"And the moment of clarity Faded like charity does Sometimes I opened one eye And I put out my hand just to touch your soft hair To make sure in the darkness that you were still there And I have to admit I was just a little afraid, oh yeah But then... I had a little bit of luck You were awake I couldn't take another moment alone."
Roger Waters - The Moment of Clarity ------------
For so many of us who come to this site, the situation that we find ourselves in seems so unreal. As if it were just a terrible nightmare that we will wake up from at any point and everything will be normal again... that our S or significant other will still be there. Many of us, come here knowing that we were not the H's or the W's that we wanted to be... the H's or W's that our S's needed for us to be... that we, in our own way, took our S's for granted. And maybe, that we had even wanted them gone at some point.
When we come here, we are in a "moment of clarity"... that moment is when we realize the mistakes that we have made in our M's... that our actions have played a role in driving our S's away from us... away from loving us... and we realize how precious and delicate our M's truly are. And just how deeply we want it back.
THAT "moment of clarity" is what propels us, and motivates us, to learn how to become better... To learn how NOT to take the gifts that we have in our lives for granted... To appreciate each and every one of them...
On this path that we are on, we will have other 'moments of clarity'... but none as important.
----
The song quoted above, not very well known, is about just this. It is the last song on an album about a man who dreams of escaping the monotony of his marriage and his life, and running away with another woman for a new, exciting life in another place. The 'dream' turns into a nightmare. When he awakens, he realizes how lucky he is to have the life that he does, and how lucky he is to have his W laying their beside him in the dark.
It is a reminder to me that I need to continue to work here. To continue my quest in rectifying the mistakes that I have made and the damage I have caused. And once I do, I will NEVER repeat it.
BITS Denver
M 43 X 38 T 13 W moves out of home 11/2010 Roller coaster from hell 2/2011-5/2012 I request divorce 5/2012 W moves home 6/2012 Good time 7/2012 - 1/2015 I leave 3/2016 process of divorce
I hear AND more importantly I understand you Denver.
No one came here to learn how to become a better person you're right. I truly believe that becoming a better person offers the best chance to save a marriage the fundamental key...because while the goal is to stop a divorce...if you end it there, rest on your laurels...you failed.
You come out of this a better person, and you can hold their hand while they grow...slowly and you both build to become a better couple.
^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Just want J3B's response to some stuff I wrote tonight on my other thread here. I love this thought.
M 43 X 38 T 13 W moves out of home 11/2010 Roller coaster from hell 2/2011-5/2012 I request divorce 5/2012 W moves home 6/2012 Good time 7/2012 - 1/2015 I leave 3/2016 process of divorce
M: 48, H: 42 Kids: 0 T: 20 yrs M: 16 yrs. (H's 1st, my 2nd) WAS/MLC: 12/7/09-I'm not the wife HE deserved Came home per L: 12/26/09, Left again: 2/6/10 Served: 10/21/10, D FINAL: 6/15/11
M 43 X 38 T 13 W moves out of home 11/2010 Roller coaster from hell 2/2011-5/2012 I request divorce 5/2012 W moves home 6/2012 Good time 7/2012 - 1/2015 I leave 3/2016 process of divorce
"You have the power to move forward no matter what setback or obstacles block your path. You have the power to live true to your highest vision of how your life can be. You have the power to follow and reach your dreams. You have all this power because you have the CHOICE. In each moment you can choose, independent of all other factors. What you think, what to say, and WHO YOU WANT TO BE!!!!" - Unknown
BITS
M: 48, H: 42 Kids: 0 T: 20 yrs M: 16 yrs. (H's 1st, my 2nd) WAS/MLC: 12/7/09-I'm not the wife HE deserved Came home per L: 12/26/09, Left again: 2/6/10 Served: 10/21/10, D FINAL: 6/15/11
Also want to repost my goals so that I can refer to them here... My goals:
1. Become a better person; 2. Learn to control my ego; 3. Learn what love means to me; 4. Learn to love my W unconditionally; 5. To become a better H; 6. Learn to be more in control of my personal happiness; 7. Understand my share in the breakdown of my M; 8. To be resilient through the worst disaster of my life - the breakdown of M; 9 To be strong and confident through this; 10. To maintain hope no matter how dark things may become in the future.
Added #11
11. Save my f'n Marriage!!!
M 43 X 38 T 13 W moves out of home 11/2010 Roller coaster from hell 2/2011-5/2012 I request divorce 5/2012 W moves home 6/2012 Good time 7/2012 - 1/2015 I leave 3/2016 process of divorce
Also want to repost my goals so that I can refer to them here... My goals:
1. Become a better person; 2. Learn to control my ego; 3. Learn what love means to me; 4. Learn to love my W unconditionally; 5. To become a better H; 6. Learn to be more in control of my personal happiness; 7. Understand my share in the breakdown of my M; 8. To be resilient through the worst disaster of my life - the breakdown of M; 9 To be strong and confident through this; 10. To maintain hope no matter how dark things may become in the future.
Added #11
11. Save my f'n Marriage!!!
Can I totally plagerize these?!
BITS
M: 48, H: 42 Kids: 0 T: 20 yrs M: 16 yrs. (H's 1st, my 2nd) WAS/MLC: 12/7/09-I'm not the wife HE deserved Came home per L: 12/26/09, Left again: 2/6/10 Served: 10/21/10, D FINAL: 6/15/11
I just want #11 LOL just kidding of course. I've been gone all day just got back I will catch up with everyone tonight even if it means staying up all night. I don't sleep anyways!
Now remember to make those goals action oriented. What can you do to control your ego? I would name out a bunch of things that you think you can do (or mistakes you've made in the past so you don't repeat them). Those would then be your goals.
That way, you can actually track their success.
m 40 w 38 married 15 together 18 d11, d8 bomb 12/19/10 2nd bomb 3/30/11 COMPLETELY DONE
