The lying, cheating, WAW has had all week. My patience is wearing thin. She's still coming around and calling all the time, but there's no more talk of making an appointment with MC or "dating me" any more. With my new boundaries in place, she would have to give up OM for that. So...I've become my wife's best friend, again.
Time to make some changes! I bought a new truck today. The WAW was probably feeling pretty safe with me driving around in my old junker (not exactly a chick magnet). I also ordered some more books from our joint Amazon account. I know she snoops my book orders; she's asked me about certain titles from past orders. Here's my list of recently purchased books:
"She Comes First: the thinking man's guide to pleasuring a woman."
"I Love Female Orgasm: An Extraordinary Orgasm Guide."
"Squirms, Screams, & Squirts: Going From Great Sex to Extraordinary Sex."
This should give her something to think about. Now what? Do I go dark? Dim? Or have I already gone too far?
Actually, I didn't put that much thought into it (lol). maybe, I'm setting the timer. In other words, I'm not happy in this holding pattern; maybe she is. Something has to change.
I'm interested in the books, for sure; they are for me. It's a 180, though, because under normal circumstances, I wouldn't have ordered them. One of the books had a review that hit a cord. It said that if you have been getting all your moves from porn videos, you were doing it all wrong. Well... not all my moves came from porn videos, but I thought they were educational.
Self improvement is part of GAL, right? It's one of many things that need some tweaking. Unfortunately, I have nobody to practice with.
Self improvement in any form is your goal. Part of GAL? Absolutely. Don't go overboard on Self Help either. You can read and soak in knowledge to a point, but then you have to actually apply it.
I'm glad you did this and it's a 180 for YOU. You wanted a new truck and who doesn't feel great driving around in a new vehicle. That was a very good move.
You are on the right path focusing on what makes YOU happy. Keep searching, especially when the emotions about your W and M creep in.
The lying, cheating, WAW has had all week. My patience is wearing thin. She's still coming around and calling all the time, but there's no more talk of making an appointment with MC or "dating me" any more. With my new boundaries in place, she would have to give up OM for that. So...I've become my wife's best friend, again.
Time to make some changes! I bought a new truck today. The WAW was probably feeling pretty safe with me driving around in my old junker (not exactly a chick magnet). I also ordered some more books from our joint Amazon account. I know she snoops my book orders; she's asked me about certain titles from past orders. Here's my list of recently purchased books:
"She Comes First: the thinking man's guide to pleasuring a woman."
"I Love Female Orgasm: An Extraordinary Orgasm Guide."
"Squirms, Screams, & Squirts: Going From Great Sex to Extraordinary Sex."
This should give her something to think about. Now what? Do I go dark? Dim? Or have I already gone too far?
This appears to be reactive, and from your last posts she does not appear to be lying and cheating. A lack of patience is not a good reason to react. You have not posted enough for us to really know how seeing the the books will affect her.
Is your goal still to win her back?
btw--a good 180 is not just the opposite of what you would normally do. It's the oppositive of what her complaints are about you.
I would say a good 180 is one that is one that improves you. It might also improve you in her eyes, in fact, if it improves you, that's pretty likely. I maintain that if you are doing it "for her", or to get a reaction from her, it will fail in the end.
DBing is exactly for the purpose of changing your partner's behavior by changing your own. It also helps your gain confidence, and builds you personally, but the purpose is for the relationship.
desert's point is true to the extent that if it helps you to feel it is only for yourself, and you aren't watching her every reaction, you may be able to be more effective.
desert's point is true to the extent that if it helps you to feel it is only for yourself, and you aren't watching her every reaction, you may be able to be more effective.
I'd go farther, and say if you are watching every reaction, you are in for a tough time. It takes for this to work. Sure, there may be a positive reaction today, but don't get too excited, there will probably be a bit of a downer tomorrow. You are after trends, not events.
You are trying to change the dynamic of the relationship by making changes in yourself. That's what you can control. In my opinion, as soon as you try to control your partner, you are asking for trouble.
Sometimes, even in successful reconciliations things will get worse before they get better. It takes time for a WAS to be ready to back off of a decision that was very hard for them to make in the first place. In their mind, they already tried everything. You can't rush this.
