Gritter that is the book we are reading together on the phone.
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It has been a while but the most profound part for me was reading toward the front I think about the role of the parent/child.
This is the section we covered yesterday.
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You did it because you feared by not saying it she may move further away.
My W love language is words of assurance. I did it mainly for her not to get the impression i had moved on and hit the delete button on her, which is more in tune with what I would normally do. I think she needed the assurance that I had not delete the feeling of getting back together.
Something Jody told me awhile back..
Tone down the "your life is great approach" it will only validate that you really did not need her. Your managing but you miss her.
You knew her well enough to know, it wouldn't hurt her to get your Tat that night too, huh ?
Wow Mach you remember that? That was an a$$ hole move on my part. Yes. I thought she would be upset that night but not hurt. I did not know the difference between just being pi$$ed and being hurt. The difference I did not realize till she was gone. She use to tell me all the time "when I get mad I am not really mad I am hurt" that comment never made much sense to me until I began all this.
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And that every single text from her, or call from her, you are STILL trying to convince her, and talk your way out of your actions...EVERY TIME
This is something I have worked very hard on. I realize this is/was a problem.
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She said this ? Or your thoughts ?
My thoughts. The tone of her voice the topic of convo have all slowly shifted and the fact that a few weeks ago she began to actually credit me for doing somethings good as a H. Aren't those signs that the anger is beginning to fade?
Jody has also said you guys are in the first tentative stages of R. And from what I've seen on here, you are.
But you can't rush this. This is the hardest part in some ways.
You have to work on breaking out of the old patterns the hardest when it looks like there is hope. That's when it's the most tempting to backslide, to go back to what you thought was working before the bomb.
Your actions speak a lot louder than words. The fact that you are there for her, that you pick up the phone and listen, says "I am still here" far louder than you saying the words. Even though her LL is WOA, she doesn't trust all your words right now. Temper it a little bit. Keep being her friend most of all.
Awesome that you guys read the second chapter of 5LL.
Why do you think she was so insistent that you didn't need to wait for her to read it? Do you think she was being polite, or trying to convey that the book is really good and you should read it on your own and with her and then reread a few times for good measure? LOL
We all pay it forward. We all remember those first few months of hurt and panic and pain. We all remember how amazing it was to find this place and the support here. That's why some of us still check in here.
Michelle - Proud DR Rockette S: 28JUL07, D'd: 29OCT09 http://tinyurl.com/27j9qo2
My thoughts. The tone of her voice the topic of convo have all slowly shifted and the fact that a few weeks ago she began to actually credit me for doing somethings good as a H. Aren't those signs that the anger is beginning to fade?
Those are YOUR signs....yes
To ASSUME they are hers, is why we are debating things right now....
You seem to speculate HER thoughts quite frequently.
To me ?
I would rather speculate that I don't have a clue about her thoughts, until SHE tells me what they are....
My thoughts. The tone of her voice the topic of convo have all slowly shifted and the fact that a few weeks ago she began to actually credit me for doing somethings good as a H. Aren't those signs that the anger is beginning to fade?
Those are YOUR signs....yes
To ASSUME they are hers, is why we are debating things right now....
You seem to speculate HER thoughts quite frequently.
To me ?
I would rather speculate that I don't have a clue about her thoughts, until SHE tells me what they are....
I've got some snow for ya if ya want it ... I'll even truck it down to you ... we're running out of places to put it ... geesh. But I'm not picking through it to make sure no two are the same ... give that chore to Mach, he never seems to be busy enough at work anyway ...
Holding onto anger to punish someone else, is like lighting yourself on fire to get smoke in their eyes ~ 25yearsmlc
Jody has also said you guys are in the first tentative stages of R. And from what I've seen on here, you are.
She did. She mentioned that awhile ago.
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But you can't rush this. This is the hardest part in some ways.
This is the hardest part. That is why i have you guys to constantly apply the brakes
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You have to work on breaking out of the old patterns the hardest when it looks like there is hope. That's when it's the most tempting to backslide, to go back to what you thought was working before the bomb.
You NAILED it. When I or anyone of us sees a little light we run to it. We forget the squirrel anology.
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Your actions speak a lot louder than words. The fact that you are there for her, that you pick up the phone and listen, says "I am still here" far louder than you saying the words. Even though her LL is WOA, she doesn't trust all your words right now. Temper it a little bit. Keep being her friend most of all.
When I brought this up to Jody she laughed and said "every man fears that. being friends is important to them"
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Why do you think she was so insistent that you didn't need to wait for her to read it? Do you think she was being polite,
