I tried, I changed, but still am getting divorced!

[smith18]

Hey, my XW is a gym teacher at a pre-school. It is a part time job, but it gives her time to pick the kids up after school. She previously was an assistant pre-school teacher at the same school.

She got a bit of an addiction to going out clubbing with a co-worker teacher on the weekends. This led to guys hitting on her in the bars and ultimately to the end of our marriage. She later mentioned in a letter of apology to me that it was a "nightmare" that had entered her life. C'est la vie.

[newmama]

yikes...sorry to hear that about your exW Kerry. So she was able to acknowledge her clubbing behavior was a mistake, eh?

OK well my Friday night night golfing got cancelled. I really hope I can get myself to see a movie! And maybe look up some gents on the internet.

It was a good day at work.I think I can breathe tomorrow.
We are supposed to discuss "families" as part of social studies. Someone checked out books from the library for us but they are not about the 50% of families of today. Even before I was going through a divorce, I wanted to acknowledge that we can have more than one family and that a dad and a child is a family as well as a grandma who is raising 2 kids, etc.
And
John Stewart is super smart and funny, isn't he? (random)

[courageous wife]

I love John Stewart!

[gatsby11]

AAAH, Oprah! I haven't finished reading your post yet, but my principal and a few teachers were in the audience!!

[gatsby11]

Oh yeah John Stewart's cool.

[newmama]

Okey dokey...this is one of those periods where I am just existing. BUT S was able to point to his tummy, head, foot, and nose when I asked him last night!!!! I have been waiting for this milestone because it is definitely proof that our babies are learning our language! I ALMOST texted stbxh to tell him but then I thought..."screw it. He wasn't here to witness it. HIS choice." However, I did tell him when he dropped S off tonight and he looked proud. he said "he's so smart!" Now I love my boy and want him to be smart, but I also know this is just a normal milestone! So I was more "relieved" that he was hitting his milestones....I just want him to not struggle in life and average is where I am aiming...heck if he is below average, I will know how to help him, too. Just don't want to be a parent "in denial" because I have seen parents delay getting help for their kids due to denial. Of course I understand why! I am not saying they are bad parents! Just that after I have worked with special needs kids,I see the huge gains they make when they seek help early on. I promised myself to be "wide awake" about my child's ability. If he shows signs of struggling, etc. I will be proactive!

THE BOY got suspended again today...3rd time in 4 weeks. I guess when we were going back to our desks from the carpet area, he pulled another kid's hair. I didn't see it. Now before you think "what? why would he get suspended for that, even though it is wrong!" ( I thought that when I found out) The victim was at the carpet, sobbing so hard that he couldn't tell me what happened. I heard "hair..." (and he speaks another language). I just know the difference between overreacting vs. being genuinely shaken up and hurt. I called the office and the secretary came to get him (the secretaries often come and get the kids because the principal, counselor and student supervisor are dealing with other crises in the building). Well, I sent the victim to the office to get TLC and later found out that THE BOY was suspended due to the purposeful, aggressive nature of the act. He also admitted to it, was not remorseful.

I felt kind of bad that I didn't anticipate that he would do it so that I could stay by him until all kids went back to their desks! (transition times are when kids often get into trouble) I will do that tomorrow, obviously. I ALSO felt bad for the mom, because she had to leave work to come and get him. I think the administration is creating a paper trail to show this is environment is not suitable for him. I have a meeting on Monday.

I am crossing my fingers and hoping that I won't have to work this weekend... I was so SPENT today at 3:15 that I just wanted to veg out with a margarita (or 3) in my PJs. Instead I stayed at work a little longer to do some odds and ends and prepare for (our) presentation next Tuesday. I chatted with another teacher about this and that...we were all FRIED!!!

Here is something- she doesn't GET it that I can't go to Happy Hours on Fridays usually. I swear, she is thinking "just get a babysitter" but she doesn't realize that I don't get quality time with my son when I am working and I have to do the rest on my own! It is just a different world. She did say her H was going on a work trip for 2 weeks so she would be a single mom to her 10 month old. I said "it is so hard!" she said "yeah! I have to come home, make dinner for him AND me, and give him a bath and put him to bed...all by myself! but maybe I can stay with my mom and dad for those 2 weeks so they can help."

[awest1217]

It is definitely a different world for a single parent. Many times I get the same thing from my friends about getting a baby sitter, but being that I worked at a daycare through college and not mostly work with the low level kids whose parents did or do that to them, I don't want that for S. I want to spend quality time with S whenever I can. The only nice part for me is that now that H takes S every other weekend (didn't do that the first 16 months we were separated) I get a few hours to myself. Most of the time it is spent cleaning or grocery shopping so I don't ahve to do those chores with S and instead spend time with him, but sometimes I do get some time to myself which is nice.

Take what time you get for you. I know last year I was a very ineffective teacher because I was all about S and my sitch. Now I can tell that I am more effective and partly because I take some time (even if it is a 15 minute bath) for me to re-energize.

Have a good weekend and if need be, figure out what has to be done, and whatever is not immediate...don't do it.

[newmama]

stbxh dropped off S. I asked him about switching the names on bills/ me taking over (he paid when I was home with S).

It seemed pretty simple to do. I kept waiting for him to say
"since we are on the subject, I want you to know that I submitted the D papers" or "you can give me the certificate for the D papers." but he didn't.

I asked him to reprogram the thermostat for me and he did. Phew!
He noticed (on his own) that a lightbulb needed to be changed so he did it. I thanked him (I really could have done it myself but just hadn't gotten around to it and I didn't ask for him to do it- he just did).

He told me he would take out the yard debris to the curb for me.
(ok, thanks but I didn't need it but I don't care that he does it).

And he offered to take S for a few hours tomorrow OR overnight if I needed more time to get stuff done since I didn't get the time due to switching nights. I said sure, thanks..."working with a baby is a whole different world." He quickly said "yeah." and changed the subject!

OH and I didn't even do this on purpose this time--I ordered some bras from VS. They arrived and the package was on the front porch when he dropped off S!!! hahaha

And an old fogie from the single parents group asked me out over email....am trying to find a nice way to say no thanks..."sorry I am looking for someone closer to my age?" or just "thank you for the invitation but I am not interested."

[kat727]

A guy asked me out recently. I was not interested in him. I just said thank you but I am really not ready to date yet. It is a bit of a white lie but I also haven't gone out this past summer. Just an idea.

kat

[courageous wife]

Hi NM

So, your H has not mentioned anything about the D since he filed?

And, I am always amazed that he still does so much for you around the house!

As for the old fogie...you can always say that you are flattered and end it with either one of those 2 phrases! In the past, I always tried to let them off easy but that always seemed to leave the door open (if you've ever see Dumb and Dumber, when she tells him that she is 99% sure that they don't have a chance and he says something like "so, you are telling me that there is a chance (1%)?" I am not good with movie quotes but I always thought that was funny!!!

Hope you are having a great weekend!!!