I tried, I changed, but still am getting divorced!

[Seeing Red]

I feel like an odd ball among my friends and coworkers. Like there is something about marriage and relationships that I just don't "get."

YOU did not fail at marriage - your WAS did. In fact, you probably understand WAY more about relationships than the average Joe, given what you've been through.

Don't allow yourself to feel like an outsider. You've done nothing wrong.

[awest1217]

NM - I completely understand what you mean about feeling like the oddball. I have one D'd friend whose D was final in July, but otherwise there is no one. All my close friends and family are married with kids. Many times someone will say "all us couples should..." and then they look at me and say of course you are invited too. Nothing mean, but we are different.

Glad things went well of your first day back. I really think teaching is like riding a bike and now that you have a child, I think it helps even more.

[Mystik]

I agree with the others on feeling like the odd one out when it comes to relationships. How did we end up single when everyone we know is still paired up?

[newmama]

I guess I take my status like it is one of those things where it had to happen to someone. Like some people get cancer, some get hit by a car, some have lots of family members die.

OK that is really just negative. But seriously- that is how I am able to accept this situation!

The weird thing is how I am doing "fine." Notice I didn't say TERRIFIC or BETTER THAN EVER. But it's like this is me, the divorced first grade teacher with a 14 month old son, whose dad left her for another woman. I am living the way I did before I was married, but now I have a son, am jaded about "happily ever after" and I have more money (lol!)

[awest1217]

Completely with you!

[Piano]

Your husband's choices do not define you. They define him. You are Newmama. You are amazing. You are raising a child ALONE. How capable you are!
It is weird being the odd one out... this year seems to be the year of weddings and babies. It makes me uncomfortable, my new role as a separated new mum. But then I think.. No, I am Piano. I am not a label. I have love in my life. I know that behind those wedding bands and picket fences there are problems. I am separated NOW, but in time I won't be...and in time, some of these friends in couples will be separated. It's just accepting that everyone has problems, we just don't all face them at the same time.

[Piano]

Also, thinking of you as you start work again!

[newmama]

thanks for your support, ladies!

ughhh. had a BAD day!

1) apparently I really ticked off some parents and they tattled on me to the principal!! What happened was that they stuck their head in the door just as we were all trying to line up for lunch, get calm and orderly, get lunch boxes, and stay quiet enough to walk down the hall. We weren't there yet...kids were horsing around and my little disruptive kid was weaving in and out of line. WHile this is happening, a mom opens the door and her daughter comes running out of line to see her. All the kids go "is that your mom? hey look, it's her mom!" We were already running late for lunch (you can't get too behind because it messes up other grades).

SO the mom says "we just want to peek in!" I say in a friendly way "oh, okay! are you picking her up for lunch?" (parents do that sometimes) "no, just "peeking in to see her!" and the class is getting all crazy while I am trying to figure out what the mom needs. So I said "ok, well I'm sorry but it's not the best time- it's kind of interrupting right now! But I can definitely talk to you later!" and I said it in a very friendly way. NOW I TOTALLY did not mean to say "interrupt"--it just came out! I could have just said "oh, well I can talk to you later!" I didn't think much of it other than regretting saying "interrupt."

so then the principal comes in to see me during prep and tells me that the mom felt pushed out of my room and she was already skeptical of public schools and the mom said she has the right to see what her daughter is doing and that her daughter told her that I have been brushing her aside (yeah, like 6 year olds talk like that?)...
baloney!! what's funny is that I moved her desk to the front yesterday(before I knew about her parents) because I could tell this girl has a mind of her own (my mommy says this, and I get to do this, and I don't want to do it like that...etc.) so I knew she needs a little extra attention and once she likes me she will listen to anything I tell her. (some kids don't care about the rules- they just care about the relationships. And she has never been to school before or daycare so she isn't used to some adult other than her parents telling her what to do!)


LUCKILY my principal told me she had my back, that she didn't think for a second that I was super rude and neglecting her daughter. SHe told the mom to talk to me directly (and told me to contact the parents) and assured her that it was probably just a bad timing issue. AND IT WAS! So I emailed the parents, apologizing for the misunderstanding and assured them that they can come in whenever, but the worst time is around lunch.

AND then
2)I have a student who was in a developmental kindergarten last year....why he is in a regular ed classroom the following year is beyond me! But the issue is that he does things like push his desk all around the room, hit kids with books or throw pencils at them or just slaps them, spits on kids, comes up to the ELMO projector and waves his hand, and cries when he doesn't get his way.

UMMM...I do have a whole class that I need to tend to and get to know! I know he is a sweet boy but struggles too much. HE LOVES books (can't read) and art. So what happens, folks, is when your child is in a class with a kid who is majorly disruptive, your child will not get as good of an education unless that child has some assistance of some kind. It is the truth.I wish more parents would complain so the kid can get help. Any kid with severe learning and behavior issues deserves compassion and adult assistance. I truly enjoy working with this little boy 1:1 (he is attentive and sweet) but it is when he is supposed to be at his desk or joining us on the carpet or lining up when it is a problem. (80% of the day)

I spend soooo much time redirecting that child, interrupting everyone else's learning, starting over, helping that ONE child. It isn't fair to my other students and it isn't fair to HIM! He is thrown into a class without support and it is too hard for him, let alone that it takes away from others' right to a FREE and APPROPRIATE PUBLIC EDUCATION.


3) the kids were "done" by lunch time and they certainly were "done" at 1:00. 2 more hours to go! I had 6 or 8 kids who were eager to learn! They were attentive. Too bad the other 14 were checked out. How could 6 year olds make a grown woman want to cry??? But this is why I was so eager to teach 2nd grade. It's okay. It will get better in a couple of months.

4)The rest of my team wants to start reading groups ASAP and I haven't been able to assess all of my students yet because of that disruptive kid!!!

so I have requested assistance and I will be insistent on at least 45 minutes of some help per day for 4 days so I can try to figure out what my kids can read!

5) I have to go in again this weekend.

SO life will get better. But it sucks right now!

[smith18]

That just about killed me reading that and thinking of myself in your position. I probably would have the trouble makers (including the parent snitchers) down doing pushups or spending a night in a box (ala Cool Hand Luke). You have my full respect. Being a teacher, you must be able to both control and teach the children in a calm manner, and also, deal with some difficult parents using some political skills. It also must take incredible patience and leadership skills.

I hope that you can have the special needs kid moved to a different environment with a lower teacher to student ratio that will serve better as it really is not fair to you and the rest of the students. It is probably the primary reason I dropped out of boy scouts before making Eagle - our troop had a future inmate as one of the scouts and the scoutmaster spent all his time dealing with the jerk. The jerk should have been kicked out of the boy scouts.

[awest1217]

NM - I hear you!!!!!! By high school all the the students (excluding severe disabilities) are all put in the same class. Because I teach the lowest level physical science, which the state demands all kids take one physical science, I get them all. I get kids with major emotional problems. Kids with extreme ADHD, and the worst part is they are all 15-19 years old so sometimes I just can't stop them. One year I had a junior throw a desk in my room. Last year I had a class of 6 gang member (all in the same gang) who have been all in and out of jail with their ring leader in my class. The ring leader was a senior who was not going to graduate and so he just created problems. NO one learned anything in that class because all I could do is discipline.

I completely understand! In this country right now, teachers are to blame for not teaching their children, but how can you teach all the kids when there are ones that won't even stop for a second so you can focus on another student. It is so hard, but it will get better! With the disruptive child, document everything and keep close contact with your principal because maybe the student can be moved to a special classroom or you can have an paraprofessional work with this student. (if your school has the money for that...ours lost money so all of my paras who helped with my students who are new language learners are gone so those students are struggling).

With the parents, just get them on your side...and I hate parents who are like that. It is best if they only come if they are taking their child (especially at that age) because the child gets thrown off by a different routine. It is the parents who miss the child and the child needs to learn to be away from the parents if public school will work, and if they expect their child to grow and move out one day.

Definitely hear you and I hope it all gets better very quickly.