My question is, once you're in MC, do you still continue DBing? What if there's a conflict between the advice your MC gives you and DBing? Some stuff seems obvious, like GAL and 180s. Those shouldn't be a problem.
Anyone have any advice? Or just advice on how to approach MC effectively?
IMO, DBing is more than tactics to win back your spouse. It is really a way of life, a way of relating to people and getting to truly know yourself. So yeah, you should continue to DB.
MC is a tricky one. I personally believe that you are better off without MC, rather than bad MC ... so make sure your MC is solution oriented and pro-marriage. Those two factors will make sure that most of the advice that you get will be DB consistent.
Good luck! PEI
Holding onto anger to punish someone else, is like lighting yourself on fire to get smoke in their eyes ~ 25yearsmlc
Our first MC was horrible, but W also was just going to validate her reasons for leaving. I don't know if JC himself could have done much to help us back in early July. The new MC is very solution oriented, pro-marriage, and also a pastor as well as a trained/licensed therapist.
Last night was funny. Hold Onto Your N.U.T.S arrived from Amazon, and I was reading it. W asked what the book was, and I said that if I told her, I'd have to kill her. She kept getting more curious, and then I showed her the cover. Said "Now I have to kill you," she said "Not if I kill you first."
About 20 minutes later, she asked me if I thought I was learning anything from "those books." Funny, she works at a bookstore, yet thinks all the self help books are a crock. I've read Wild At Heart, Codependent No More, The 5 LL, Mars & Venus and now N.U.T.S. More relationship books in the last three months than ever. Of course I read DR surreptitiously...
I told her I thought that they provided some interesting insight into me. That I don't agree with everything in them, but that they were just interesting.
More relationship books in the last three months than ever.
Too funny. I said the same thing months ago.
I like "How to improve your Marriage w/o talking about it" - pat love.
Bomb 8/09. Brief piecing 12/10. D-2/12 Two incredible kids D9,S6 Leading new life! “Success is not to be pursued; it is to be attracted by the person we become."
Sometimes you have "Eureka" moments where you just get it, thanks to someone. Coach, thank you for:
Quote:
I would talk about what's going on in your life - work, family, hobbies, health, spiritual, emotional. What you are learning, doing, thinking, planning and dreaming about. You don't need her to engage to do this. A WAW is dying inside to know these things (intomesee) and it's not pursuing or rewarding CB to talk about yourself. It makes you interesting and attractive because you are a man of action, plans and dreams. It's powerful, try it.
I've been struggling with detaching, GAL, etc. while depriving my wife of what she's been craving. Hopefully this will help a lot.
