I tried, I changed, but still am getting divorced!

[awest1217]

A good cry never did any harm. I think sometime like has been said, one has so much on their plate that even the slightest situation will cause you to completely lose it.

I hadn't cried about filing for D at all until two weekends ago. I cried all day long. I did spend a lot of time with H that week because of S's doc appointment, then H's aunt's funeral, etc. so it all just hit me, but I wasn't really crying about H. I was crying because the summer was over, which I have done since I was little. I am always excited to start a new school year, but I still always cry that last weekend of the summer because I will miss the freedom and the fun. Have that on top of saying good-bye as it would seem to H's family because the D will be final in a few months and I won't see them anymore and I do love them a lot and get along with them better than H does. Plus being a funeral and getting along with H and wondering why he won't try to work it out.

Anyway it just all adds up. Don't feel bad that you got upset and cried about H moving his stuff. It is probably one of the first things that has happened in a while that reminds you that you are getting divorced. It is ok to mourn that some. My dad passed away almost 20 years ago and still today I will have times where I will see something or hear something and cry because I miss him. You can miss your H. It is natural. It is only a problem if that is all you think about.

Give yourself a chance to cry because the first week of going back to work it hard enough, but doing that while being a single mom is so hard, but you can handle it.

[CityGirl]

HI NM! Are you still sad?

[Mystik]

Hey NM. How are you feeling today?

[newmama]

Hi you guys! Sorry for the absence- I have been busy GALing! Not sad!

Monday- went into class, went to store and park, worked out, Pilates, crashed early.

Tuesday- got my hair done, arranged pics for S, worked out, Pilates, went to store, went to dinner and movie with my teacherfriends from the playgroup and I told them about stbxh's A.

Today- working in my classroom, GETTING MY RING BACK*, taking items to my grandma, maybe taking S on an evening walk (if time permits)

So about telling the 3 teacher friends about stbxh's A. All I said was
"The reason we are getting divorced is because stbxh had an affair with a coworker. They started off as friends, my gut told me otherwise, he agreed to end the friendship but didn't. They started an affair during my pregnancy. Meanwhile, we went to counseling but he never changed his behavior so I suspected something was still going on and I looked up his cell records and found her number. He is choosing to divorce me and is living with her and her daughter now. He sees S a lot and is a good dad. I am really shocked because I always thought you could tell if someone would cheat. ANd I always thought I would instantly divorce someone if they did. But when it starts off as "just friends" and you have a baby and your H was a good man and your marriage wasn't terrible....well, it changes things."

I asked them to not say anything about why I am divorced because it is embarrassing. They said I shouldn't be embarrassed but they understood. And they understood why I didn't want to divorce him and wanted to try to stay in the marriage. And that was just about all we said about it! It was a lot easier than I thought but I DID have tequila and a beer before I told them, lol!

Oh and we saw "Switch." I liked the characters and the story was sweet, but pretty predictable and slow paced!

[newmama]

*I am such a hippocrate. OK so I heard from zoobrew yesterday. He texted and said his cell service didn't work in the mountains. Then he said he met with his exG and it was "hard stuff." And he said he needed time to process and he didn't want to string anyone along. So I figured that might happen and said "I understand! It must be hard, etc. etc. Can I get my ring back this week?" and here is the funny part.

So we start off texting logistics...when and where. I mentioned "Wendy's parking lot." He says "Which Wendy's?" and I replied "lol! Sorry- the one on ___" Then I said "10:45" and he said "No can do. How about 10:46?"
ANd then
"oh, and wear the low rise black mesh bikini I got you in Cabo. You know the one! lol"

I say "in that case, we better meet in the alley! And how did you know I like mesh? Ok I'll be good!"

he says "The alley it is!lol"

So let's just say I will be looking cute,wearing a tight t-shirt with denim capris and my hair looks INCREDIBLE! (sorry, but I rarely like my hair when they get it done and she did a terrific job!)

And I am proud of myself because originally he said "I will call you tomorrow and we can figure out where to meet" and I said "let's meet here at this time." I didn't want to talk on the phone--DISS, zoobrew! Of course I am so curious about what happened but if I won't see him again, why does it matter? Although the way he described it sounded like they are either brekaing up or taking a longer break. whatever! I am busy.


Oh and I did sign up for another single parent meetup on Sept 4 (Sat) which is a dueling piano event....unfortunately there is somethign about "intuitive matchmaking" going on, too! ugh...

[courageous wife]

Hi NM

Sounding good! Love the galing!
A little tequila and beer always helps soften things!

[ImprovedRomeo]

NM, I'm glad to hear you're doing OK and you can really reciprocate with Zoobrew at various levels whether it's something serious or just casual fun. You must be pretty easy going

So I have a question...how do you not get 'attached' to someone while dating? For me I end up investing way too much of myself emotionally...and then I start to freak out that I'm going to have to deal with another heartbreak when she decides to walk.

So how do you go into the 'dating' world saying well I like this girl a lot but I can't get emotionally involved?

[newmama]

So I have a question...how do you not get 'attached' to someone while dating? For me I end up investing way too much of myself emotionally...and then I start to freak out that I'm going to have to deal with another heartbreak when she decides to walk.

I think
1) you don't spend too much time with them- one date per week or evety 2 weeks
2) don't talk on the phone too much
3) if you find you like her more than she likes you, end it!

So how do you go into the 'dating' world saying well I like this girl a lot but I can't get emotionally involved?

see above

BUT ROMEO, ultimately you can just wait to date when your heart is healed and can handle a broken heart again!That's my plan now...when I spent time with zoobrew, I was high on feel good hormones. This high lasted several days and then faded if I didn't talk to him or see him. But I would have fallen for him if I saw him more frequently!

[CityGirl]

HI NM.... I am glad you are feeling better.

I'm sure it was difficult for you to confide to your colleagues about your H. When I am asked I simply say "my H had an ongoing affair and chose to leave the marriage to pursue his R with his assistant". I usually don't offer additional explanation as that pretty much says it all. It's really easy to judge how somebody handles things (we all do it, it's not right of course) but deep down you know the deal so be proud of the path you took if you felt it was the best course of action for you and your son.

Zoobrew - well, I'm glad you are getting your ring back. If you had some fun and learned a few things about yourself then it was time well spent.

IR - sometimes it's not all about being easy going but more about the circumstances surrounding the friendship (IMO of course). I think if both parties are upfront about their intentions or where they are at early one can temper things accordingly. After all, it's certainly not productive to have "circular discussions" or hone in on small details when maybe the big picture is what matters. Sometimes people do the best they can based on where they are in life.

Sounds like you will have a busy autumn season, NM! The change of seasons can do wonders!

[newmama]

Ok got my ring back! Here is what happened-
first, the plan to meet at 10:45 fell through. My friend C came to help me move into my classroom and she was irked that I was going to take some time to get my ring! wtf? But she got over it.

So I wait...5 minutes go by and then 10...I text him
"I'm here in my bikini!"

he texts "oh no! I just looked at the clock and thought it said almost 10!"
Hmmm

me: "I gotta do stuff-"
finally I said "call me to figure this out."

so he does and I can tell he was embarrassed and rushing around. We agreed to meet after 1.

Fast forward...I am there at the place, waiting "Must I always be waiting, waiting on you?" (I am so type A and he is so type B)

So finally he pulls up and tells me to hop in. I get my ring and bracelets. He said he liked my shirt and then asks "how are you?" I tell him great, busy but in a good way, having a good week, had a lot of fun at the beach. Asked how he was doing. He told me that he went to a concert last night and got totally tanked. (I think he slept in!) Then told me about the concert.
I admit I touched his arm and said "you look really good, zoobrew." while looking him up and down. HE DID!!! ALL TAN with his nice body and hairy legs! yowsa!

He said "so do you, newmama. You look really good...REALLY good, actually..."

Then I asked about his trip to the mountains. He showed me pics of the cabin where he and his kids stayed. I was thinking "ummm...what is the point of all this chit chat?" So i finally say "well, I had so much fun with you and had a great time. And it was nice to meet you, haha!" he says "me too! Ok, bye! Just kidding." and we chat about something else. Finally I say okay, well take care and I'll see you around!" I told him I was going to a meet up later on. He said "ok, see you later!"

Then I got out and it was funny because I had to wait at the walk light thingy to cross the street at the same time he was waiting to turn left at the light. I waved again (like the 2nd time...akward!) Then he turned and I crossed the street. He honked and gave me the peace sign.

I remember thinking...this man isn't done with me, haha!

2 hours later, I get a text from him that says "It was really nice seeing you today. :)" So I said "I felt the same!"

How much you wanna bet I hear from him again? lol!