Its a 165k house with 135k mortgage. We were rehabbing it. It should be a 200k house, even in this market, if it were in decent condition.
She's offering to leave mortgage in her name, but leave deed in both, and I pay for everything. It's a 4 bedroom house and I have at least 3 personal friends lining up to rent.
M:31 WAW:25 T: 5 years M: 6/25/10 Bomb: 12/17/10 Discovered PA 1/2, Discovered EA, 1/17 Served D: 1/27
How much is it going to cost you to finish rehabbing this house? Where will you find the money for that? I'm assuming the rent from friends will pay the mortgage payments, but it still costs money to remodel.
How long is she willing to keep the mortgage in her name? What is your long-term plan - to buy her out or to sell the house once it's finished? How you handle things differs depending on your plan.
For instance: Scenario 1) She agrees to keep the mortgage in her name for two years, and to quitclaim the property to you FOR NO MONEY once you are able to refinance it into your name. You plan to keep the house long-term. Will you be in a position to refinance in 2 years? If interest rates have risen considerably, will you still be able to afford the house at an 8% or 10% interest rate? Is your personal credit rating decent, or crummy? If you spend $20,000 to rehab the house, you might end up with 30 or 35k after selling it, IF she gives up her interest in the house.
Scenario 2) Wife agrees to keep her name on the mortgage and deed but wants to be bought out in two years at 50% of the equity. You spend $20,000 rehabbing the house, room mates carry the mortgage for you. In two years house is worth 200k, you have to come up with $32,500 to buy her out. However, since you had to spend $20k to rehab, and would have to pay realtors fees if you did sell it, you really end up with - zero profit.
Scenario 3) Wife agrees to keep her name on the mortgage for two years, then wants to be bought out at 1/2 of the current (today)equity = $15k. You spend 20k rehabbing and in two years the house is worth 200k. (Values are not projected to go up). After you pay her 15k, your actual profit is 50k - minus 20k invested in rehab = 30k minus costs of selling approx 15k = 15k. That's a whole lot of work for MAYBE 15k. And as someone who just paid 25k last years for a bathroom leak-mold-damage-stripped to studs-new sewer line needed disaster, let me remind you that Murphy's law holds especially true for home remodeling. Will you be able to handle it if you need a new roof, or major plumbing repair, or similar expenses? Is this house relatively new and just in need of cosmetic work, or is it 1960's or older and ripe for major unexpected repairs? Are you experienced at doing this kind of work yourself, or are you expecting to hire it out?
I speak as someone who has earned considerable sweat equity on homes in the past, and has laid tile, built kitchen cabinets out of a flat pack, etc. You CAN earn sweat equity sometimes but it's way harder than most people think - and if you have poor interior decorating taste, you can spend plenty and get NO return on your money.
Is it? Zero profit still means you are tied to that location, and potentially could lose money if some new house repair emergency arises. Versus renting, where you would have LOADS more free time (during a very stressful time in your life) and complete freedom to move wherever you like or need to.
Mind you - if you love the house and think it's a good investment and are excited to work on it - fine, this may be a good choice. But look vERY carefully at ALL aspects of this deal, crunch the numbers and be honest with yourself about what this will really cost. All too often the left-behind spouse wants to hold onto the house, and it is often to their detriment.
Well, if you're asking is there any hope she'll come back - actually, I think it's entirely possible. More likely to happen if YOU move forward in your life, grow strong, look attractive. Strength and confidence is attractive - neediness is not. They usually think twice if you're doing well.
BUT - this may or may not happen, and may happen tomorrow or 20 years from now. Don't make the mistake of mixing up the business end of a divorce, with the emotional end. Protect your financial interests, build an exciting interesting life for yourself - and worry about whether you would even take her back later.
OH no... that isn't what I'm asking. What I MEANT was that its bizarre that even the most pro-marriage community on the net thinks its time to cut her loose, at least for the moment, and are giving me advice on how to best do it.
M:31 WAW:25 T: 5 years M: 6/25/10 Bomb: 12/17/10 Discovered PA 1/2, Discovered EA, 1/17 Served D: 1/27
Clinging to them NEVER works. Showing them a better you, a confident capable you, SOMETIMES works. And my perspective, as I've explained before, is a little different when you're young and don't have kids yet - colored by my own experience.
You definitely shouldn't take her back, however, until she has done the work she needs to do - and that would take time. So live your life as if she's not coming back, and if she does come back, make her work on her [censored] first.
Did you read Divorce Remedy, by any chance? I can honestly understand how it feels like everyone is telling you to cut her loose. That isn't exactly what everyone is saying. They are saying that you need to first work on you. You need to improve yourself and forget about the M for a little while. If she decides to divorce while you are doing this, then that's her poor decision. But you are not going to get her back by doing the same things all the time.
ADDITIONALLY, I am one that believes you need to take a serious look at your situation and your W's words. They really are very nasty and I don't believe you should allow her to speak to you that way. Do you speak to her that way? Perhaps you do and I misread the situation. But it really bothered me to read some of those things.
I think that I am also very bothered by your W's cavalier attitude towards M. You've barely been married for 6 months and she's already discussing D? I am so impressed by you showing up here to try and learn and do something. I am doubly impressed that you are man doing this. But, I think that your W has some maturing to do. I'm sorry if I am hurting you. You don't have a clue how much I don't want to do that because I am hurting so badly and I don't think I could handle if someone else was trying to hurt me. I want you to feel better. I so want that for you.
You must take care of yourself. You also should listen to kml who is giving some fantastic advice and things to think about financially.
You are worth making changes in your life! You are worth giving yourself the best chance at a great life!!!
