For those of you who really like to read and have the time I've included my first three previous threads hope you enjoy the journey a lot more than I enjoyed living it........
Ok so as you know I was feeling kind of down today and really wanted to talk to W just to hear her voice but I really had no reason to call her, so what is a 2step to do? Alas, my daughter pulls through.
So D approaches me tonight after I get back from a family Bday party and says "daddy. I would like to talk to you about something very important. All my friends in school have a FB and so do my cousins. Now I know you and W don't like for me to have one because you are scared of who might contact me but I would like for you to make it private, give me a password, and I will only go on when you are home and you can log me in and out and check all my friends and post" After such a logical approach what is a father to do? I told her "D. I appreciate you being logical in your request. Can I sleep on it tonight and give you an answer in the morning?" "OK"
2step, WTH does this have to do with your W? Stick with me....
A few weeks back I was talking to my DB coach and one of my W's problems was the fact she felt excluded from decisions involving D and she also felt that I did not value her opinion or cared; so she suggested on occasion I should contact W and ask her opinion on matters. When W gave it I should say "I really appreciate your feedback, thank you"
So I sent W the following text " W I have something I would like your opinion on, if you have time tonight and you can call I would appreciate it. It will be short"
So I received a text from her that she would call in a short while. She did, we spoke briefly
W "what are you up to"
M "just watching a movie with D"
W "oh your busy would you like me to call you back?"
M "actually yeah if you don't mind."
W "Oh Ok or you can call me later"
M "It will be late this movie is long you might be asleep. I can just ask you now really quick or just call you tomorrow"
W "I will be up late, you can call if you like I am not sleeping anyways or now if you like"
M "I'll call later wait D wants to talk to you"
At this point D and W talked for a few minutes. D has an ear infection and was telling her about it. W got on the phone gave me some detail instructions on what to do. I listened and told her thank you I would call her later, kept it short on purpose.
I finished the movie with D put her to sleep and send W the following text
M "your still up?"
W "yep"
I called asked her opinion on FB, she thought about it for a bit explained why she was against it and explained why I should go ahead and let her. I thank her and told her goodnight, then she began to talk and talk and talk.
We started talking about religion then we started talking about politics then about the debt of Jersey then about work anyways you get the point.
We talked for 2hrs about everything except the R/M or getting back together. Twice I started to cut the convo short and twice she continued to talk, at one point she said "You don't have to go unless you are tired, I am enjoying talking to you"
If I got nothing else from this convo that was worth the post. We also talked about some fun things we had done together NFL game, NBA game, and an NHL game we went to. We even talked about Fantasy Football.
But all good things must come to an end so around 2AM I said
M "well W its been nice talking to you but its late and you have to work tomorrow so i will let you get some rest"
W "she said ok goodnight"
After I got the phone I sent her the song from the movie Tangled "I've got a dream" because I had mentioned it in the convo how she would enjoy the movie and that was my fav song.
That's it no major milestones here just a nice pleasant talk, but it kind of reminded me about something she mentioned in the DB session when the coach asked what about H did you like, her response "we could talk about anything and everything and he listened to me."
That's awesome, 2Step. I've been trying to catch up on your threads and situation, and I think you're walking the walk, and slowly reaping the toils of your labor. I wish my situation could have hope/promise like yours.
After I got the phone I sent her the song from the movie Tangled "I've got a dream" because I had mentioned it in the convo how she would enjoy the movie and that was my fav song.
2x4 Alert.
2step I know well your intentions by doing this but it is pressure and it has to stop.
Every time you do this you communicate your needyness and that you aren't listening to her.
You are not giving her a chance to miss you because you are always reminding her you're still there even when she doesn't want you to be there.
This is the toughest part.
Do better.
My goal is to some day be the person my dog thinks I am
hi i am happy for your conversation...i think that's great you must have slept so much better after but i do agree with grit, about the song but you never know, she might have been touched have a great day
Wait I thought about this a minute. Have you seen the movie? It has nothing to do with me having a dream about us getting back to together or anything like that. It is about the main character having a dream about seeing floating lanterns. The actual song is very funny and it is not romantic at all. YouTube it.
Alamo,
Thanks for joining us, there is plenty of room inside the 2step house of smoke and mirrors. On the surface there appears to be lots to be happy about, but maybe that is just my pessimistic side talking. The truth is these could all be just friendly conversations amounting to a whole lot of nothing as far as the M is concerned but only God knows. If it wasn't for my BITS and all the others who have encouraged me to stay the course I might have been either in the loony house by now for sure with a straight jacket or in total hatred mode for my W. I do feel however that this book has not yet ended.
grr,
Actually I did sleep better. The thing is after these convo's I tend to go through a high that last for a few hours, sometimes days but then I crash again. I tend to post during my highs because that is when I am most clear in thought. About the song, you guys YouTube it and tell me what you think. It is not a romance song.....
2step, first - nice! It's a great feeling when they want to continue to talk and we actually don't. It's nice to be "brought back into the room" when you're ready for the conversation to end.
And, I have to tell you, I don't think the song is a bad thing at all. Is it pursuing? Maybe. BUT I think it shows you caring more and NOT begging for the relationship to come back. She wants to see if you still CAN love her the way she needs to be loved.
It worked for me
NOW is where the hard work - truly hard work - begins. You HAVE to take everything she said at face value. Don't look into ANYTHING positive or negative. Take it as a great conversation and leave it at that.
The ball is still in her court. Let HER contact you. The BEST thing you can do is stay detached yet involved. I'm thinking its a great first step but it can be erased if you push it.
It will go against every molecule in your body to not call her. But RESIST!!! It will pay off.
keep it up and stay strong!!
m 40 w 38 married 15 together 18 d11, d8 bomb 12/19/10 2nd bomb 3/30/11 COMPLETELY DONE
I agree with you 100% on this. The real hard work is beginning now and this is the time that I am going to need to most support I think. I am not real sure I am on the right road yet but I do agree that the conversations are encouraging.
NOW is where the hard work - truly hard work - begins. You HAVE to take everything she said at face value. Don't look into ANYTHING positive or negative. Take it as a great conversation and leave it at that.
This is going to be hard for me because I am not known for patience so this is surely to test me. Your sitch has inspired me not to give up and continue so please check in often and evaluate my progess and give me good critique, you can start with the update I am going to post after this
