching her up on the all that has happened since last we spoke. Here is some of the points DB couch made............
1. Don't go dark on W. Reach out to her on occasion just to say hello, contact her more often.
2. Her comment of always saying "I don't want to give you false hope" steams a lot from her making sure I am paying attention. For a long time she did not feel valued or listened to in the M so now that she knows she has my attention she wants to keep it.
3. Generally no R talk but don't necessarily avoid it if she goes into it.
4. Start replacing negative memories with positive memories.
Those are some of the key points.
So based on that information I went ahead and called W yesterday evening. I wanted to talk to her about taxes and this is how that exchange went.
W: Hey you called?
M: Yeah guess what I got in the mail today?
W: Whats that?
M: I got a letter from the IRS saying we are debt free
W: Really? That is great
M: I am very happy right now
W: Isn't that better than owing the IRS money
M: For sure
W: Now that we got rid of that debt I have to figure out how to get rid of the other 15k I owe in CC debt
M: Well one 15k at a time
W: Oh what you want get a loan and get rid of that debt for me?
M: I don't think so, but thank you for asking
W: LOL Can't blame a girl for trying
M: You sure can't. I appreciate you asking
W: You will get a big fat thank you from me. You might even get one of those big cards that requires extra postage
M: Well now you are sweating the pot...........no the answer is still no. It is the thought that counts though
W: LOL yeah only you did not think about it
M: LOL nope. I sure didn't
W: You seem to be very chipper today
M: I am in deed
W: You must of had a good weekend
M: hmmm
W: hmmm huh? LOL well that’s good. Good for you deserve a good weekend
M: It was pretty good
W: Well good. I am glad. You reached a milestone
M: What is that?
W: Now you can dish out also. Thats good
M: LOL Yeah I guess so what are you up to
W: Getting ready to go do laundry. I was just sitting at home with my fan on and all the windows open reading a book
M: Sounds very nice your own little piece of heaven
W: Yup. I love it
The whole convo which lasted a total of 12 min went like that. It was light and fun and some sarcasm thrown in both directions.
I walked away from it a little uneasy I will try my best to explain why.
A lot of what we do say and hear we analyzes. Sometimes we are wrong and sometimes we are right. This convo while light was kind of revealing for me.
She mentioned the weekend not knowing what i had done all weekend. She did not ask any further and was perfectly content with anything I would have done. She was ok and seemed actually happy I would have gone out and had a good time. Not typical.
She seemed detached in the convo. After 5 months of phone convo's I can tell the difference. I have mentioned this about my last 2 convo's with her.
I believe my W is at a cross rd right now. She is detaching from me and is doing a pretty good job of it. When I call she begins to doubt and question. Periods of no contact only help with the detachment.
If you look at my history you will notice that contact has been 80/20 her. She has reached out to me. I am under the impression that is changing and she will not be doing her typical reaching out. She might call here and there but she is by no means doing the heavy thinking she was doing before.
I think that was a great convo! I don't want to beat a dead horse, but this is the exact thing I was talking about in your other thread. Convos like this, IMO, will help soften her. No pressure for her to pull back from. I think it will start decreasing her anger and take away the anxiety she might feel when you guys speak.
BITS
Happiness is not something ready made. It comes from your own actions.
BUT. I think 2step also feels that she is detaching for real and may be the next step for this being a permanent separation. That is the toughest thing to try and balance. Going dark may mean out of site out of mind and lets move on, permanently.
Sounded like a good conversation but that may mean the beginning to the end. One never really knows. Maybe she doesnt even know for sure.
Thats why this is all so convuluted. There are no blueprints to navigate , its all speculation.
Hope you are taking the positives 2step.
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BITS M-46 W-42 M-16y T-19 y s10 s15 BombDec.19/09 Sep-F16/10 Sep Papers signed by W- June 30/10 Recon July 5/10 PA foundOut- Oct 30/10 Mental HospNov/10 moved out Nov/10 Leg Sep Mar 15/11
BUT. I think 2step also feels that she is detaching for real and may be the next step for this being a permanent separation. That is the toughest thing to try and balance. Going dark may mean out of site out of mind and lets move on, permanently.
Sounded like a good conversation but that may mean the beginning to the end. One never really knows. Maybe she doesnt even know for sure.
Thats why this is all so convuluted. There are no blueprints to navigate , its all speculation.
Country I get your point. Don't think I don't. One thing that I am is stubborn some of the people who have been with me since the beginning will tell you.
I do get the no R/M talk, although back in Jan I did not.
The voice, the tone, the reaction are much more important than the words.
All the good stuff happens when I am trying to sleep off a respiratory infection! Sheesh!
As was pointed out to you like a week or two ago, she's in the anger phase. She has to get through this, so this might not be a good time to try and move things forward. The anger is good. It means she's noticed the changes, that she's peeved that you made them after she left and not before.
Her comment about how you never argue with her...that's GREAT! Keep it up! That's really making an impression on her!
The WASs LOVE IT when they can get under your skin. When you argue with them, it validates why they left. You are refusing to play into her hands!
And whoever said don't answer the next 3 times when she calls then tell her you don't want to give her false hope...yes yes and yes! LMAO. The sentiment is dead on. It's good to give the WAS a scare every once in a while, act as if you are more detached than you are and make them realize what they might be letting go, that they might be losing you.
Michelle when you go dark on me I panic. LOL sorry to hear you were feeling sick. I hope you feel better soon.
That part in bold is coming, sooner than you think. When I do it though it will not be a ploy to get her attention. It will be for real.
