AG ~ has been texting me off and on all week. He has also called twice. He is very nice and very interesting.
However, I know I should not be communicating with him daily. That will take the place of the where FFG was in companionship and I don't know if that is becoming co-dependant on AG. To fill a void. I haven't worked it all out completly on how to do that if you like someone and they are "just that into you". If you are "into them" but not ready to be "into them" Not because you don't like them or anything.... just not ready to have that.
Hard to explain.... but I feel like if I am talking to you on a regular basis that if I were to meet someone else for coffee or something of that nature it would be wrong. I know that comes from being married for almost 20 years, but having multiple interest out there is weird. I guess because for the past 20 years when I talked with a man it was my EXH. Gosh, dating as a bonified adult is difficult at times.
I'm not saying that AG and I are relationship bound but I get the feeling he is. Plus, he lives an hour away. Which is difficult for relationships but wonderful for casual friendship.
M:47 M:18 D16, S19 1st S 1/08-5/08 Reconciled/May 7, 2008 Left again Nov 9, 2009 I Filed: Nov 17, 2009 Final: April 14, 2010 EX walked away from kids too
I haven't worked it all out completly on how to do that if you like someone and they are "just that into you". If you are "into them" but not ready to be "into them" Not because you don't like them or anything.... just not ready to have that.
I hear ya. That's why it's good to state what you are looking for/not looking for from the very beginning. Getting over a D is no joke. I think it's crazy for anyone to just go straight into another R without spending any time grieving.
I've grieved for 2 years. But FFG and I did get into a relationship. I don't feel it was a rebound one though. I am over the EXH. Will be forever sad about the loss of my family but there is a difference.
My EXH is who he is now, not who he was then.
M:47 M:18 D16, S19 1st S 1/08-5/08 Reconciled/May 7, 2008 Left again Nov 9, 2009 I Filed: Nov 17, 2009 Final: April 14, 2010 EX walked away from kids too
So, AG ask me out for today. Since our last "date" was a non-date "date".... He ask me out and then said "this is a date". It was cute because when we had coffee last week .... we split a piece of coffee cake. So, I ask him if this meant I got a whole piece of cake to myself this time.
He wants to walk through a botanical garden and then go to dinner.
M:47 M:18 D16, S19 1st S 1/08-5/08 Reconciled/May 7, 2008 Left again Nov 9, 2009 I Filed: Nov 17, 2009 Final: April 14, 2010 EX walked away from kids too
******* I couldn't edit the earlier one, so this is add on"
So, AG ask me out for today. Since our last "date" was a non-date "date".... He ask me out and then said "this is a date". It was cute because when we had coffee last week .... we split a piece of coffee cake. So, I ask him if this meant I got a whole piece of cake to myself this time.
He wants to walk through a botanical garden and then go to dinner. I am on a study hold and he is willing to accept if I can or cannot make it. I have lots of work to do and not sure if I have the time. (Is that because I'm just not that into him?) I don't know... He is very nice, quick wit, funny, thoughtful, and cute-ish . More along the EXH looks and not FFG looks. So hard not to compare. He is healthy and a runner so that is good.
A fellow classmate and I were talking about relationships the whole co-dependancy thing and she said "I want to choose a relationship, not let it choose me". I think that is where I am.... that maybe because there was a nice man in front of me with nothing overly wrong.... I jumped on the relationship for fear it was the one and never really took my time with that. EXH and I dated only 6 months before we married. We would have married anyway, because it was all good for a long time.
I am just gonna kick it all around slowly this time. I have to many other things that are more important.
So, I may or may not go.
M:47 M:18 D16, S19 1st S 1/08-5/08 Reconciled/May 7, 2008 Left again Nov 9, 2009 I Filed: Nov 17, 2009 Final: April 14, 2010 EX walked away from kids too
Hi Sandycay, thanks for commenting on my thread! I see you are dating but a little farther along than I am...i.e. you have been in a relationship with someone and have seen another a few times!
Quote:
that maybe because there was a nice man in front of me with nothing overly wrong.... I jumped on the relationship for fear it was the one and never really took my time with that.
I hear you...we always hear things like the best love relationships are those where you start as friends first...but if the man is romantically interested, it's not really "friends" is it? And what about accidentally leading the man on and only breaking his heart down the line? I know if the roles were reversed I wouldn't want to be doing what I did with stbxh where I was waiting around for him to decide to choose me!
how do you navigate this? argh!!
me,34 exH,34 S,16 months S:3/31/09-left for OW started DBing 10/09 d final: sometime 10/10 current: http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2022856&page=1 met in 2004
It is funny I was having a similar conversation with a guy friend. Both of us can 'find' dates if we want them....the thing is I don't want to have to hunt someone down (i.e. match.com). However, those who 'fall into my lap' so to speak are clearly more into me than I am into them...so I decided to focus on my college class and my job and kids and let that part go for now.
There was a teacher I met on Match...we went out once, kept trying to reschedule but times never lined up. I realized if I was that 'into' him I would have tried harder to open up some time...
Let us know if you go. I like the type of outings you go on. Museums, botanical gardens, etc. Good stuff.
Hi Sandycay, thanks for commenting on my thread! I see you are dating but a little farther along than I am...i.e. you have been in a relationship with someone and have seen another a few times!
Quote:
that maybe because there was a nice man in front of me with nothing overly wrong.... I jumped on the relationship for fear it was the one and never really took my time with that.
I hear you...we always hear things like the best love relationships are those where you start as friends first...but if the man is romantically interested, it's not really "friends" is it? And what about accidentally leading the man on and only breaking his heart down the line? I know if the roles were reversed I wouldn't want to be doing what I did with stbxh where I was waiting around for him to decide to choose me!
how do you navigate this? argh!!
Well, we have both been honest and agreed.... nothing heavy at this point. Been very honest about that. I actually always read your threatd... I just don't post as much as I read. LOL
M:47 M:18 D16, S19 1st S 1/08-5/08 Reconciled/May 7, 2008 Left again Nov 9, 2009 I Filed: Nov 17, 2009 Final: April 14, 2010 EX walked away from kids too
